the monsters turned out to be just trees

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

As Loren's hands come to clutch at his hair the alchemist instinctively reached out to make him stop. Not for the first time the Launceleyn's behaviour reminded Remi of Sam, and his subtle edging towards self-harm as a means of dealing with conflict or difficult emotions. The alchemist would try and untangle the summoner's fingers if he could. If not he'd let Loren be, but not before gently trying to pull his hands back to his sides (which, he was about to do of his own accord anyways).

Glancing unsteadily down as Loren's hands came up again to hover in the space between them, whatever reaction the alchemist might have had—whatever musings of their meaning his brain might have wanted to consider—was immediately swamped by the words next spoken.

I loved you.

I...I love you, even.

Time stopped. Slowed. Whirled by. Everything became unfocused and somewhere very far away the pounding of Remi's heart in his ears faded away to the roar of the sea; waves crashing on a beach in another world. Though he tried to breathe his lungs would hold no air, leaving his chest simply rising and then flinching with every non-breath. The remainder of what the Launceleyn had to say seemed so inconsequential in the wake of his proceeding words. Madness, darkness, sure, sure. Why didn't you tell me? I would have helped you. And other words and questions he might have said, if not for the bright repetition of I...I love you, even in his mind.

Finally able to pull in a proper, if not shaky breath, Remi's lashes fluttered over and over as if the complex swell of emotions he was feeling could be blinked away like a piece of sand. Feathers nearly overtook his curls in number, streaking down his back and arms as wings, unbidden, appeared on his back. It had been...more than a year since the urge to fly away had come over him, and while he couldn't fight the physical symptoms of it, he could refuse to give in.

Still. Remi felt as though he was drowning, and the only thing in sight to grasp onto was Loren. A man he most certainly could not hold.

As Loren drifted to the ground, the sob tugged at Remi's mind snapping him out of his daze if only slightly. Instinctively his hands reached out again before he stopped them. He wanted...he wanted to t—Before the thought could finish the alchemist's wings furled around his body like a feathery shield. Kneeling down shakily (he had no way of balancing really with his wings so snugly around him as they were), he tried to look at Loren but found himself entirely unable. Heat and colour flashed across his face as he looked somewhere around Loren's collar, before giving up and slumping against the wall at the summoner's side. He curled his wings around himself like a blanket, staring forlornly at the ground.

"I..I would have found you if I had thought...If I had known.." He tried to say, his voice as soft as the golden feathers cradling around him. But the words, as his thoughts, were disconnected."I thought...you wanted to be..that there was..." It was so hard to know what he was meant to feel. Relief? Anger? "Why." He asked finally, turning his head ever so slightly towards Loren, looking wounded and unsure. "Why...did you not tell me when I...when we..." Remi's face crumpled, his boyish openness and brightness gone leaving only coral-smudged cheeks, watery too-pale green eyes, and lips trembling as they held in a sob.