From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
While Loren obviously didn’t want Phoebe to feel guilt over something that was completely not her fault, he also wasn’t so sure that Roana’s concern was valid. ”I don’t know her as well as you, obviously. But I don’t know about that. I think she’s stronger than she knows.” The healer had to be, to deal with the rejection that kept getting thrown her way and still hold her head high. He simply nodded in response to Roana’s thanks.
Given that he’d seen Roana in action back in Northaven the Launceleyn knew she could take care of herself. Still, so could he: that didn’t mean it was easy to use force on those faces that were so familiar to them all. So he said nothing, just smiled sadly. Luckily, she gave an incredibly helpful explanation of the gods; Loren flashed Roana a real smile this time, grateful for more information than he’d ever received about the divine beings. ”That’s all really good to know. Thank you.” He had more questions, obviously, but he didn’t want Roana to think he was a complete imbecile (circumstances of their encounter notwithstanding).
"Oh no, she is a tough cookie. No doubt about it." Roana said, shaking her head. "But she tends to overburden herself with guilt she needn't carry. And if she hurt those she cares for...well...that would bother her a lot." she clarified. It wasn't that she was weak, per se, she just felt very deeply and strongly. Both good and bad.
"You're welcome." Roana told him easily as they walked. "I would rather people understand than the gods and get themselves cursed on accident." she said. It was a pragmatic safety measure. The more they understood, the better they could navigate everything safely. "Was that all you wanted to know?" she asked, glancing back at him quizzically.
Roana’s analysis of the situation was probably correct. However, Loren still wasn’t too worried. ”Maybe. But I think it’s up to us to convince her that it was absolutely not her fault, and that if she’d had any choice in the matter we all know she would’ve never acted in such a manner.” If the Launceleyn had to carve that message everywhere that Phoebe was likely to see it then he would. The blighted should feel no guilt at all for the things they said and did while under its thrall.
As Roana asked if there was anything else the summoner wanted to know, he hesitated. There was, but he wasn’t entirely sure how the woman would react to it: tensions in the Hollowed Grounds were high and people’s feelings on this matte were quite, quite strong. But there was no way for him to find out without asking. ”What can you tell me about The Voice?” Roana’s explanation had only covered the old gods, but not the one who everyone seemed convinced was behind the blight. Everyone except Loren, that was.
He was awfully adamant wasn’t he? She raised a brow and glanced back at him, lips pursed as she considered him. Loren, as far as she knew (which granted wasn’t much), wasn’t particularly vocal about…anything. Yet here he was, repeatedly defending Phoebe’s ability to handle the atrocities she may have committed. Why? It served him no purpose, certainly. Or did it? ”You’ve a lot of confidence in her. She must’ve made quite the impression on you to be so determined to make her see herself in a positive light.” she said, curious as to his response.
But then Loren asked about the Voice, and her expression dropped. Quietly she considered her words. ”The Voice was just a mortal once. An Abandoned who accrued too much power and went to war with the Old Gods. For it, she and the Ascended were imprisoned here in the Hollowed Grounds by the barrier created by the Old Gods. Somehow, she managed to send her power out into the universe and pull people capable of freeing her from their worlds here…which is exactly what we did.” she said with a slight sigh. ”I’ve never met the Voice myself, but that is her history. I have been warned that she preys upon people’s ignorance to turn them to her side.”
Roana was right to point out that Loren’s claims were pretty strong for someone who’d had exactly one conversation with Phoebe. Shrugging, he gave her a chagrined look. ”You could say that. I guess...well. I guess I thought the fact that, despite everything she was going through, that she could still find the strength to do what she thought was the right thing, and the strength to help people, I don’t know. It was admirable.” He could only wish that he could one day display such a quality. So far, every attempt he’d made to do the right thing had ended in disaster.
As Roana spoke, Loren decided to wait until she’d finished before speaking. Even then, he was silent for a long moment as he gathered his thoughts. ”Do we know why she went to war?” Perhaps that wasn’t the wisest question, especially given that Roana seemed to be one of those who distrusted The Voice and wouldn’t be swayed by any argument. However, it seemed an important detail. Because the only beings that the summoner could see were trying to sway anyone were those who trusted blindly in the old gods.
But Loren had been hurt too many times by those with power to ever trust them blindly.
Roana considered him quietly, a brow still raised. Interesting... Most of the men she had seen Phoebe spend time with had been less than impressive (Remi aside). Emmett hadn't been able to keep up with her intellect and had been so wrapped up in his own familial issues - which had been completely warranted - to really appreciate her. Sunjata was just a wolf in sheeps clothing and stunk of bad decisions. Loren seemed to have keyed into an aspect of Phoebe that the former Captain thought went overlooked too often. Very, very interesting. "Well...if she makes it through this, I hope you will do as you say and remind her of everything she has to be proud of, and why she is an admirable person. She certainly won't hear it from me." she said with a light laugh.
He continued to ask about the Voice though and her expression fell. "Power." she said simply with a tired sigh. "When I left Northwind I thought I wouldn't have to fight another person's war again. And here I am." she muttered.
Loren narrowed his eyes at the last part of Roana’s statement. ”Why wouldn’t she believe it from you?” If there was bad blood between the two women, he was probably the last person Roana would want to tell about it. Still, she’d brought it up. At the mention of The Voice’s motives, though, he tilted his head and his expression grew a lot more thoughtful. ”Out of curiosity, who told you that?” It seemed a little too neat an explanation for his liking. ”And I feel much the same. But you don’t have to fight it.” A conflict between the gods was just that. As an Abandoned, he felt he had no obligation to help either side, and he didn’t see why Roana would have to do so either.
Roana sighed at his question shaking his head. "Things have always been tense between me and her. She isn't a fan of my family because my cousin married her brother and then up and left him and their infant child for another man. So when she found out he was marrying me she was very not happy. But it comes from a good place. Family is everything to her and she was just looking out for him. So she is just skeptical of me." she explained. "Things are better than they were but. Ya know. I'll always be a Lincolnshire. And Steadmans are stubborn by nature." she said with a light laugh.
"No one specifically, just deduction based on my experience analyzing enemy motives over the years. No one has ever corrected me though - and if I was wrong the Naturals would have jumped down my throat to correct me." she said dryly. His comment made her pause though, but ultimately she shook her head. "If the gods are warring, it puts my family in danger. It puts everyone in danger. Their war ends up being our war. That's just how it works. Those of us who can should do our part to make sure that as few of those who can't aren't impacted by it as possible." she said.
As Roana recounted the tension between herself and Phoebe Loren gave her a sympathetic look. ”I’m sorry to hear that.” He hesitated, a haunted expression crossing his face. ”And I know it’s not really my place to say but...as someone who comes from a complicated and occasionally divisive family, don’t leave it until it’s too late. You never know when someone will be taken from you.” The Launceleyns were almost all gone at this point, and Loren was a pitiful replacement for those that had gone before.
Loren knew firsthand how quick the Naturals were to correct stubborn Outlanders. However, in this particular case, he wasn’t so sure about Roana’s reasoning, both about the natives or about the gods. From what he’d heard, though they’d worshipped, they’d seen little of the gods at least until the outlander’s arrival. Until The Voice herself had acted, which might have forced the old gods into action of their own. Instead of arguing with Roana about the first part of her explanation, he decided to reply to the second. It was more important anyway. ”You can protect people without taking sides.” It was usually the hardest path. But that didn’t make it any less right.
"Your advice is appreciated." Roana said with a small smile. "We have reconciled but...it will just take time for real trust to build. She is still trying to find her knew normal and who she wants to be in this new world. Unfortunately I can't help with that. But she knows I am here if she needs me." she said with a little nod. It wasn't perfect, but it was more than they'd had before.
The former Captain hummed at his observation, but she shook her head. "Even that is taking a side, and one that is in a way a luxury. I have children, and until you hold a child that you made, that relies on you for everything...I don't think a person can fully appreciate the sorts of things a parent would do to make the future a safer place for them." she said and shrugged.
”You can’t? Why not? What is stopping you from being one of the people helping her to find out who she is in this new world?” It seemed silly that Roana wouldn’t help Phoebe with that; they were sisters, of a sort, and while Loren didn’t have the best track record when it came to family he knew how it was supposed to go. ”There’s a difference between knowing you’re here and being there.” It was small and subtle, but it was important. And it mattered.
He knew that better than most.
At Roana’s point about choosing a third option still being a side he nodded in acknowledgement. ”That’s true enough. But it’s a luxury we can afford in this world. And, while I didn’t make them, I have two children at home that I am now fully responsible for. And I can’t imagine any world in which getting involved in a war between the gods makes them safer, or would make me more likely to come home to them at the end of the day.” Quite the opposite: choosing a side in any war, let alone a divine conflict, was a surefire way to get someone killed.
”Phoebe.” she said with a small smile his way before looking ahead again. ”She doesn’t want my help. Even reconciled she views it as pity coming from me, or a ploy to earn her favor.” she said and shrugged a little. ”Not everyone wants others to rush in an fix their problems for them, or even simply walk with them through their trials. I am sure Phoebe has those she trusts and takes help from with ease but I am not that person. So I watch from afar and wait for her to come to me.” she said. ”There is a difference. But Phoebe just wants to know I am here and I respect that.” she said with a light shrug.
Roana simply shrugged at his next statement. ”I wouldn’t expect you to. You aren’t a soldier. Our life experiences are very different.” she said. ”Besides, I’ve been told I need to do something if I see something is awry, and I will do everything I can to keep this place as safe as possible, regardless of the forces involved.”
Roana kept talking about all the reasons Phoebe didn’t want to see the mother of three. But Loren figured there were probably reasons the healer wanted to see Roana that didn’t involve any problem-solving. ”So just get tea with her. She likes tea. Or a meal every once in a while. For all she knows you’re avoiding her. No need to do any rushing in.” People were not particularly good at guessing the motivations of others, the Launceleyn most of all.
Actually, the summoner had been trained to be a soldier. He just hadn’t proven to be particularly good at it. ”Alright. I’m not going to try and change your mind.” As long as she kept innocents out of it, Loren supposed it didn’t much matter what she did with her time.
Roana glanced back, raising a brow at him. He really was quite adamant about this, wasn’t he? ”I suppose tea couldn’t hurt.” she said with a small smile. ”But if she gets upset about it, I am sending her right to you.” she joked, laughing lightly. That would be a sight to see, the usually quiet mannered midwife in an argument with the quiet mannered librarian. It would be the softest spoken argument in all of Caido’s history probably.
She nodded as Loren admitted he would not try to change her mind. ”I appreciate it. It isn’t an easy road to walk, even without such attempts.” she said with a quiet sigh. ”Do you plan to work at the Atheneum as a librarian or involve yourself in politics like Zariah did?” she asked, curious about the Launceleyn’s own plans.
