just another graceless night

Amalia

the shield of safrin

She watches Remi pour the drink, a little bit skeptical of her choices of late. Getting high with Adam, drinking with an alchemist... it is a different girl who sits here, than the one who died a year ago. Still, the glass is lovely, and Amalia hums appreciatively as she moves it through her fingers, tracing the delicately etched starwhales and inhaling the sweet scent of the drink before raising it to her lips. Always one to jump into bad decisions with both feet, she manages a single gulp before coughing suddenly, the alcohol burning to her untrained throat, a flush of embarrassment spreading across her cheeks.

"I'm ind of a lightweight," Amalia admits, as though that would come as any surprise. "This is... good, though. I think." Another sip, smaller this time, but still burning as it courses down her throat. Setting her glass down, the baker begins to serve them each some of the pie, heaping a large spoonful onto Remi's plate and a smaller one on her own before sitting down across from him, as though things were normal, as though this was a safe time. "We could ask the gods to heal you," the girl suggests somewhat dubiously. "Or try poking you with one of the roses, maybe."

you are slowly growing

but you are still growing

and that is enough

took a fall from a windy height

Remi raises his brows with surprise as Amalia all but inhales the drink in front of her, his lips tugging to the side and dimpling his cheeks to see her cough and sputter so. "Had I known you wanted to do shots, I might have picked something a bit smoother." He said with a grin, before folding his arms and trying to offer her a wounded look (that completely comes across as disingenuous). " "Good, I think". Perhaps that is what I should call it."

Remi can feel his stomach growl at the sight of the pie, happily sitting down and all but hovering with eager anticipation until it is slid his way. Not that Ronin had done the majority of the cooking in their marriage to be sure, but without his husband around Remi's attention to his own needs had fallen more or less by the wayside.

"We could." He agrees with a shrug, cutting a piece of the pie with the edge of his fork and all but devouring it. Humming a note of wry satisfaction, the alchemist flashes the baker an appreciative smile. "I do not think I have the blight..but we could try the roses. " Shrugging (and then wincing as the gesture tugged at his skin), the alchemist sighed. There was a healer in town that Remi could ask, only...he and Loren weren't really on speaking terms at the moment.

i only knew how to hold on tight
& pray for love enough to last all night

Coding base by Sky!

Amalia

the shield of safrin

"It all just tastes like alcohol to me!" Amalia laughs back at his teasing, having recovered from her choking spell. Still embarrassed, the baker shakes her head abashedly, blushing as she looks up at the Alchemist. "I guess... I thought if I drank it faster I'd like it more?" Poor reasoning, maybe, but she doesn't have much idea of what she's doing these days. Being careful and measured has not worked out for her particularly well thus far; perhaps it is time to throw caution to the wind.

There is a bright burst of satisfaction that blooms within her as Remi swallows down the pie, a lingering smile on her lips. It fades a little, though, as he refutes having the blight; Amalia shrugs again, unsure, not wanting to look at the worst possibilities but not trusting all to be well. "We don't know how it spreads, really," she points out gently. "You were attacked by people who had it... it's better to be safe."

And there it was again: safe. Careful. Try. Scowling slightly, Amalia picks her drink up and has another sip, desperate to drown out the worried voice that screams so endlessly through her mind.

you are slowly growing

but you are still growing

and that is enough

took a fall from a windy height

Unable to help it, Remi leans his chin onto one of his hands and shoots the baker a completely innocent (and therefore, completely suggestive) look. "Do you always think faster makes things better?" He asks, brows raised as a wry smile slowly spreads across his lips.

"You are not wrong." He agrees. "Ianto and I planted roses just outside. I will happily prick myself on one. Which...honestly, I think is evidence enough." Given the way the blighted reacted at the Spire, how violently Ronin had reacted to the alchemist when he'd presented his husband with the red rose, that Remi was willing surely meant he couldn't be blighted. Still as Amalia said, better safe than sorry and all that.

Taking another large bite of pie, Remi let the flavours mingle and dance on his tongue before swallowing. "Unless you have premonitions about when I need to be bandaged up, what brought you by? Just a pie delivery?" Not that he wouldn't always accept Amalia's baked offerings, but it wasn't as though the Shield was having an easy go of things as of late either.

i only knew how to hold on tight
& pray for love enough to last all night

Coding base by Sky!

Amalia

the shield of safrin

If Remi is trying for innuendo it flies directly over Amalia's head. "Easier to swallow, at least," she murmurs with a shrug, still embarrassed by her blunder, her cheeks a mild shade of red.

His agreement to prick his finger gives her some relief, and Amalia exhales with a nod of appreciation. Maybe it won't help - hopefully, indeed, for hopefully he isn't blighted - but the baker would rather not take chances. She cannot afford to see more of her loved ones ill, to watch the blight rip through and consume them. "I planted one at Safrin's shrine. I hope... I hope she is better now." She stares at the wall as she speaks, her voice pained and distant. It had not been a happy visit, the last time she saw the goddess, and though she knows she must return soon... well.

What brought her by? Amalia shrugs, looking down at the meat pie as she scoops a little onto her spoon. The answer is not, perhaps, clear cut, and she isn't sure at first how to respond. "I wanted to check on you," she replies quietly, a small piece of a puzzle too large to easily voice. "To make sure you were taking care of yourself. While... you know."

you are slowly growing

but you are still growing

and that is enough

took a fall from a windy height

"I had hoped she would be the first...selfishly, I had hoped that." Remi says with a sigh. For if Safrin was healed, then surely Ronin would be. And, given Vi's role in all of this, would it be too much to hope that he might heal his herald first? "Honestly, I was expecting something..miraculous, I suppose." He adds, the admission bringing a sad smile to his lips. Indeed, after he and Ianto planted their roses Remi just...expected to see Ronin sauntering up the walkway, blight-free.

But it hadn't happened.

Days later, it still hadn't.

"I appreciate it." He says with a boyish smile. "Taking care of Aoife helps, like it did last time." So saying, Remi swallows hard, the words forming an immediate lump in his throat. The last time Ronin died, being the obvious conclusion to that sentence. Stuffing another piece of pie in his mouth and happily letting the sugars dissolve on his tongue, he shrugs gently.

"How is everyone else? I had to put Phoebe in jail...and Jigano seems worse, but at least is managing himself, it seems."

i only knew how to hold on tight
& pray for love enough to last all night

Coding base by Sky!

Amalia

the shield of safrin

"She... was not herself. But the rose helped. For a minute, anyway." Sighing heavily, the girl rests her elbows on the table, head in her palms as she stares at the plate. She hasn't had much of an appetite lately, and today is no exception. "So was I," she admits softly, not wanting to confess that she has been doubtful, an unhappy twist to her lips. "Vi will cure her, though. And the others as well. I have faith." Faith, for it is all she has, the only thing that carries her forward.

"How is Aoife?" Amalia asks, glancing around for sign of the girl. "I haven't seen her since the Festival of Lights." It is remarkable how quickly the girl has grown, thriving where the rest of them seem so prone to wither. It gives her hope for the future, and Amalia reaches across the table to try and gently squeeze Remi's hand. "She's lucky to have such a wonderful father," the girl says softly, lips curling in a wry smile. "Two more than I had, even."

Phoebe imprisoned and Jigano worse. That isn't particularly cheery news, and Amalia withdraws her hand, sighing again. "Deimos said Kiada was worse. I've only seen the ones at the Spire, and Safrin, and... and Ronin. He stole my shield, you know." Maybe Remi has some idea of where it might be stashed away, or if the king is still wielding it, a caricature of all it was meant to represent.

you are slowly growing

but you are still growing

and that is enough

took a fall from a windy height

The alchemist tries not to let his teeth clench against one another, to relax his jaw against the way in which it wants to feather, but he finds it difficult. Just as he finds almost everything difficult, these days.

"Faith." Remi repeats a touch bitterly, taking his fork and pushing about a piece of crust on his place. "Coming from a world without gods to this...with all I have seen..I hope both you and your gods forgive me—us—for our lack of fealty." Whether it is a genuine apology even Remi in the moment cannot say.

The mention of Aoife brings a tentative smile to the alchemist's lip and he glances up and across at the baker. "She...well," Chuckling, he shakes his head. "She speaks to Safrin quite a bit. In her bed. To Ronin too. She is convinced he is a star, like last time. And...I suppose I have not found reason to tell her otherwise." His stare, shattered and broken not only because of magical means, shimmers with a mist of tears. Letting his hand be taken, the alchemist returns the gesture with a soft pulse of his own. "And me." He agrees.

Raising a brow, lips parting at the news, the alchemist blinks in stunned silence. "He...Safrin's shield?" Now his jaw does feather unhappily as he pushes a hand through his curls. "If I see it, or him, I will be sure to return it to you." Knowing it isn't needed, but feeling compelled just the same, Remi releases a breath and offers the baker a weary sigh. "I am sorry Amalia. It is not him.."

i only knew how to hold on tight
& pray for love enough to last all night

Coding base by Sky!

Amalia

the shield of safrin

His rejection of her faith stings, a slap on the face from one so gentle. For a minute Amalia's kindness falters, too many weights pushing it down. "Safrin protected Aoife," the girl whispers softly, searching Remi's face with a furrowed brow. "Mort restored Ronin. Safrin gave herself to save the Tulmhainar. Vi answered our pleas for rescue from the blight. They may not always be kind, and I know you have had difficult experiences- but surely they have done enough to deserve your respect, if nothing else?" The gods are not their friends, to be sure: more distant parents, guardians with purpose far larger than mortals might comprehend. But they have been generous to Remi and his family.

Is that truly not enough?

Sighing, the baker shakes her head, her smile returning faintly as he speaks of Aoife, and twisting again into a wry grimace as he mentions her stolen shield. "Well... Safrin didn't make it, but Deimos did." That alone should be enough for him to know its value in her eyes. "I know it isn't him. But the things he said..."

Trailing off, Amalia looks away, biting unhappily at her lip. "I can't help but wonder if it's the truth of what he feels. The things... the things he's too kind to say to me, when he's well."

you are slowly growing

but you are still growing

and that is enough

took a fall from a windy height

"No, you are not wrong. It...if the gods were just mortals like us, who had done those things...I would not place my unerring trust in them. Mort restored Ronin because of an imbalance. He took something from Ashetta. Safrin's protection of Aoife seems selfless now, but...?" And the Tulmhainar? "What Safrin did is what nearly killed Ronin." He said with a swallow. Respect? Sure. But devotion? Fealty? "I'm sorry. I do not mean to sound so..." Vaguely, he made a gesture with his hands. "It is all so new to me."

Grinding his teeth together, the alchemist runs an uneasy hand through his hair as feathers sprout in earnest. His lips open to say something, but the words stay behind his teeth as he exhales. "What did he say?" Remi asks eventually, his brows creased as a frown tugs steadily at his lips.

i only knew how to hold on tight
& pray for love enough to last all night

Coding base by Sky!

Amalia

the shield of safrin

"Ashetta gave it. And Safrin nearly killed herself - she still might-" Amalia stops, the anger that flares within her fading as she remembers, again, that horrible night. Clenching and unclenching her fists the girl sighs, telltale white fur rising on her shoulders and neck as she fights with her frustrations. She cannot force Remi to see things her way, but she does not understand the way he looks at it, either. Of course there are prices, of course there are exchanges - everything must have a balance. It is not for the Gods to fix all their woes for them. They made the world: humans now must do their best to live up to that gift.

Ronin is another frustration, though Amalia is not angry with the king. Scrunching her nose as she takes another sip of her drink, the baker frowns as more long fur rises on her neck. "Not much," she says reluctantly, looking down at her plate. "That I'm stuck up. And worthless. That I don't... don't even deserve his hate. Y'know. Things I already knew." Her crooked smile is mirthless and defeated, alcohol bringing her insecurities bubbling to the surface. It is why the Shield rarely drinks - because it dulls the pain, yes, but it dulls her defenses too, leaves her raw and open to hurt, a hurt she usually inflicts herself.

you are slowly growing

but you are still growing

and that is enough

took a fall from a windy height

"All I mean is it is not as if Mort did it to be kind. It was something to be righted, nothing more." Or so it seemed to Remi, though the latter part of what Amalia had to say made him stop and bristle as well, looking down unhappily into his cup. The tension lingers and the alchemist hates it. Not one to hide from apologies, he stretches out a hand to softly take Amalia's if possible, giving it a small squeeze. "I am sorry. It...I'm sorry." He says gently, sweetly, brandishing a boyish and tired smile.

"No—" Remi interrupts, a sudden urgency lacing his words and his stare. "None of that is true. You do not deserve his hate because it does not exist. He..." Feathering his jaw, Remi looked up at the ceiling with slightly narrowed eyes before sighing out the breath he'd hastily tugged in. "He said I was not worth being with, among other things. If you are going to believe what he said to you, then...I suppose I have to believe what he said to me as well."]

i only knew how to hold on tight
& pray for love enough to last all night

Coding base by Sky!

Amalia

the shield of safrin

Amalia's teeth click together as she clenches her jaw, tense displeasure written clearly in her angular face. She is not looking up when Remi reaches for her, and so she does not expect his hand on hers. The warmth of it surprises her; glancing at the man, the girl softens a little, exhaling a tired breath. "It's okay. I... I'm sorry, too."

She glances away from Remi as he interrupts her, not able to meet his eyes. "Of court you're worth being with," the baker replies with a shake of her head. "Ronin adores you. Everyone adores you. You're able to face more shit than the rest of us can even dream of, yet I've never seen you anything but optimistic and strong." A wry chuckle, and she looks up at him again. "But I've always been this way. Scared, and sad, and useless, even when I had everything I could ever want."

She is obviously tired and frustrated, hopelessly at a loss. How do you tell yourself you matter, when it's your own thoughts that betray shoot you down at every turn? Remi may have logic on his side, but logic has no power in an anxiety attack. It is a lesson Amalia learned years ago.

you are slowly growing

but you are still growing

and that is enough

took a fall from a windy height

Though Amalia couldn't look his way, he could look at her. His expression was one of somber skepticism, his eyes staring at her, but seeing only the blatant contradiction. If what she was saying was true of Ronin in his case, it was true of him in hers as well. Rather than meeting her laughter, the alchemist merely gives her a grave stare, swallowing hard and doing his best not to guilty look away. " That is far from true." He said, though the dismay in his eyes disappeared the instance Amalia characterized herself as useless. "Ludo told me once that we are never satisfied...and I suppose that is right." Remi would come to find out how right in just a few threads, with Loren, but that was later. "But the god of life named you the shield of his herald. Scared as you might be, there is no denying that."

i only knew how to hold on tight
& pray for love enough to last all night

Coding base by Sky!