don't worry mother,
your daughter is a soldier
He inches closer, and she has half a mind to bury herself into the snow again – to get away before the feelings return, before the thorns that still pierce her spine begin to fade, before she causes him more pain he doesn’t deserve. Even if he thinks somewhere deep within him he does, she could never imagine it. She loved him, so deeply, that she holds nothing but regret within her for what she’s done. Unantagonized, other than the rose, there’s nothing within her that would ever want to do such a thing.
But here she is.
He tells her she’s never been helpless, and she wants to laugh at it. If she wasn’t helpless, she’d have control over what she’s doing. But she doesn’t. She’s incapable of separating herself and the blight, and it cuts at her heart with every passing moment. Instead, she shrinks into herself. She can feel the tether between them, and a part of her wants to sob with the feeling of it all. If anyone should slip away into the night, into the darkness of hiding and hibernation, of keeping people at a distance, it was her.
Because everyone around her left or died anyway. That was her plague, that was her curse. Ru’in, Kianzo, her father, her siblings, Deimos, Romina, Rixen, Khairi. A tally in her mind, a tally for those she’d failed. How many more does she need to add to the list? Amalia, probably, from the attack at the Spire. Remi, too. She was a mess, a monster, afflicted or not. And she needed to leave until it’s over.
And suddenly in the bond she feels the frustration and desperation. Briefly, before the command. A demand. And she has half the mind to want to tell him no, to fight back while she’s lucid enough to. To tell him she’s a lost cause – to let her go.
To stop holding onto her.
Instead, she swallows the words, biting down hard on her beak as she stands, folding her other wing in tight – head lowered as she lets her once bright crimson gaze, now flecked with black and darkness, settle on him. “What?” She snaps back at him. She’s not going back, she won’t put more people in danger because of her inability to be a decent human being. Nobody should have to wield thorns around them just to feel safe. The logical option is her disappearance.
She won’t let him take her back.
But here she is.
He tells her she’s never been helpless, and she wants to laugh at it. If she wasn’t helpless, she’d have control over what she’s doing. But she doesn’t. She’s incapable of separating herself and the blight, and it cuts at her heart with every passing moment. Instead, she shrinks into herself. She can feel the tether between them, and a part of her wants to sob with the feeling of it all. If anyone should slip away into the night, into the darkness of hiding and hibernation, of keeping people at a distance, it was her.
Because everyone around her left or died anyway. That was her plague, that was her curse. Ru’in, Kianzo, her father, her siblings, Deimos, Romina, Rixen, Khairi. A tally in her mind, a tally for those she’d failed. How many more does she need to add to the list? Amalia, probably, from the attack at the Spire. Remi, too. She was a mess, a monster, afflicted or not. And she needed to leave until it’s over.
And suddenly in the bond she feels the frustration and desperation. Briefly, before the command. A demand. And she has half the mind to want to tell him no, to fight back while she’s lucid enough to. To tell him she’s a lost cause – to let her go.
To stop holding onto her.
Instead, she swallows the words, biting down hard on her beak as she stands, folding her other wing in tight – head lowered as she lets her once bright crimson gaze, now flecked with black and darkness, settle on him. “What?” She snaps back at him. She’s not going back, she won’t put more people in danger because of her inability to be a decent human being. Nobody should have to wield thorns around them just to feel safe. The logical option is her disappearance.
She won’t let him take her back.
KIADA
No permission needed for power play!
Feel free to use magic/force on Kiada, without killing her <3
