Blighted Bars

they made a mockery of him once 'look at the walking tragedy' now they whisper when he passes

he's a demon, with a crown of blood

She tells him it will get better, but he doesn’t really believe it. No, he thinks he’s been made to suffer over and over again, to endure the hardships of his life in a constant swell while he drowns through it all. He was born into suffering, with a mother that had kept him at arms length until he won the trial at seventeen, before she fully embraced him for the first time. Because what was the point of getting attached if you were going to die anyway? No, he deserved to have everyone keep him at an arms length. Maybe at the end of this, from whatever kills him, it’ll be like Lusea — Alive and well after her throat was slit.

He finds it’s the only thing he can ask for.

So he approaches the bars again, a muscle feathering in his jaw as he stares at the stone floor, the black edges of his vision and the black edges of his wounds in stark contrast to his paler skin (no longer sunkissed and freckled). And what she says, far more clarity than anything else she had said recently, hits him. And he realizes maybe it’s always been like that, where people had simply wanted to be there for him and he just wouldn’t allow it. He doesn’t still, and it’s weighty. Lusea is the exception, and he finds himself quietly grinding his teeth, about to comment on the fact that nothing had changed, that he’d always been the type wanting to avoid it before it happened. How many sleepless nights had be spent before the worst parts of his life? The constant strife and struggles? A lot.

Her next set of words make him lift his gaze to her, as she speaks of being a role model for children and her own miscarriage. A frown finds his face and he shakes his head. “That’s great and all if you plan on having kids.” He comments quietly, biting down on his lower lip, the opposite side of the wound she had given him. “But I don’t. And I’m not exactly the role model type. You should know that.” He tells her, eyes lifting up to look at her. “You should know that if you love me, if what you claimed was true — that you loved the good and the bad.” It almost slips from his tongue. But it doesn’t, thankfully. But, he he definitely was not the type for parents to approve of looking up to. Especially because he couldn’t even find it in himself.

does it look like he's still under your control?

SUNJATA