LOREN
No one knew what Loren needed. Certainly not Remi, but the summoner was probably the person least well-equipped to know what he needed, even less so than the other man. Still, the Launceleyn knew what he wanted, and what he wanted was the alchemist. However, there was no way to have the other man in the Loren’s life without causing them both untold amounts of pain. At least none that he could see from here.
”I-” Loren’s voice broke, and his eyes swam with tears. All at once his careful facade crumbled, and he shrank in on himself, looking lost and alone. Still, even as he looked away from Remi, not able to bear the expression on the alchemist's face or the tone in the other man’s voice, the Launceleyn gathered his courage. Everything he’d told the other man on that day had been true: that Loren wasn’t good for Remi, that the summoner’s feelings didn’t matter, that the alchemist wouldn’t be pleased to reacquaint himself with the Launceleyn. And his own emotions had never stopped him from doing the right thing before, even if it was the hardest thing he’d ever done. He was strong enough to do this, even if it killed him. ”I...I do not want this.”
And that too, was true.
Because even if Loren loved Remi—which he did—the Launceleyn didn’t know how to love without pain. Without hurting those he cared for. It was what he’d been raised to do, and that last, awful scar from his past was the one thing he couldn't heal. But even if he couldn’t love without hurting, then he could at least remove himself from the equation. That was the only way he knew how to protect Remi.
”I-” Loren’s voice broke, and his eyes swam with tears. All at once his careful facade crumbled, and he shrank in on himself, looking lost and alone. Still, even as he looked away from Remi, not able to bear the expression on the alchemist's face or the tone in the other man’s voice, the Launceleyn gathered his courage. Everything he’d told the other man on that day had been true: that Loren wasn’t good for Remi, that the summoner’s feelings didn’t matter, that the alchemist wouldn’t be pleased to reacquaint himself with the Launceleyn. And his own emotions had never stopped him from doing the right thing before, even if it was the hardest thing he’d ever done. He was strong enough to do this, even if it killed him. ”I...I do not want this.”
And that too, was true.
Because even if Loren loved Remi—which he did—the Launceleyn didn’t know how to love without pain. Without hurting those he cared for. It was what he’d been raised to do, and that last, awful scar from his past was the one thing he couldn't heal. But even if he couldn’t love without hurting, then he could at least remove himself from the equation. That was the only way he knew how to protect Remi.
But don’t be weary if it’s broken
Families are like that—
they’re split up and always torn.
