Jigano sighed, but there was frustration in it and blighted anger that continued to seethe far too close to the surface for comfort. "No, you shouldn't hate yourself, Sam. You've made the best of what you are, and I'm proud of you for that. But that doesn't mean you have to follow the one who made you that way! And for all that you say you don't follow her blindly... your actions and your words have been fairly clearly the opposite." Because he remembered how staunchly Sam defended the Voice at Remi's wedding, too. That he continued to defend her after what she had done, all for a few bribes which, though they had great meaning to Sam, were clearly less gifts than ways to bind him to the Voice and buy his loyalty in a world without coin. Memories he had asked to be taken... or had he? Had she just convinced him that he had wanted that? The book he had found about Ascended abilities included one that altered memories...
The bookmaker might not have wanted a fight, but the blight within Jigano was aching for one, and though he tried to rein it back it still slipped through in the raw emotion in his voice: frustration, fear for his friend, anger at his goddess. "Sam, I didn't immediately attack her. When I was still new here I went to her Shrines, I tried to speak with her... she wanted nothing to do with me. For all the pretty words she may have told you about wanting to build a better world 'for everyone' the only ones that I've ever heard her speak to with anything resembling warmth are her Ascended, and perhaps some of the Accepted she has hoped to convert to her cult. I even helped Bastien get some bauble she desired, back before she broke trust with me." His jaw clenched and he forced himself to take a steadying breath before he continued. "I gave her chances, and I gave her help, and what did it get me, Sam? She used her damned blight to tear open my soul and take my mind from me! She attacked me first, and people that I care for. Remember that. She turned the blight on your friends and used you to do it, so I wish you would understand why I don't trust her anymore!" He turned Sam's phrasing back on the bookmaker, knowing it was harsh but desperate to get through to his friend.
He exhaled sharply, forcing his voice to lower back to a normal conversational level, though it shook with intensity. "Remember this, Sam: that she turned her weapon against all those who weren't Ascended. That it was the Old Gods who saved your friends and family. This time she didn't ask you to directly kill, but your actions may have resulted in deaths all the same. Next time, if she explicitly tells you to take a life for her sake, without explaining why... will you?" Isuma chirruped worriedly, looking between the two men as if her heart were breaking for them both. Jigano rose with a swallowed snarl and went to the bag he had brought, forcefully tearing it open and pulling out a handful of snow moss to clench in his trembling hands.
The bookmaker might not have wanted a fight, but the blight within Jigano was aching for one, and though he tried to rein it back it still slipped through in the raw emotion in his voice: frustration, fear for his friend, anger at his goddess. "Sam, I didn't immediately attack her. When I was still new here I went to her Shrines, I tried to speak with her... she wanted nothing to do with me. For all the pretty words she may have told you about wanting to build a better world 'for everyone' the only ones that I've ever heard her speak to with anything resembling warmth are her Ascended, and perhaps some of the Accepted she has hoped to convert to her cult. I even helped Bastien get some bauble she desired, back before she broke trust with me." His jaw clenched and he forced himself to take a steadying breath before he continued. "I gave her chances, and I gave her help, and what did it get me, Sam? She used her damned blight to tear open my soul and take my mind from me! She attacked me first, and people that I care for. Remember that. She turned the blight on your friends and used you to do it, so I wish you would understand why I don't trust her anymore!" He turned Sam's phrasing back on the bookmaker, knowing it was harsh but desperate to get through to his friend.
He exhaled sharply, forcing his voice to lower back to a normal conversational level, though it shook with intensity. "Remember this, Sam: that she turned her weapon against all those who weren't Ascended. That it was the Old Gods who saved your friends and family. This time she didn't ask you to directly kill, but your actions may have resulted in deaths all the same. Next time, if she explicitly tells you to take a life for her sake, without explaining why... will you?" Isuma chirruped worriedly, looking between the two men as if her heart were breaking for them both. Jigano rose with a swallowed snarl and went to the bag he had brought, forcefully tearing it open and pulling out a handful of snow moss to clench in his trembling hands.
