Sam was not someone made for prolonged arguments; they reminded him too much of growing up - besides, with someone like Jigano who was so much better at saying just what he wanted, he ended up feeling very stupid indeed. Stupid little Sam, who couldn't defend himself. He stayed silent as Jigano spoke, resisting the urge to curl up and hug his knees. Instead he fiddled with the cuff of his shirt.
He did flinch, though, when Jigano grasped onto the moss. It felt like if it wasn't the moss, it would be him. Was this still the Blight..? "...No, I won't." Sam finally quietly said, certain but under his breath, as if scared any words at all would make things worse.
There were things he could point out. That The Blight had been more of a side-effect than an explicit attempt to kill (he thought so, anyway), that he trusted Wessex, who seemed to have no problems following their Lady. But he didn't say those things; Sam was looking desperately for a way to please Jigano and end this conversation, with all it's difficult turns and hard truths.
There really wasn't a nice way, though. With a heavy sigh he shook his head. "You see the position I'm in. If I leave The Voice, who I still believe has good intentions, swear against her...well. She has control over my body and my mind...I don't know how far it stretches. And she has helped me. And..." He took a breath, trying to work out the best way to phrase his words. "Remi...and you....are both very ready to yell at me at the moment. It makes it hard to not want to go to The Voice. She's kind to me and patient and...she's really not as bad as you think."
Looking up, he tilted his head. "On the other hand, if I went entirely to the Voice and swore off my non-Ascended friends, I'd be miserable. I would miss all of you and besides, the Voice has never asked me to do that. But it seems any kind of inbetween measure isn't working, because everyone is angry I dare to even speak to the Goddess that made me. Who else am I going to go to? The Old Gods? They tried to kill me last year."
His voice was low, his eyes darting to meet Jigano's for only microseconds at a time. Really, he would love for Jigano to give him a solution. A real solution, instead of just casting off his Goddess, but he doubted anyone in the Hollowed Grounds was unbiased enough for that now.
Samuel
He took a step but then felt tired
He said, I'll rest a little while
But when he tried to walk again
He wasn't a child
|
