you spin my head right round

LUSEA

i could recognize him by touch alone, by smell

i would know him blind,

Lying beneath him, I can feel the exhaustion setting in, anger and sorrow stinging in my eyes. Eyes that I close, so I can't see his face, can't see the things that are inside it, can't see the source of my fury and pain. It hurts so much, hurts more than anything, hurts to my core and under my soul. Maybe that's why I imagined the voices, my own humming pleasure with another man. Or maybe I'm just having hallucinations now, which on top of everything is just-

What the fuck was that?

Okay, so it was real. I wish I could answer, but honestly? I have no idea. I don't know what the fuck it was, I don't know how the fuck it happened, and I don't know what the fuck to do about it, except that it makes me feel powerful, and I love it and hate it and want to rub his face in it. "It was what you did to me," I whisper, eyes still closed, a small, pained smile on my lips.

My fingers curl into the snow, clinging to the cold as a way to feel alive. It reminds me that the world is still here, because honestly, right now it feels like it's all slipping away again, spiraling down into hell. Maybe this is hell. Maybe I've been dead all this time. "It was what I guess I'm free to do now. Now that we're seeing other people. Or whatever happens next."

i would know him in death,

at the end of the world

SUNJATA