As Frey disagreed with him, Remi’s eyes dropped immediately and submissively as one side of his face flinched as if slapped. Had it been communicated to the alchemist that there was any sort of choice involved when it came to Ludo’s offering, he might well have chosen death. As it was, Remi had been knee-deep in what would have been his own demise before the lion took over. Perhaps it was as Vai and Zero had said and the lion was truly him the entire time, but it didn’t feel that way. Not for the first time anyways; agency was not something he had felt like he possessed at the time his claws had torn into his own mother’s throat. Never would the kindly alchemist had ever chosen the death or murder of his own mother over any personal gain. He’d not have chosen her suffering over anything at all, in fact. Certainly he wouldn’t have chosen it over any boons or offerings from the ribbon-wrapped god. Remi, who had hardly asked for anything in his life, would have never asked for this.
The choice had been stripped from him, not that he’d argue the point with Frey of course.
As Rexanna’s grip began to tighten around him, Remi suddenly found himself unable to move. Despite the fact that his eyes wanted to widen in naiveish alarm and his expression was one of unfettered confusion and apology, he felt every muscle in his body stiffen as if encased in an invisible wax. The laugh which followed struck a painful chord in Remi’s heart, and could the man’s face have revealed the inner workings of his mind it would have looked crestfallen with despair and atonement. The alchemist did not believe in the gods such as the definition normally went, but he’d not intentionally offend, despite having apparently done so.
Finding himself once again gagged, bound, and on his knees in the presence of Frey (though this time he had apparently been allowed to keep his clothes), Remi found his gaze helplessly drawn to the deity who needed no additional tether to keep his eyes on them. Remi both basked and hid from their appearance, but of course the brilliance was so much brighter than the darkness from which he wanted to flee.
As Frey negatively reacted to Remi’s question, again the alchemist tensed as a former beaten dog might; his actions pathetic and plaintative. You really think that’s all I care about? Remi’s bright and youthful stare was fixed upon Frey with desperate sincerity. Is it? those eyes wondered, a faint and pathetically genuine flicker of hope deep within the wellspring of those sea-glass green eyes. But then ice invaded his veins, and though he could not take his eyes from the being his lashes briefly flailed closed against the sensation; so in contrast was it with the pleasurable neediness Frey had been isssuing before Remi felt entirely bereft of understanding.
Nearly panting, Remi tried to nod as Frey whispered in his ear but found himself unable to do so. As they backed up, the alchemist’s understanding but fearful gaze followed willingly. Passion? Desire? Pleasure? Heat? He could provide many of those things he was sure, especially if the woman he’d been with were reliable indicators of his skill. At the mention of love however, it was Loren who bloomed brightly in his mind, and in the wake of that, even the magnetic pull of Frey seemed to pale in comparison.
Loren– he thought to himself even as pinpricks of tears invaded the back of his eyes. Loren and Loren and Loren and – the man’s eyes bloomed beneath his eyelids and Remi momentarily clung to the memory of having Loren in his arms and over him and under him and–
–and then Frey was all that he could see. Chin raising, Remi gazed with hopeless love for Loren in his eyes and the posture of a lamb before the slaughter. The Launceleyn-blue dissolved somehow into an inarticulate construction of optical heaven, and Remi felt a rush of longing invade his flesh. Moaning inarticulately–and not just because of the gag–he found himself trying to lean towards the being even as the restraints tightened against his hands and forced him backwards. As they smiled, Remi felt ice in the back of his skull; the lullaby embrace of hypothermia. Death and the saviour all at once.
It was true Remi did not understand the forces at work here but–
–I will take something precious from you–
Panic. Alarms. Cold. Desperation.
Remi’s eyes widened. His breathing stopped.
no, no, no, nno
As Frey leaned forward, with tear-shiny eyes, Remi fought with all his strength. Screaming through the binding of his gag and wide-eyed with agitated desperation, Remi flailed as hard as he could. Bruised skin, torn flesh, broken bones were nothing when placed near Loren. Remi would do anything, give anything, yeild anything. The only person he’d ever loved in this way, Loren was everything that his mind could aspire to and grasp and need. He’d promised unwavering devotion and unfettered fielty and–
–as Frey’s lips came closer Remi flailed like a bound animal until Frey’s lips pressed against his forehead.
The slight hyperventilation which had occurred slowed and the light in Remi’s eyes went out. His eyes were forced upon Frey but he did not see. Tears stained his vision but he did not feel, even as his body latently went through the death throws of his fading love for Loren.
Come back with something I actually want they had said.
I want passion and desire and maybe even love they had said.
But Remi no longer had any.
As Rexanna’s scream filled the glade, Remi sat as he had been bound, staring at the grass. His eyes were wide in shock, tears streak his cheeks, but his breathing was surprisingly calm.
He felt nothing.
That should have made him scream, panic, hyperventilate, breakdown, collapse and any number of other things. But it didn’t. Instead, the alchemist straightened and looked towards the sapphire-eyed woman with solemn and kind eyes. ‘No...it is fine. I...” Running a hand back to front through his hair, Remi inhaled deeply. He loved Loren. He did. But he felt nothing. Just as he knew that rain existed and what wetness felt like, despite not feeling it now.
Pressing against his thighs with his strong hands, Remi stood. His mind protested, yielding what should have been an unbearable weight, and yet he carried it easily. This should be heartbreak. Agony. A lifetime of searching and finally finding only to culminate in a loss: yet Remi felt nothing.
“I am fine.” The alchemist said, offering a boyish and lopsided smile.
He wasn’t even hollow, for it felt like there had never been anything there to begin with. remi Trying to teach my common sense to not waver with my confidence
|
