Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
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i want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way
still i'd trade all my tomorrows,
Oh, she doesn’t attempt to know anything about him. But she can gather the information given. From when he asked to remove her scars and she had told him she liked them, she wanted them to stay. When he had told her that he kept his too. There was enough small chat about the Launceleyn’s and Zariah specifically that could only make the Penumbra guess as to what had occurred once upon a time.
And he seems to agree with her somewhat, mentioning that he had survived, which is what she knew to begin with. A survivor. He adapted. He lived. But at the end of the day, is surviving really living?
It’s not the end of it, not at all, as he claims he was made to be a weapon, double edged and sharp like the smiles and words he gives her. To wound and destroy. To cut himself down, too. And her smile remains while her heart falters slightly, before he gives her another cold, cruel smile. She wants to tell him he doesn’t have to keep cutting himself down, that perhaps he hasn’t met the right people yet. That she wouldn’t hurt him, not like Remi did. That she could befriend the monster everyone thinks he is. But nothing leaves her lips as he continues on, drawing closer to her until they’re almost touching.
Of course she doesn’t move, only her head lifts to follow his gaze and sharp smile. Her own smile fades into a more serious look, as she searches the sharp panes of his face, the lost weight almost making him gaunt. “And it was cruel of him to do it.” She agrees. “But you don’t have to leave it trampled in the dirt, Loren. You have someone that will be there for you if you let them.” Hasn’t she told him that she’s there for him if he wants to talk? That regardless of what goes on, she’ll find time for him?
Sure, she’s been gone opening portals, but she’s here now. Unannounced. Entirely by her own volition. “Let me help you. Let me be there for you.” A brief pause, hands unfolding from her chest to settled idly at her sides. “Stop trying to push everyone away. If you want to be a monster, a cruel person, then so be it. But you don’t have to be that way all the time.”
Well, this was downright intimate, their proximity. However, neither of them were in the mood to appreciate it: Rexanna still thought there was someone to be saved, and Loren knew there was no fixing him, because for once he wasn't broekn. ”I do? Oh wait, I know the answer to this one. It’s youuuuuu.” The singsong was back in full force. His smile slipped away as he stepped back, eyes traveling slowly down the length of her body then back up. And then she gave the response he’d just predicted she would.
He let her say her piece. Then he just smirked. ”No. I’m good. Thanks but no thanks. You see, you’re right, that I don’t have to be this way all the time.” As she uncrossed her arms, he crossed his, consciously shutting her out of his core. Maybe she’d catch his body language if his words weren’t clear enough. ”But I want to. And I don’t want your help. You wanna know why?” If she said yes, he’d be more than happy to tell her.
In fact, he might just do it even if she said no. She'd come here, trying to mold him into an image. But he was already the perfect version of himself. He didn't think the same could be said of her.
i want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way
still i'd trade all my tomorrows,
Oh, he can look as much as he pleases. She doesn’t move, giving him a sharp nod in response to the sing song tone. She doesn’t need to confirm it, because she continues and says her little ‘piece’ that answers the question. And he smirks to her, a laugh of disbelief leaving her throat. She uncrosses her arms and he crosses his own, shutting her out, and she focuses on him and his words without it.
Gods, he was miserable.
But he wants to play this game, and she doesn’t want to leave yet. Might as well get it all out in the air, after all. So she cocks her head to him, preparing mentally for the barbs and daggers he’s sure to shoot her way, ready for almost anything. “Why is that, Loren?” She asks, flat and focused, eyes sharp but quite a bit darker than the icicles of his own. She knows she’s not perfect, nobody is. Everyone has their flaws, and she’s accepted her own. He might think he’s the perfected version of himself, but he’s wrong in her eyes.
She’s not trying to mold him into anything. She’s trying to help him see there’s a middle ground. If he wants to burn and destroy himself, he can, but he doesn’t have to squirrel himself away into a pit of loneliness because of it, because he’s been burned and crushed too many times to count.
10-05-2019, 08:04 PM (This post was last modified: 10-05-2019, 08:05 PM by Loren.)
LOREN
He smiled at her when she took the obvious bait he’d been dangling, the sight less chilling than before and more anticipatory. While Loren hadn’t known Rexanna all that long, and he’d told her they were basically strangers, he knew a little bit about the blue-eyed woman and her life. Her lives, even, and those within and around them. Maybe not enough to wound her deeply, but enough to wound her such that she’d think twice about coming here again.
Without moving from where he stood, without uncrossing his arms, he spoke. ”Because I don’t think you’re very good at taking care of the friends and loved ones you already have these days. And I think you should work on that before you try to add anyone else to your life.” That wasn’t an accusation. If anything, his tone was more observational than anything else. His eyes, though, grew ever icier. And if she pressed him, he’d give her the reasons why. It might even help her.
i want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way
still i'd trade all my tomorrows,
He stands like a pillar when he speaks to her, pretending like he thought himself, that he knows her situation. But he doesn’t, and when the words leave his lips, a dark smile crosses her own face. “Oh? Where are you gaining this information?” She asks with a tilt to her head, because while the second version of herself is far better than the first, she will not be held accountable for the mistakes her first version did.
And if he’s heard anything from Kiada, that isn’t her now, and Loren should be wise to remember it.
Her hands fold across her chest as she lifts her head up toward him again with a raised brow. “Because I have taken very good care of them. And if any of them had a problem with it, they would tell me. So tell me, Loren, where did you hear that I wasn’t taking care of anyone?” She snaps back.
Loren had his ways. It helped that everyone in the Hollowed Grounds was chatty enough that they’d even talk to the depressed scion of a once great house. One that had produced one tyrant already, no less. ”From you and those close to you.” If Rexanna wanted details, however, the Launceleyn would be more than happy to supply them. ”You yourself just told me that you haven’t been spending much time with Bastien. You want to tell me some more? Is Hotaru still mourning those she lost? Does Kiada still hate you for leaving her and the rest of your children for a man?”
The summoner tilted his head. ”That's unfair. I guess that last one wasn’t really you. But it could be.” His voice on that last part grew ever colder. Now, though, he smirked at her. ”If you’re not careful to slip into new old habits. Of course, you’re completely convinced that all is well at home, so what do I know?” Although his tone remained hard, his eyes glittered, mischievous and icy.
i want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way
still i'd trade all my tomorrows,
“From you and those close to you.” She hears him say, and she wants to roll her eyes. “That’s vague.” She replies sarcastically before tilting her head as he expands, wondering where he believes he might know so much about her. And when he opens his mouth, she listens to each and every part — of Bastien, of Kiada, but it’s the comment about Hotaru that particularly gets under her skin.
“Bastien has his own hobbies, his own duties. But Hotaru? She will always mourn those she lost. Because when you lose a child, Loren, there’s never a day that goes by that you don’t mourn for them.” Alright, so it got under her skin. A secret of hers, a child lost in a prison cell years before her arrival. A death she had been blamed for. “And at the end of the day there’s nothing anyone can do about it. You can’t bring them back. So how are you supposed to help someone faced with that? You can’t.”
But when it comes to Kiada, he’s right. It wasn’t this version of her. She’s made strides to prevent it. She’s worked hard to be someone else, unable to be swept away by men that want nothing more than a womb for children. Like how Zariah wanted her to be. Her lip curls as she glares up at him, now. “You’re right. That wasn’t me. And it won’t be. Because I’ve married a painter instead of a King. I can’t have children. I have my friends and my family that know I would do anything for them.” She snaps in what seems like two predators sizing each other up. “Don’t sit there and pretend to know that other version of me. You weren’t there. You get this version, so talk about this one.”
Yeah, Loren knew it was vague, which is why he’d elaborated. And honestly, he was glad he had: Rexanna clearly was bothered by his words, if the swift and fierce way she responded to his accusations were any indication. ”So you just don’t spend time with him, then? You find his hobbies boring? Hardly seems like a strong foundation for a marriage.” Indeed, Bastien clearly didn’t rank that highly in his wife’s esteem.
That was the least of the Launceleyn’s follow ups. He smiled coldly as the blue-eyed woman went on and on about how Hotaru’s loss was so unique and awful because she’d lost a child. It very well might be true; the summoner had no children of his own, just those he took care of. However, he wasn’t going to respond to that aspect of it. ”So I was right. You can’t help your friend. You have no idea how.” In at least this much, Loren had been right.
His smile just grew broader and darker as the topic shifted to Kiada, and everything Rexanna had done to avoid repeating the mistakes of her alternate self. ”Alright then. So I guess I should say that this version seems a bit too defensive about the other version of her, even when this version professed that there’s no possible way she could become the one Kiada knew.” In fact, the summoner knew the blue-eyed woman protested too much. ”Let me get this straight. You were so worried about becoming the worst version of yourself that you physically changed who you were, so you couldn’t have children. And then even that wasn’t enough, so you decided to marry a man who was the opposite of your ex-husband, just to try to prove to yourself you weren’t the same. Were you that weak and that worried that you’d become the other version of you?” From where Loren was standing, that certainly seemed to be a part of it.
i want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way
still i'd trade all my tomorrows,
Alright, so now Rexanna rolls her eyes. “I’m not a painter, but I still spend time with him. I don’t have to be painting to do that. Sitting in the same room with a good conversation is good enough.” She replies easily. She doesn’t have to be directly involved. Her and Bastien don’t need to become the same person to have a successful marriage. But her frustrations shift, because yes while there’s nothing she can do to help Hotaru, she still can help her by being there for her. She just can’t take the pain away.
But it’s not worth it to her to tear him down for those little tidbits of information, as the summoner begins to devolve into this version of her like she’s asked, and she laughs in more disbelief. “Because everyone that’s here that knows me better than myself, knew that version. So yes, I’m a bit defensive.” She acknowledges. It’s a flaw, definitely, but she accepts it and moves on. But he’s not done, he drones on and on once more about how she’s gone out of her way to be different, and the frustration and anger disappears in lieu of a bright smile, genuine across her face.
“Ah, see, no. That’s where you’re getting confused.” She says with a tilt to her head. “I didn’t do it to prevent myself from being that version of myself. I did it for me, which is different from that version. Because while I was only abandoned, I still couldn’t have children. So that’s not new. Becoming Ascended on the other hand, to protect myself from people like Zariah. Marrying Bastien? I did it because I love him. I didn’t do it for power or attention or status, like I did in that other version. I did this for me.” She’s different, different from that version of herself. But only because she chose to put herself first, to not become a piece of someone else’s game.
“I refuse to be a pawn again. And I took those steps to prevent it.” She pauses consideringly, sapphire eyes lifting to his face. “But you’re right. I was weak. But I’m not anymore.”
As Rexanna rolled her eyes, Loren just smirked. Seemed he’d scored a few good hits, and that was enough for him. ”Well. I’m glad conversation is enough to keep the marriage spicy.” Obviously he was being sarcastic, though he wasn’t really trying too hard. He’d made his point, and she had rebutted it, but as long as the Launcelyn planted the seeds of doubt that was fine. Besides, he was far more interested in her lack of response to his comment about her friend. ”However, I’m concerned that you can’t even seem to talk to Hotaru about her woes. Too busy chatting with the husband, maybe?” The smirked deepened and grew a cruel edge; if this was, indeed, a sore spot, the Launceleyn would keep hitting it.
”So you’re selfish, then?” Obviously the summoner was twisting her words around to suit himself. However, she was the one trying to break through to him, and she’d have to do a much better job of that. Thankfully, they could agree on one thing. ”So your selfishness made you strong.” He leaned forward. ”Well, I too was weak, and now I’m strong as well. Guess we both found out that secret.” Indeed, it was doing what he wanted to do, not what he thought he was expected to do. If that wasn’t selfishness, he didn’t know what was.
i want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way
still i'd trade all my tomorrows,
He might think that he has sewn seeds of doubt in Rexanna’s mind, but the woman knows who she is deep down. She knows Bastien knows who she is. And she knows who he is too. Two puzzle pieces fitting together, to face the differences in the world with different ideas and thoughts. There wasn’t anything she’d keep from Bastien, nothing she’d hide and squirrel away at the end of the day for fear of what he might think or do.
And that felt pretty secure, to her.
But he brings up Hotaru again and her eyes narrow slightly. “I have spent months talking to Hotaru about it.” She announces. “But at the end of the day it’s all the same. You can’t bring them back. And we both have come to the understanding that it’s easier to avoid the sadness that comes with those conversations. To move on.” Despite the cruel smirk that crosses his face, it doesn’t falter the smile on her own. He’s not going to bring her down on that, when he has absolutely zero experience in that regard.
At the next comment, she laughs once more. “Sure. Yes.” Her shoulders rise and fall in a shrug. She can’t deny it, nor does she want to. “There’s nothing wrong with being selfish to a degree. Everyone is.” Because sometimes you have to do things for you, and if that made you selfish, so be it.
“I guess we both did find that out, hmm? So what? You can still have friends.” She huffs, not understanding his need of this… Self-searching into who he is, makes him a prick to everyone else. Maybe he enjoys being alone and having nobody to turn to.
Well then. Seemed Rexanna had everything figured out. ”Move on then. Nothing’s keeping you or Hotaru tied to the past. She told me as much herself.” However, the Ascended woman seemed stuck in this one place, at least for now. And Loren obviously wasn’t keeping her in the Manor. No, she was free to leave at any time. He wouldn’t even let the door hit her on the way out.
Finally, they came to the heart of the matter: what the blue-eyed woman called an unwillingness on his part to have friends, the Launceleyn called an impossibility. ”You’re right that there’s nothing wrong with selfishness. However, you’re wrong that I can have friends. You want to know why? Because everyone seems to think they know how to help me, or else they pity me, or else they want to change me. Now, I don't know a lot about friendship, but it seems to me true friends will support the other, not try to mold them into a more pleasing form. And until they get it through their heads that I’m not one of their projects then I don’t want their friendship. And I'm not one of your projects either.” Indeed, he’d seen how Rexanna had shown concern for his past, had tried to coddle him. That was the opposite of what the summoner needed: time and space and patience while he figured out who he was.
i want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way
still i'd trade all my tomorrows,
He has the audacity to tell her to move on. And she tilts her head to him in response to that, a dark brow raised. “You keep bringing it up. Twice now. So move on.” She snaps to him. Because she certainly hadn’t been the one to bring it up, he just happened to keep asking questions about it. She’ll leave it where it lies, and she hopes that he does the same if only to keep from going in this circle over and over again about the ability she has with her friends.
But he’s not done, no, another rampaged rant sent her way and she finally concedes a step to run a hand through her dark hair. “Alright.” She begins, pinning him with a small look. She won’t let him be a project of hers. She doesn’t have the energy, nor the willingness now to do it. But she can at least inform him what friendship is like. “And for the record? Friendship goes both ways. Don’t forget that when you manage to get through your thick skull that you can make them.”
If he wanted space, she’ll gladly give it to him. She concedes another step, turning from him to grab her jacket and slip it on. “Until then, figure yourself out.” She glances over to him, wondering how Longnight is going to work if they’re going at it like this. He had mentioned she could bite him without the repercussions of before, but… Did that extend to the Longnight preparations? For the Sparkbirds and protections required?
She doesn’t know, nor does she find she really cares that much right now. Lifting up her dark hood to cover her hair from the night, she gives him a pause, waiting to see if he’ll stop her or if she’ll simply have to deal with this whole ordeal later. But there isn’t much else to be said, without spinning in circles again and again.
Rexanna could get as upset as she liked about Loren’s actions, and it wouldn’t really affect him. Still, he’d be more than happy to oblige this request of hers. ”I’ve already moved on.” Indeed, Hotaru was old news: if Rexanna wanted to dwell on the other woman’s lost child, the Ascended could do so. The rest of them were definitely moving forward, though, and they wouldn't wait for stragglers.
As the blue-eyed woman fixed the summoner with her best stare, he just cocked an eyebrow. He’d faced down far more terrifying expressions and lived to tell the tale. Once more, she’d have to put up a much better effort to get anything new out of him. When she talked about friendship, and what it meant to her—how sweet, she thought she knew how all relationships worked—he just smirked. ”Is that so? I wouldn’t know, you know, since I’ve never had any real friends. Well, alright then, since you seem to care so much about reciprocity, what do you need from me?” He spread his arms, as if to invite her in. No doubt she needed something. They always did.
However, maybe he’d finally convinced her that he wasn’t worth her time. Good. One less person he had to worry about bothering him; he let his arms drop to his side as he watched her go. Still, she couldn't resist one last quip, so he wouldn't hold back either. ”There’s nothing left to figure out.” He’d realized that he couldn’t trust anyone, and was acting accordingly. This was what that looked like, when the Launceleyn finally accepted that he was and always would be alone.
