The Midwife's Wards

Apparently Phoebe didn’t necessarily agree with Loren’s thoughts on whether traumatic events shattered them or made them stronger than ever. He thought maybe they were both a little right and a little wrong. ”I said we don’t always get to choose. Because sometimes...sometimes the experience is so overwhelming, or our upbringing has prepared us so poorly to handle it, that we just collapse under the pressure.” That had happened to him more than once, and he hadn’t always chosen that path. He hadn’t chosen to have a mental breakdown, hadn’t chosen to abandon everyone, but it had happened. If he let himself view that as a choice he’d made, it would ruin him more than he already was. Vicious cycles were the only ones he’d ever known: torture, emotional turmoil, violence, death. He didn’t see that changing any time soon, not given what they were up against. Indeed, if anything, it was just getting worse with time, not better. LongNight was apparently going to be far more terrifying and dangerous than anything he’d experienced up to now, and that was saying a lot. ”Maybe.” There wasn’t any way to change that, not now; it was far too late for him to go back and make different choices, better choices, and try to break the cycles he constantly found himself in. Even if he could in his personal life, the world wouldn’t stop beating the drums of war it seemed. Not trusting himself to speak further, he simply nodded at her comment about apologies and patience. No doubt he’d undo this progress as well, but for now the wheel was on an upswing for him and he’d let it continue for as long as possible. LOREN Not quite an open book