impossible reasons

It seemed that Amalia had a lot to say. Luckily for her, Loren was perfectly willing to let her say it all. Indeed, as she struggled to come up with even a few examples of how he’d done good, he just smirked quietly. Bull in a china shop indeed: seemed that even when she was trying to make him feel better, her true thoughts shown through. ”And have I made any amends, really? People are still terrified of the Launceleyns, and my trampling around didn’t help with that.” No, he’d just added himself to the list of monstrous members of his family. ”My magic is puny, and no one, even myself, can tell if it will even help in the end. It didn’t with the Prince, and people keep telling me how useless I am and how much I don't know. Though you’re right, I’m not as bad as Roana.” Small blessing, that. He tilted his head at Amalia. ”Who gets to decide if I’m a monster, then, if not the people who look at me like I’m about to turn into one at the drop of a hat?” If she said him, well, that would be just fine. Maybe that was because he was irritating and self-centered and sometimes insufferable. Her words, not his. As the baker finally grew angry, the summoner just shrugged. Her words couldn’t possibly be more hurtful than the ones he’d heard from his family, his supposed loved ones, and himself over the years. ”Who said it’s a game, or that I want to get anything out of this? Maybe I’m just being honest. But you’re probably right.” He gave her one of his scary little grins. ”The world hates me, though maybe not as much as I hate myself, I’ll give you that. Given the history of insanity in my family, and how dangerously unstable I am, maybe it was only a matter of time before I snapped.” That was always a possibility, one the baker had obviously considered. His voice came out coldly clinical, as if he were discussing nothing more than the weather. ”Or maybe it was the fact that I didn’t exactly receive a warm welcome on my return that sent me back over the edge.” He wasn’t really blaming anyone but himself for the events that had transpired, but it wasn’t as if others had not contributed to his latest flirtation with madness. Yes, the blight was terrifying and occupying everyone's time and focus. On top of that, he was terrible about being open about what he needed. He'd been sick, though, in his mind, and needed help. And he hadn't exactly gotten it, so maybe this was just a continuation of the insanity that had driven him away to begin with. LOREN Not quite an open book