Amalia
she wants the silence but fears the solitude
she wants to be alone and together with you
"Why is that even important?" Why does it matter how she said it? But it does, and at least he's finally being honest, not hiding behind the armor of martyrdom he so very expertly seems to wear. Exhaling sharply, she looks away. "You're right. I said you should go without me. Because if you just feel like you have to watch me, and keep me from getting in trouble-" She clenches her teeth and bites her lip, irritated at him, at herself, at the whole damn thing. She thinks about telling him then and there that she plans to, has to go again, but it seems like an inopportune time.
Her face is a scowl, not just anger but focus, a painful and failing attempt to maintain her composure despite the cracking of her heart. No, she's never left him, but maybe this is just as bad. Maybe she should have kept herself bottled, kept wraps and blinds on her injured parts. She does not want to hurt him, but she doesn't have control- she's lashing out, the unsaid things like raindrops from her tongue.
Her toes flicker on the wood floor, claws scraping across wood as they curl uncomfortably. What has he said? "You haven't said anything, but you... you say so many nice things, but you don't act like it's how you feel." It's confusing, sometimes, for a girl ill versed in the nuances of careful mind games. "You hide from me, and I keep trying to make you happy. But... but every time I disagree with you, you just..." She falters, falling, her words unchecked and wild. "When you became king and we said anything - anything - about it you ran away. From all of us. For weeks. You treated me like a stranger- like I betrayed you. After I almost lost my freedom to protect what you built, and you never came to see me. To... to show you were still okay."
Taking a shuddering breath, the girl falls silent, the torrent ending as quickly as it began. There's more, but she already can feel her ability to be coherent slipping, and she knows how this will inevitably end. "I don't want you to leave," Amalia says softly, dark eyes staring at a spot on the wall. "Or... I don't know. I'm not saying I don't... don't want to be your friend. But I... I've spent so long feeling small, and I'm tired, and... and I don't know, Jigano. You say that you believe in me, but I never feel that way."
Her face is a scowl, not just anger but focus, a painful and failing attempt to maintain her composure despite the cracking of her heart. No, she's never left him, but maybe this is just as bad. Maybe she should have kept herself bottled, kept wraps and blinds on her injured parts. She does not want to hurt him, but she doesn't have control- she's lashing out, the unsaid things like raindrops from her tongue.
Her toes flicker on the wood floor, claws scraping across wood as they curl uncomfortably. What has he said? "You haven't said anything, but you... you say so many nice things, but you don't act like it's how you feel." It's confusing, sometimes, for a girl ill versed in the nuances of careful mind games. "You hide from me, and I keep trying to make you happy. But... but every time I disagree with you, you just..." She falters, falling, her words unchecked and wild. "When you became king and we said anything - anything - about it you ran away. From all of us. For weeks. You treated me like a stranger- like I betrayed you. After I almost lost my freedom to protect what you built, and you never came to see me. To... to show you were still okay."
Taking a shuddering breath, the girl falls silent, the torrent ending as quickly as it began. There's more, but she already can feel her ability to be coherent slipping, and she knows how this will inevitably end. "I don't want you to leave," Amalia says softly, dark eyes staring at a spot on the wall. "Or... I don't know. I'm not saying I don't... don't want to be your friend. But I... I've spent so long feeling small, and I'm tired, and... and I don't know, Jigano. You say that you believe in me, but I never feel that way."
she ran to the lighthouse, hoped that it would help her see
she saw that the lighthouse had been washed out to sea
