His good intentions had led him straight to hell before, and it was no different now. Her body language spoke clearly that he was wrong; every word made things worse, but she had asked him to talk to her, to treat her like an adult, and so he did.
But talking only fanned the flames. Every time he opened his mouth he hurt her more, not knowing what else he could do but try.
And he flinched from the whispered ‘I don’t cares,’ the Shield’s words a whip that struck again and again. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t asked her to save the Guild – a Guild he had trusted to be stronger than a Tyrant’s words, but Amalia had not. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t come to ask him for his opinion or advice on what she was doing with that Guild, when she knew that Rory could reach him with any message to meet with her. It didn’t matter that she had kept her correspondence with Zariah hidden so that he hadn’t known that her freedom was threatened until Deimos had told him… and then he had gone straight to the Launceleyn Manor to exchange his freedom for hers, willing to take responsibility for the choice she had made without him. It didn’t matter that he admitted to flaws and faults and fuckups, that he knew he wasn’t always right and had said so before, on several occasions. That he had apologized and thought those apologies had been accepted when her words now seemed to indicate otherwise. But she didn’t care about any of that, and he stayed silent while she spoke, doing his best to listen in the face of her dangerously quiet anger.
What could he say? Ten minutes before she had been frustrated that all he did was apologize when she tried to talk to him. Now the problem was that he didn’t apologize in the right way… or at all. Or… something else that he was missing. Something else that he had failed her at, and he let his head sink down as he drew in a steadying breath.
At least she still considered him a friend after all he had done. Perhaps she shouldn’t, not with how he had made her feel, but he held tightly to that swift assurance, even as he acknowledged that he had put too much on her slim shoulders. He had needed her, but she had never asked for that burden. She had born up under it for so long while he only added to it and now…
”Please don’t,” he said – begged – swiftly. He pushed himself to his feet, not bothering to straighten his tunic as he looked at her and saw the weariness in her. He wanted to reach out but was afraid of being rejected again, and his hands curled and uncurled helplessly at his sides. ”This isn’t just LongNight worries. I’ve… I’ve hurt you, Ama, and I didn’t even realize it. Thank you for telling me. I should have realized sooner what I was doing to you.” Should have, but never did. Too blinded by his own fears and his own arrogance. Too certain of her patience and forgiveness. He drew in a careful breath, looking down at his flexed hands for a moment, white ears still laid back with pain and guilt but no longer flat against his skull. ”I’m sorry for taking advantage of you for so long. But I meant what I said earlier.” He looked up, and his gaze was steady even if the pain was still fresh. ”I love you, and you will always be welcome at my side.”
But talking only fanned the flames. Every time he opened his mouth he hurt her more, not knowing what else he could do but try.
And he flinched from the whispered ‘I don’t cares,’ the Shield’s words a whip that struck again and again. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t asked her to save the Guild – a Guild he had trusted to be stronger than a Tyrant’s words, but Amalia had not. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t come to ask him for his opinion or advice on what she was doing with that Guild, when she knew that Rory could reach him with any message to meet with her. It didn’t matter that she had kept her correspondence with Zariah hidden so that he hadn’t known that her freedom was threatened until Deimos had told him… and then he had gone straight to the Launceleyn Manor to exchange his freedom for hers, willing to take responsibility for the choice she had made without him. It didn’t matter that he admitted to flaws and faults and fuckups, that he knew he wasn’t always right and had said so before, on several occasions. That he had apologized and thought those apologies had been accepted when her words now seemed to indicate otherwise. But she didn’t care about any of that, and he stayed silent while she spoke, doing his best to listen in the face of her dangerously quiet anger.
What could he say? Ten minutes before she had been frustrated that all he did was apologize when she tried to talk to him. Now the problem was that he didn’t apologize in the right way… or at all. Or… something else that he was missing. Something else that he had failed her at, and he let his head sink down as he drew in a steadying breath.
At least she still considered him a friend after all he had done. Perhaps she shouldn’t, not with how he had made her feel, but he held tightly to that swift assurance, even as he acknowledged that he had put too much on her slim shoulders. He had needed her, but she had never asked for that burden. She had born up under it for so long while he only added to it and now…
”Please don’t,” he said – begged – swiftly. He pushed himself to his feet, not bothering to straighten his tunic as he looked at her and saw the weariness in her. He wanted to reach out but was afraid of being rejected again, and his hands curled and uncurled helplessly at his sides. ”This isn’t just LongNight worries. I’ve… I’ve hurt you, Ama, and I didn’t even realize it. Thank you for telling me. I should have realized sooner what I was doing to you.” Should have, but never did. Too blinded by his own fears and his own arrogance. Too certain of her patience and forgiveness. He drew in a careful breath, looking down at his flexed hands for a moment, white ears still laid back with pain and guilt but no longer flat against his skull. ”I’m sorry for taking advantage of you for so long. But I meant what I said earlier.” He looked up, and his gaze was steady even if the pain was still fresh. ”I love you, and you will always be welcome at my side.”
