meet me where the falling stars live
I will wait for you day and night
She would stay like this forever if she could, frozen in a moment of happiness, of peace. He thinks matters little; if only he could see, feel what it means to her to feel safe, to feel held. Opening her mind to him, she tries to express it without words: warmth and contentment in a stormy sea, a ship rescued by a lighthouse in the hurricane's eye. Around the edges are the dangers, the sharp stinging pains and anxious thoughts that threaten to encroach and swallow her whole, but here, with him as her beacon, her sword, those starving shadows are kept at Bay.But he deserves more. He deserves to know what is going on with her, the things that cause her to shut down, the shadows that bite at her and eat into her heart. He deserves her darkness as well as her light. Tracing the lines of Deimos' rough palm, Amalia hums softly in thought as she tries to figure out what to tell him, how to explain without falling prey to the storm. "Ever since I was little... I feel responsible for everything. Even things I know I, I'm not. And it... it can get overwhelming, sometimes. And sometimes I just hurt for no reason, and I don't know why. And if I try to fix it it just gets worse. I start thinking about all the things I've done wrong, and every mistake, and how inadequate I am, and-"
She takes a breath, pausing as her mind begins to spiral. "And it doesn't matter if it's true or not. I still... I feel it. And... and whenever people say I shouldn't feel this way because I am okay and because they love me and they see all these things in me it just makes it worse." Releasing his hand, Amalia turns away on the bed, wrapping her arms around herself as the anxiety begins to rise. The storm is coming, a rising tide; she can hear it howling in her ears. It feels wrong to tell him that what I need is for you not to try to make it better, but in truth it is the case. "Because then I feel like I'm letting them down all over again. Like I'm letting you down, because... because I can't stop feeling this way." She needs his comfort, needs his stability. Needs to know she has a port to call her own.
Amalia
