OLIVER
Okay. That's it. "What the fuck Sunjata." Oliver sounded more frustrated than sad at this point...at least he was feeling something other than sadness? And he wasn't crying anymore: what an improvement. "If you weren't nice you wouldn't be next to me." You also wouldn't have held me... "You also wouldn't have dealt with ugly, snotty, useless me. I mean look at me. I probably snotted all over you." He wasn't exactly in a good headspace. His emotions were quite haywire. His voice was slurring but on the bright side, there were no more tears leaving his eyes...or at least sad ones.
When Sunjata tried to explain his misdoings, Oliver still didn't understand, but he also didn't agree with anything Sunjata was saying at this time. Maybe it wasn't his fault that Bastien was out there, but it was still his responsibility to save him. Sure, he was alive, but what would Bastien think? It was conflicting. Deep down, he did somewhat agree with him. Somewhat. He wanted to believe Sunjata. That everything was okay...but he also almost killed him.
He wasn't sure what to think. His brain refused to accept Sunjata's suggestion as a possibility. No way was he completely innocent. "I don't..." He let out a groan and leaned against Sunjata, missing the touch and contact.
"I don't know. I mean....fuck. I almost killed him Sunjata. If Ezra hadn't opened that door then he would've died. It would've been my fucking fault and then they would've killed me over it." He sounded frustrated. It also seemed a bit hard for him to actually put his thoughts together, like he was having an inner battle.
"How can you assume that everything is okay. Bastien was so mad at me. Everyone was mad at me. I was so excited that finally someone saw me as something other than a useless waste of space and I fucking blew it all up because I'm a stupid fucking dumbass." Someone really needs to turn off his cursing filter because now he just seems to be rambling. His anger wasn't directed at Sunjata, that much should be obvious. Most of it seemed to be him hating on himself, not blaming anyone for his rage. "I want to get over this...but I almost killed someone. How can Bastien, Loren, Ezra, or even you look at me the same way knowing that I was almost the reason why someone died? Oh and just wait for his wife to find out. They'll be sacrificing me to fucking Safrin over this. Maybe that'll finally get the gods attention."
Finally. FINALLY he seemed to be out of steam. He took a few deep breaths, shutting up for a bit.
When Sunjata tried to explain his misdoings, Oliver still didn't understand, but he also didn't agree with anything Sunjata was saying at this time. Maybe it wasn't his fault that Bastien was out there, but it was still his responsibility to save him. Sure, he was alive, but what would Bastien think? It was conflicting. Deep down, he did somewhat agree with him. Somewhat. He wanted to believe Sunjata. That everything was okay...but he also almost killed him.
He wasn't sure what to think. His brain refused to accept Sunjata's suggestion as a possibility. No way was he completely innocent. "I don't..." He let out a groan and leaned against Sunjata, missing the touch and contact.
"I don't know. I mean....fuck. I almost killed him Sunjata. If Ezra hadn't opened that door then he would've died. It would've been my fucking fault and then they would've killed me over it." He sounded frustrated. It also seemed a bit hard for him to actually put his thoughts together, like he was having an inner battle.
"How can you assume that everything is okay. Bastien was so mad at me. Everyone was mad at me. I was so excited that finally someone saw me as something other than a useless waste of space and I fucking blew it all up because I'm a stupid fucking dumbass." Someone really needs to turn off his cursing filter because now he just seems to be rambling. His anger wasn't directed at Sunjata, that much should be obvious. Most of it seemed to be him hating on himself, not blaming anyone for his rage. "I want to get over this...but I almost killed someone. How can Bastien, Loren, Ezra, or even you look at me the same way knowing that I was almost the reason why someone died? Oh and just wait for his wife to find out. They'll be sacrificing me to fucking Safrin over this. Maybe that'll finally get the gods attention."
Finally. FINALLY he seemed to be out of steam. He took a few deep breaths, shutting up for a bit.
a disaster!
a massive mess
trying to not die
