I've lost control of all my senses

Part of Sam's sorrow was because he had firmly placed the blame nowhere but himself. He had realised that this whole thing was his doing, that he had acted selfishly, foolishly; he had hoped to tell Jigano he had been right with his words, but his emotions were everywhere and he could not articulate what he wanted to say. What came out was fragmented, in the wrong tone, mixed up. "I..." Had he learned anything? "I think I've learned I should just..." His left hand wandered over to his right again, now grabbing the back of his hand and pushing down on the stumps with his palm, hard. "I've learned I'm an idiot and there's a reason I should not have gone outside. I don't know who's right and everyone else has that worked out and I don't and I keep hurting people and-- and--" He was almost hyperventilating, breathing fast and desperate despite the lack of need for air, eyes staring determinedly off at something Jigano couldn't see. "Don't worry. I'm going to go away soon. When I can...when I can move again. You don't need to bother trying to help me anymore because I don't listen and I ruin it anyway. Fuck, I thought...last year, when I came outside, I thought...I could matter, but..." Shaking his head, Sam sunk his head down into his lap, sobbing with the sounds of a man entirely broken. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child