hallucinogenics

SuNjATA

the flood

Well he thought he was prepared to give her a retort, to respond to her fears and the frustrations of why things have happened the way it has, but he finds that he isn’t as she brings it up again, that he hadn’t chosen her, and his gaze tears from her as he mumbles something in Korofi under his breath, hidden and frustrated too. He has half a thought to tell her that he did choose her for a night, and how well that had gone, from both of them telling Lusea about it in the end.

“Look, I get it.” He finally rumbles, eyes finding her face again. “How many times do I have to tell you I’m sorry before you stop bringing it up?” She knows he can’t choose her, and yet it’s what she always brings up. He had thought after the argument of last time, where they’d argued about it, that she had been more than willing to let himself fuck himself over for the retaliation he surely got from it, the anger that had come from her at doing such a thing.

“I’m not passing it off. I get it, I acknowledge it. You do have a lot on your plate. You just have different priorities now with caring for the boys.” He sets aside the bandages and creams to slip his shirt back on, carefully with a slight hiss that sounds somewhat feline as it presses against one of the burns and causes his head to throb even further. “But in order to do that, Phoebe, you’ve got to stop taking everything to heart.” He says finally, arms folding along his chest as he leans back against one or the shelving.

ain't no rest for the wicked

PHOEBE

"It isn't about you apologizing, it was just a statement of fact." she said with a slight sigh. Some situations reached a point where forgiveness and apology were no longer sought, but the reverberations of the suffering still needed to be mentioned to remind oneself and others that they were still felt.

But his words set something off in her. Her cheeks puffed up with anger, brows furrowing as she glared at him. "Stop taking what to heart, Jata? How I'm not good enough for anyone? How everything I want is considered ridiculous? How I've put my heart and soul into this college and everyone who shows some interest ultimstely leaves or has died? Or maybe how you're standing there right now trying to tell me how to run my life when I know you don't have yours in order any more than I do and you have less than half the responsibility I do!" she said angrily, hands shaking.

"I'm so sick and tired of people telling me what to do like I can't figure it out when I just want someone to hear me out and tell me it'll be okay and let me vent!" That really was a sticking point for her. She didn't need a solution, she just needed someone to let her complain and whine for a moment so she could do what she needed to do. Instead she just held it all in until she exploded just like this.

Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?

SuNjATA

the flood

Well, it is a statement of fact, but it’s also something he’s well aware of. And his eyes follow her as she sighs, and he surprisingly remains silent, to bite down on his lower lip as he turns part of the way away from her, arms coming to fold across his chest. He only looks over when she starts to explode, to unleash on him, and he listens to her until she tells him how to live his life. When suddenly, she’s right about it. He doesn’t have a plan. His plan has been nonexistent from the start. And with it, little to no responsibility. And so he sighs, running a hand through his hair — letting her speak, before he realizes that it’s not necessarily an argument game for her, so much as a venting session.

And at first, Sunjata nods to her, before he pushes himself off the counter and moves toward her, reaching for that shaking hand, to pull her in for a hug if she’ll let him. Because at the end of the day, he still cares about her. But he’s simply far more aware about it unblighted and hungover than drunk with the entirety of what happened before.

“Here, come vent to me.” He tells her, tugging on that hand to move back to a room further from the boys but still enough within earshot. And as if to prove the point to her that he’ll remain silent for her to vent away, he shifts to that new form of his. Dark black fur sprouts with the hint of spots beneath their darkness cover his whole body, feline gunmetal eyes watch her with perked ears, before he flattens himself to the floor in the total look of “well, tell me about it,” while his tail drifts idly along the floor.

ain't no rest for the wicked

PHOEBE

It wouldn't be hard to pull the midwife into a hug. Without the blight coursing through her veins, any inclination to be combatant was entirely gone. Instead, she relaxed, closing her eyes as her face pressed against his chest. It was a simple comfort, but one she desperately needed. Her hands remained at her side though, soaking in the ting bit of affection without giving it in return. She had given Jata too much of her self already.

Quietly she followed as he pulled her away, brow raising slightly as he turned into a large, black cat after telling her to vent. The blonde sighed and sat, gently grabbing the end of his long tail and running it through her hands methodically, the mindless action grounding her slightly. "I'm just sick of being told I'm young. Like its an excuse or a reason to discount me. Like...because I am not trying to save the world or running off on reckless adventures that anything I do is dismissable." she said softly, frowning at her lap as she continued to play with his tail. "And I'm.. I'm just overwhelmed because now I've got to do it all with three six year olds - and they are lovely boys and I am happy to raise them and love them - but...it's a lot. And I am alone - and it isn't whining about not having a husband or someone to love me anymore its...its that triplets are a lot for one person! Let alone one person running two medical practices, both of which I am now going to be doing pretty much on my own. Cera died and it crushes me. Nate is never around. And Loren...I don't know he has his nose in everything even though he hasn't taken any time to really get to know what's going on and even when he does he always thinks he is more right somehow and its frustrating." she said with a sigh.

For a moment she fell silent. It was a lot. A lot she didn't even know how to put into words. "And it all keeps happening all at once and I've no time to process, and everyone thinks I'm just whining but...but haven't I been through enough to be allowed to be upset about it? Just for a bit before I figure out my next step? Why do I have to keep it together all of the time? It isn't healthy! We have these emotions for a reason and we should feel them fully and process them."

Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?

SuNjATA

the flood

The hug is brief, and that’s probably for the best – before anyone can walk in and perhaps get the wrong idea. And so he’s grateful for that tiny mercy, before he’s leading her to a quieter room, shifting into his panther form and settling along the floor. She grabs at his tail, and he scoots himself a bit closer, extending out his back feet while he listens, whiskers twitching here and there. But he keeps his tail even, gentle, letting her mess with it as much as she wishes to.

And at the mention of being overwhelmed, he nods his head in agreement, unable to say anything but to just sit there and let himself be her board to sound off of. A part of him wants to ask how Roana had done it, being alone and raising the boys, but it’s perhaps a bit different having raised them versus taking care of them. And with it, he only tilts his head. At the mention of Cera dying, his whiskers twitch. Had that been the man he had thrown out into the LongNight winds? Into the snow?

A purr erupts at Loren’s iteration from her, something akin to a feline chuckle as he nods in agreement, until she explains that she just wants to be able to feel them, process them, and get better. It isn’t healthy, she’s right, and he knows this intimately well with being unable to deal with his own feelings until they explode. So he edges toward her, head aiming to bump against her hand briefly as he tries to give her as much attention as he can in this form, as much agreement, before he pulls away and shifts back into himself, spread out along the ground on his back, knees raised and hands behind his head.

“You’re right.” He tells her, head angling to look at her with his steel gaze. “You’re allowed to be upset for as long as you want. I'm sorry that it's all happened so quickly without giving you a chance to deal with it.” Because gods knew he was still upset over what had happened to him. And it had been almost a decade. And he had also been one of those to erupt on her, though he pertains that to the drinking and the hangover mostly. Trying to shift some of the blame.

ain't no rest for the wicked

PHOEBE

The midwife sighed, staring down at her hands. ”It isn’t your fault.” she mumbled. He hadn’t been the reason everything happened all at once. Really, it was no one’s fault save for sheer bad luck. ”Just don’t blame things on me being young anymore, okay? It’s got nothing to do with that.” she mumbled. All it did was take away the legitimacy of her stress in light of someone else’s.

”I’m sure Lusea is wondering where you are by now.” she said quietly, a soft sight escaping her lips. Everyone had somewhere else and someone more important to be with. The only people she was that sort of important to now was the triplets, and she would be content with that. She had wanted children after all, this was the universe’s twisted way of giving them to her, and she would embrace it fully. After a small meltdown of course. She was only human after all.

Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still, why am I not happier?

SuNjATA

the flood

It isn’t really his fault, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t take some of the blame. Too much had happened too quickly, and coincidences had occurred. And through it all? He had been partially responsible for the decline. Still, he listens to her wishes and nods from his place on the floor before he sits up, drawing his knees up to his chest casually and resting an arm over it. “Alright. I won’t.” A quiet promise, a silent vow.

She tells him that Lusea is likely wondering where he went off to, and he snorts, shaking his head before he sighs and makes to stand once more. “She’s been helping out at the makeshift bar.” He tells her with a small shrug, insinuating that she’s busy. “But chances are if she finds me here with you I’ll likely be missing a few pieces when I get back.” It’s a joke, but there’s seriousness beneath it all.

He slides the shirt over the bandages after a moment, stretching out his arm to see how it feels beneath the fabric before he moves to her again and looks down to her, steel eyes searching her face. “But if you need anything, let me know, okay?”

ain't no rest for the wicked