there's a fire starting in my heart
reaching a fever pitch
Groaning, Loren covered his face with his hands. However, he forced himself to take a deep breath, then turn to face Abasi. ”Remi and I were...we have a past, yes.” The Launceleyn’s tone was more than a bit nervous. ”In my old world...men were not allowed to be with men. But Remi and I were drawn to one another. Unfortunately, for a long time, it wasn’t enough to overcome his fear of the repercussions if we did anything, though eventually he got past that. We barely had any time to court one another, though, because right after he did, we were brought here.”Words still troubled, the summoner forced himself to continue. ”And then we came to Caido, and he thought that, in this new world, with different rules, we could finally be together. But I…” The summoner trailed off and squeezed his eyes shut. ”I couldn’t handle this world, or my family, or any of it. I lost...I lost my mind for a long time.” Biting his lip, Loren opened his eyes and stared into the other man’s. ”When I came back, he was married to my former best friend. I tried to...make things right and just seemed to keep making it worse. But then he asked me to kiss him. So that it would prove…I don’t know. That I would never do anything to harm him, or Ronin.”
The Launceleyn’s voice lost almost all inflection. ”But that hurt me, badly. That he would ask me to do something like that, after everything. After he insisted that we try to be friends. After I told him I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize him marriage...” Voice trailing off, he glanced at Abasi, wondering what the other man thought of all this.
Then the summoner sighed and shook his head. ”As for Phoebe, she’s Remi’s best friend. I found out they were talking about what happened between me and him and I just kind of lost it. I treated her terribly, because I was so hurt that he’d...tell someone.” His breath caught in his throat. ”And because I...I felt so alone.” Smiling at the other man, the Launceleyn did his best to come back from the dark path his mind was wandering down. It was easy enough given that he was with Abasi. ”I found out later that she thought I’d been flirting with her, and was receptive to my advances. Unfortunately, I was just trying to be kind. Still, I imagine it complicated everything.”
Giving the other man’s fingers a gentle squeeze, the summoner blushed at Abasi’s words. ”Well, thank you. I will try to work on it.” Rather than responding to the other man’s next statement, the Launceleyn shifted so he could give Abasi a tender kiss. When it was done, Loren pulled back and grinned, the earlier unease fully dispelled. ”I’m glad that you’re finding happiness in your life. And that you’re willing to have a courtship with me.”
Then, however, the unease returned in full force. ”But...there’s something else you should know.” Releasing Abasi, the Launceleyn looked away again. ”During LongNight, after the Rathskellar burned down, I got really drunk with the people who’d been there with me when the monsters came. And then we…” His voice trailed off again and he squeezed his eyes shut. ”We slept together.” It came out in the barest of whispers.
and it's bringing me out the dark
LOREN
