There was a small amount of relief that came with Loren not actually touching him, though it was drowned by the knee jerk panic that came from seeing the blue surge towards him. Too late, Peter pulled his fingers back, afraid of... something, pain, or punishment, or whatever his instincts told him this would be, but it had already flowed into his fingers, and he felt the prickly heat in his shoulders face away, as if it had never been there. He was silent for a moment, staring at his fingers, then rolling his shoulders, as if he was trying to will the pain back, and then, finally, he looked up at Loren, his expression sheepish. ”Thank you.” The words were soft, and Peter was clearly embarrassed at having reacted so strongly to the unknown. At least it wasn’t unknown to just him, not judging by Loren’s reaction.
Loren laughed at his words, and it made something in Peters chest ease up, and brought a laugh to his own lips. It was a new feeling, to be able to joke with someone, but it was good. Closer to what he’d thought a family was going to be. But not as close as Loren’s next words, the simple statement made without hesitation. You're Family. If he wasn’t already so set on not embarrassing himself further, Peter might have welled up, might have actually cried. He wondered if the summoner knew how much his words meant, how much loyalty he had just earned.
Peter didn’t really get much time to dwell on it though, the other man sighing, drawing watery blue eyes towards him. It shouldn’t have surprised him so much to hear Loren say Rexannas name, but it did, a little, and all Peter did was nod. ”She told you.” It was a statement, not a question. ”I-I know it wasn’t.... it wasn’t you. And...” Well, he couldn’t say he knew the other Launceleyn would never do anything like it, but he wanted to trust Loren. Wanted to think the best of him. ”It’s... better now. You um... you helped. Are helping?” A nervous laugh huffed out of Peter, and he nodded, not really sure how else to cap off his words.
Loren’s over the top farmers accent cut away some of the seriousness, turned the laugh and smile that had been hesitant and nervous into something genuine, and bright. Something that didn’t last very long as the clouds of Peters past crept back in, and turned everything grey.
”I-I... I haven’t um, said anything to... to anyone else.” It did make him uncomfortable, but it would make him uncomfortable no matter when it it happened, no matter who he spoke to. Peter had already started, and he might as well let words fall from his mouth until the flow stopped, while he could. He looked up at Loren, staring at his face, staring past his face. ”I know. They’re not... not here, not alive, but... but I am. And it... it should feel like... winning? Or... something... something good.” One of his hands came up to rub at his chin, just so he had something to do with it. ”I think I... I think something broke.” The rubbing turned to picking, short nails digging into the edge of a scar. ”I want...” Peter shook his head, and looked down at the ground. ”I don’t know.”
He hadn’t actually said anything, had he? But still, here he was, a mess of anxious tics and shaky words, and the worst part was he didn’t know why. Would never be able to explain it. He was safe and he was comfortable, he was surrounded by people he knew and loved. He was planting seeds. Why did it still feel like any moment it would be ripped away?
PETER
I always thought I might be bad
Now I'm sure that it's true
'cause I think you're so good
And I'm nothing like you
Now I'm sure that it's true
'cause I think you're so good
And I'm nothing like you
