dancing after death

now take what i offer, straight up the nose, down the throat

it's a bearable bruise on your conscious

The games were nearly always the same when it came to him, but situations and whom it was with were the main deciding factors. He had taunted and squirreled his way in multiple times, only to offer no respite for the majority. She had been the weakness before, and he can’t help the curl of his smirk while she tilts her head to him and he focuses on her a bit harder.

“Yes. Make it up to me.” He says back, a flair of arrogance and pride beneath the words, much like before. But she’s learned to challenge back, and he hums a small amount of laughter, leaning forward just enough that he’s almost touching her, arms braced for support to keep some amount of distance. “I seem to recall we had a conversation once before about how you tempt fate.” He offers, taunting again. It’d be so easy, yet again, to spend a night with her. But the results after gave him caution, and so he doesn’t react, nothing more than the typical stretch of boundaries he usually did. Waiting until it becomes too much.

but don't it feel good? don't you feel calmer?

i am the way and the life in the best looking truth

phoebe Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and annoint you She both loved and despised how her heart raced as she stared up at him, knowing her cheeks were flushing from the smirk on his lips and glint in his eyes. How was it that they kept being pulled back together? How was it that they always seemed to end up here? Why did they both insist on denying there was more keeping them apart than there was keeping them together?” If only, if only – the constant grating refrain they could not seem to shake. ”Guess I better stock up on lemons for lemon bars then.” Phoebe said teasingly. As if lemon bars were going to make up for calling him the Puddle. ”Well, clearly some things don’t change.” she said with a small smirk as he called her once again on tempting fate. And really, that was the problem – that which kept pulling her and him together hadn’t changed. They were connected permanently, inextricable from the circumstances of what if, if only, repeated infinitely. But now…was there really anything in the way to keep the ponderings from becoming reality?

now take what i offer, straight up the nose, down the throat

it's a bearable bruise on your conscious

He hums a breathy laugh to her at her comment, head tilting slightly as he looks down to her. ”It took me weeks to get the muscle back from the last time I ate all those lemon bars.” He admits, though it was true. The man that hovers above the midwife was built a lot better than before, muscled and stronger than he had been previously.

But some things did and didn’t change, he agreed with her, he pulling back from her to settle along his side, head propped up by the pillows and an accomplished smirk crossing his face. He considers it a win, the concession, a Cheshire grin crossing his face as he settles and looks to her blushing cheeks with eyes that gleam with exhaustion. “Apparently not.” He agrees softly.

but don't it feel good? don't you feel calmer?

i am the way and the life in the best looking truth

phoebe Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and annoint you Phoebe laughed a little and looked down at his torso. He had toned up quite a bit in the time they’d been apart. ”So, lemon bars and some weights. I can make that happen.” she said cheekily. But her demeanor changed in an instant as Jata turned and laid on his side. Some things did stay the same…but clearly others changed drastically, and try as she might she couldn’t help but be a bit hurt by it. Her honeyed eyes looked away, a hint of a frown playing on her lips. It wasn’t a let down as much as it was confirmation. So this is what it was like to be star-crossed. But this is what old Phoebe would do. She would sit and ruminate and tear herself apart. She would regret and hurt and pine for what? Nothing. Nothing at all. If you want it, then have it. Frey’s voice echoed in her mind. It didn’t mean she would get it in the end, but she needed to pursue it at least. She needed to try. ”Jata…” she said softly. ”I…I know you need time. I know you’re hurting and I respect that but…but I can’t help but wonder.” she said, voice hardly more than a whisper as she turned to look at him again, brows knitted together in concern. He struggled with being vulnerable, where vulnerability came more naturally to her than breathing. ”Are we…impossible? Do you not…am I not…” she struggled for the words, not really wanting to say them. But Lusea had been what ended them. Not because they didn’t care for each other. Not because of a big fight or major differences. And now that she was no more… ”Do we really have no future together? Because I…I would try…if you would…when you’re ready…”

now take what i offer, straight up the nose, down the throat

it's a bearable bruise on your conscious

He settles along his side, hand beneath the pillow that supports his head, and he can see the shift in her demeanor, the shift in the way she looks to him as soon as he’d moved away. But he doesn’t expect the questions, doesn’t expect the way she stumbles over trying to ask for them, as about them, and his tired steel gaze watches her face as she says what she probably has wanted to say for awhile.

She tells him that she’d try, for a relationship again with him when he was ready, and he frowns slightly, leaning back to lay along his spine to look at the ceiling again. Is that why she had come? Because Lusea was missing, now dead, to see if they had a chance together? It’s a loaded question and one he’s not wholly prepared to answer the way she wants to. Things were different now. She had boys to look after, he wanted nothing even close to a fatherly role. She had a life set up here, what would happen when he found the ocean? When he put himself in danger again and again in order to get there?

He sighs heavily, a hand reaching up to run through his hair before he looks to her, a shadowed look along his face. “We are not the same as we were before. Is that why you’ve come?” He asks quietly, unsure what the reasons were now. “I will need a lot of time Phoebe, and I’m not going to be that type of person you need.” A subtle way of saying that he doesn’t think it’ll work, not the way their history went.

but don't it feel good? don't you feel calmer?

i am the way and the life in the best looking truth

phoebe Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and annoint you Without hesitation she shook her head had his question. ”No I didn’t. I came to help you, truly.” she said softly, sighing a bit. ”But…things happen.” she said with a shrug. If things had gone differently, she probably wouldn’t have asked. It hadn’t been part of the plan, more spur of the moment. That this was the timing…call it bad luck. But it was hard to deny how she felt when she had been staring up at him, trapped beneath him, and memories rushed back like the flood he actually was. Perhaps that was why he was called that. His words cut like knives, straight to her core, and she let her eyes fall closed, holding back tears. She should have expected it. She should have known. But it didn’t stop it from hurting. ”I figured.” she said softly, a slight sigh escaping her lips. The only real hurdle was gone, and still she wasn’t enough. ”I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. I…I know I’m not…” she shook her head, unable to say more. Unwilling to say more.

now take what i offer, straight up the nose, down the throat

it's a bearable bruise on your conscious

Things did happen. Absolutely. But he wasn’t stable, wasn’t solid, not like she thought he could be. And even though Lusea was gone, it had still reminded him, still shown and reminded him that he wasn’t made for a sedentary lifestyle. As much as it hurt Phoebe to realize. And he watches her, uncertain, as tears spring to her eyes and he sighs quietly, always returning it to being about her when all he wanted was for her to have someone that could provide everything he couldn’t. He would ruin her in the end.

“We’ve talked about this before Phoebe.” He rumbles as softly, as gently as he can. “You need someone to provide the stability you need in your life, especially with the boys. And the things I’m doing, the plans I have… That won’t work. I can’t be that for you.” That didn’t mean he didn’t care, because he did and he does, but he wasn’t the fit for her. He couldn’t be. The puzzle pieces didn’t fit just right.

but don't it feel good? don't you feel calmer?

i am the way and the life in the best looking truth

phoebe Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and annoint you Phoebe sighed and shook her head. He didn't understand. He only thought of how he changed, what his life was like in comparison to what he remembered of her. When she stopped, she was facing him, brown eyes still a little glassy but not nearly as emotional as she used to be when faced with such things. "I don't need a man to give me stability. I've my own strength. I have accomplished more on my own than many could with others. What I want is companionship. Someone to love and be loved back. That's all." she said softly, looking back up at the ceiling. "I'm just...lonely. But I suppose I will have to get used to it." she added, quieter still. "I suppose I should go then, huh?" she added after a moment.

now take what i offer, straight up the nose, down the throat

it's a bearable bruise on your conscious

He turns his head enough to look at her as she faces him, steel eyes scanning her glassy brown ones in the darkness. And when she speaks, he snorts softly with a shake of his own head. “I never said a man.” He shrugs. He hadn’t. She had just needed someone to lean on. And he couldn’t be that if he wasn’t here, if he didn’t have other things that acquired his attention.

She says she’s lonely, and he understands that too. At least she had Pim and the boys, it was something at least. Someone to talk to, someone to care for. All he had was Haai and the occasion that Melita stopped by. Unless of course he sought them out. “You’re not the only lonely one.” He rumbles with a small sigh. But she mentions she should leave and he looks away from her to stare at the ceiling. “When do you need to be back?” He asks softly, willing to let her stay if she still wanted to, for a small amount less loneliness until he inevitably falls asleep.

but don't it feel good? don't you feel calmer?

i am the way and the life in the best looking truth

phoebe Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and annoint you Phoebe rolled her eyes and shoved him playfully. "Now you're being pedantic." she said with a huff, though the smile playing on her lips indicated she wasn't really upset. Sure, he hadn't said a man, but they were talking about romantic partners, and if one thing had never wavered for the midwife it was her preference in that department. Honeyed eyes glanced at him, a slight look of confusion passing over her features. "I made sure I had a few hours. I wasn't sure what sort of state you would be in." she said with a slight shrug.

now take what i offer, straight up the nose, down the throat

it's a bearable bruise on your conscious

She seems to bounce back relatively easily from that, though the shadows in his slate eyes seem unconvinced. Still, he lets her place whatever mask she chooses, hiding from him in ways she’d learned how, but he could see the pieces of it just like she could see his. “I suppose.” He offers, the ghost of a smile breaking through his own mask at the comment.

But he can also see the confusion that crosses her face when he asks her when she needs to be back, and her response incites a small snort from him. “Could’ve been worse.” He says, sighing, leaning back into the pillows to look back at the ceiling briefly. “You could stay for a bit longer if you want to.” A brief pause before he looks to her. “I could hold you for a bit. Be a little less lonely.” His shoulders rise and fall in a small shrug. He’s not asking for anything else, just company, someone to hold, no promises to keep.

but don't it feel good? don't you feel calmer?

i am the way and the life in the best looking truth

phoebe Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and annoint you Phoebe considered him quietly, trying to decide what she ought to do. On the one hand, she really should keep herself to some boundaries, since she was clearly bad at them to begin with. On the other hand…a little bit of innocent closeness wouldn’t hurt anything. On the contrary, it would probably help both of them. Closeness with another person was one of the best remedies to a hurting heart, loneliness, stress, lots of things really. How much could it really hurt with that long list of benefits? ”Alright.” she said softly after a moment. Quietly she curled back up next to him, snugging herself close to his side.

now take what i offer, straight up the nose, down the throat

it's a bearable bruise on your conscious

She considers him, and he wouldn’t blame her if she decided not to. But it wasn’t him that had overstepped any boundaries, wasn’t him that brought up any of the hard conversation they’d just had briefly. The least he could do was help her feel a little less lonely, keeping those boundaries in place. And when she gives in, he raises his arm to tuck her in close beside him as she curls up against him. His body warm, pulse solid and calm, pulling the blankets up ever so slightly as he leans his head against hers gently.

“So tell me about how the boys have been adjusting.” He suggests, a conversation that didn’t have the effect on him that some of the others might. A conversation to keep him awake, because at this rate he’s exhausted, and with her next to him he’s not sure how long he’ll last if they don’t talk about anything.

but don't it feel good? don't you feel calmer?

i am the way and the life in the best looking truth

phoebe Sleep and I shall soothe you, calm you, and annoint you Her head found its usual place against his shoulder again, and her eyes fluttered closed. It had been a long time since she had felt so comfortable. She never slept or rested as well alone as she did when someone was laying next to her, cuddling up close. So for a moment, she was glad for the silence, happy to just enjoy the moment of comfort. But it didn’t last long. Jata asked after the boys and she sighed a bit. ”Alright I suppose. Each day gets a little bit easier. But they still have outbursts every now and then as can be expected.” she said softly. They had lost their mother after all. They had already lost their father. Understanding death wasn’t exactly an easy thing for children to understand.