Filthy Mess

Ugh, even in the Oasis, the one pretty part of the Grounds, memory mud was encroaching on everything. Zariah hated it with a passion, and that was probably why it was found in such vast quantities here. It was perfectly at home amongst the other filth that called the Hollowed Grounds home. Disgusting. Halo might’ve been a frozen desert but at least it was clean. Beyond irritated with the squirming mud, she set to work to clear it away from the only place in the Hollowed Grounds she briefly on the rare occasion missed. Zaps of lightning herded globs of memory mud out and away from the Oasis, sending it squirming for its stupid little existence to the fields. Where mud belonged of course. zariah If my strength intimidates you, I hope you realize that is a weakness of yours.

LOREN

Loren had been at the shrine giving one of his regular offerings to Frey when he heard the crackle of electricity. Astra immediately pressed herself to his side as he peered in the direction of the sound. Then he saw the mud fleeing through the Glade, and followed it back to its source. Somehow, he wasn't surprised to see Zariah there, and he sighed.

Holding up his hands in a placating gesture, the summoner regarded his cousin. "I don't want to fight." Reaching out to the waters of the Oasis, he called upon a large globe of it, holding it effortlessly in the air. Following her, he sighed again as he saw her corralling it to the fields. Whips of water snapped out from the globe, slapping the ground in front of the mud. It immediately redirected its course, and he herded it out to the Outskirts instead.

But don’t be weary if it’s broken

Families are like that—

they’re split up and always torn.

Hazel eyes were quick to glace over when she heard the sound of someone approaching. Expressionless as she was, the corners of her lips turned down ever so slightly to see who it was. Loren. Of course. Certainly she wouldn’t fault his curiosity – how often did one hear lightning strikes like this after all? But upon seeing that it was her, why he did not turn around and walk away was a surprise to her. ”Then what is it you want?” she asked pointedly as he proclaimed he did not wish to fight her. Her trust in him had broken, his abandonment of their family wounding her deeply, and it presented itself as resentment and rage. She watched silently as he redirected the mud with a whip of water towards the Outskirts. Not that she terribly cared where the mud went, so long as it wasn’t here. zariah If my strength intimidates you, I hope you realize that is a weakness of yours.

LOREN

Still holding the water in an orb, though it moved above his head, Loren regarded Zariah with an inscrutable expression. Then he sighed, and glanced back towards the Hollowed Grounds. It was just a quick aside, and his eyes quickly settled on her again. "Honestly?" His voice came out pretty normally, no posturing, no boastful confidence, just plain old normal.

Reaching out to give Astra a comforting pat, the summoner smiled faintly. "Peace. Happiness. Love without pain. All of which I have, now." He tilted his head at his cousin. "I assume you meant what do I want with you and the family, though?"

The smile, faint as it was, faded away. "Not to fight with you, as I said. But also to tell you that we don't have to follow the old ways. That there are other paths. That this new world grants us the opportunity to be different than we were before, no matter what we've done." Studying her features, he waited for the sharp words. "And to tell you that, regardless of what you decide, I have no intention of going back to that life." He paused to let that sink in, voice gentle and calming.

"However, I hope that we can still be a family." His voice still came out as soothingly as he could manage.

But don’t be weary if it’s broken

Families are like that—

they’re split up and always torn.

Peace? Happiness? Love without pain? Pathetic. ”Peace is temporary. Happiness is fleeting. Love is pain, if it is real.” she said dryly, continuing to send small sparks of lightning at the memory mud to send it off towards the Outskirts. That he thought anything otherwise was delusional. There would always be war and strife. Sadness and anger were what made happiness exist in the first place. And love? No love was a fairytale. It was hard earned and easily lost. But as he went on about their family, her lips pursed into a frown, the bolts of lightning she shot from her fingers growing in intensity. ”Different. We can be different. Why? Because you think we were bad? Evil? Deranged?” she said, pinning him with a hardened look as she spoke the sorts of things she was all too used to hearing. ”All you ever do is criticize who we are and how we are and yet seem perpetually confused as to why that might make me angry.” she said in a low tone. Insults flew from his lips with such ease they must have been greased. A cold, short laugh escaped her lips as she slowly shook her head. ”You think you are the only one who is not going back to how things were? Because you’ve gone soft? No. I am not going back either, by doing everything in my power to make sure my family is never enslaved again.” she said darkly. But at his last statement, her eyes narrowed as she looked over at him. ”Do not lie to me. You have never wanted to be part of this family and ran the second you could. Because clearly you are the only one who has suffered.” she hissed. zariah If my strength intimidates you, I hope you realize that is a weakness of yours.

LOREN

Loren shook his head firmly at Zariah’s words. ”No. They’re not. Unless you believe them to be.” Then he sighed, and gave her a sympathetic look. ”But I understand why you think that.” His voice came out quietly.

As she grew angry, he remained calm, radiating what peace he could, even though he knew she couldn’t feel it. ”No. I think we were victims of a terrible circumstance.” Clasping his hands behind his back, he tilted his head. ”Alright. Why does that make you angry?” His tone remained level. As some mud attempted to escape her much more forceful lightning, he snapped more water at it, herding it back.

Then, however, he spread his hands helplessly. ”Who is trying to enslave us?” He was genuinely confused by that claim. Returning one hand to Astra, Loren tried to stay steady as well as comfort the luxere.

However, a hurt expression crossed his face at his accusation, though he quickly schooled his features into a neutral mask. ”That’s not true. We’ve all suffered, I know that.” His tone was filled with sorrow and regret, though his features and his eyes didn’t betray his feelings.

But don’t be weary if it’s broken

Families are like that—

they’re split up and always torn.

”Ah yes, there it is. Once again, I am wrong, and you are right.” she said dryly, even as he conceded he could see where she was coming from. He had never agreed with her. No once, ever. He had always pushed and pushed to make them something they weren’t, to be something other. Even now he contradicted her. Why? Because he could. Because he was Loren, and only he could perceive the ills of their familial ways. ”Perhaps you are a victim. But I am not. My suffering has made me stronger, so I might not ever suffer again, and keep my family from that same fate.” The weak suffered, the strong survived and conquered. These were principles that were indisputable. She accepted what they were, what they had been bred to do, and instead of fighting it, she leaned into it. Let them test her, and she would quash all who tried to bring ill and suffering to her family. Her eyes narrowed further as he questioned her. ”You really are quite stupid for how enlightened you pretend to be.” she said dryly. ”I trusted you. You were my Left Hand. When you suffered for weakness, I made every effort to help you grow strong. I changed and worked differently with you. You were family when we had been torn apart. And you so despised us all, in spite of my efforts, that you abandoned us.” she said, nose wrinkling, lips pursing. ”I thought you died.” she said in a quiet hiss – and though her face was mostly blank and words sharp, the barest hint of sadness shone in her eyes. Fault Zariah as much as you’d like, but she loved her family. All of them. Even Loren, as aggravating as he could be. Of course, he followed it up with a terribly pedantic question and she rolled her eyes, sighing with exasperation. ”No one, at the moment. But that doesn’t mean the threat won’t come.” she said dryly. That said, Neron had gotten himself tangled up in some sort of binding agreement with something (someone?), which she also sought to dispel. ”Really? Well that’s news to me, as you go on and on, complaining about your unfair treatment, as though you are some great exception.” she snapped at him, eyes glaring daggers into his soul. She had spent months of one on one training with the most despicable of their creed, one whose standards were so high they could not be met, each one goading into one punishment after another. Edrei and Neron had also enduring childhoods of grueling training for the sake of strength. And while his treatment make have varied, given his struggles with magic early on, at the end of the day abuse was abuse, and they had all suffered it. zariah If my strength intimidates you, I hope you realize that is a weakness of yours.

LOREN

Loren simply sighed, then shrugged at Zariah’s response to his initial comment. Instead, he moved on. ”Strong people can still be victims.” It came out quietly, barely above a whisper. Then he shook his head. ”You say you want to prevent suffering from befalling the family. But aren’t you hurting them yourself, in the name of making them stronger? How is that keeping them from suffering?” Again, his confusion was genuine.

This time, he let her finish. He flinched at her final words, and at the glimmers of sadness he saw in her. An apologetic expression crossed his face. ”I am sorry. For betraying your trust, and abandoning you all. For letting you think that.” His tone really was contrite, even though, or perhaps because, his voice was soft.

”But the training worked. Zariah. I got stronger. Without pain.” Then he bit his lip. ”I never despised you. Any of you. I loved you, too. I just wanted us all to get better, in my own way.” Now it was his turn for sorrow to grace his eyes.

When she rolled her eyes, though, his expression grew firm again. ”So there’s no threat that you know of? You’re just assuming the worst?” His tone held an idle curiosity, though his eyes were sharp.

As she snapped at him, though, his expression softened. ”I know I wasn’t an exception. But tell me, Zariah, how did it feel? How did it feel to be put through such treatment at the hands of your family? The ones who said they loved you?” His voice had gained a bit of an edge, though he still remained calm enough.

But don’t be weary if it’s broken

Families are like that—

they’re split up and always torn.

Zariah sighed in exasperation, shaking her head. ”You have never understood, nor do I think you ever will. And if you did, I doubt you’d admit it.” she said dryly, an undertone of her exhaustion showing through. Loren was exhausting. He poked and prodded at every nerve then was surprised and taunting when she or anyone else snapped. Infinite patience he required but never did he give it himself. ”Sorry, you say? How convenient apologies are. They absolve one of guilt but the wound remains.” she said, almost contemplatively, glaring at the mud she chased away with bolts of electrified magic. She looked over at him at length with narrowed eyes. ”If you did so without pain, then why did you run away? Why did you constantly rely on how you were treated as a child as an excuse to cry injustice? You speak of me and my methods as though I am as cruel as Colbrande, yet I know you cannot look me in the eye with a straight face and say that I am. So obsessed with what suffering you have felt that you are blinded to the fact that I have changed.” she said through clenched teeth. Zariah was cruel at times. She was strict, exacting, merciless – but she was no Colbrande when it came to her own. By his standards she was soft. ”I am the head of the Launceleyns. I am to be ever vigilant for threats. Just because a threat to her clutchlings is unlikely, doesn’t mean a mother dragon forgets passed attacks or drops her guard for those that might come.” Again he circled back to the family methods, so obsessed with the means he could not see the ends. ”It was painful. The most painful thing I have ever endured.” she said, looking at him almost sternly. ”But it was on the field of battle that I learned the most important lesson it taught me – the meaning in the suffering we have been made to endure. There is no pain I can feel that is so blinding as that. There is no suffering that can shake me so deeply. The lesson you have failed to learn over and over because of your obsession with the minutiae, Loren, is that our family’s methods make us unbreakable.” she said, lips pursing, speaking calmly but pointedly. zariah If my strength intimidates you, I hope you realize that is a weakness of yours.

LOREN

Loren actually let out a huff of laughter at Zariah’s long-suffering tone. ”Or maybe I’m a little bit right, and you just don’t want to admit it.” Weirdly, his voice was almost cheerful. However, he shrugged. ”What am I not understanding, though?” He tilted his head and gave her a steady look.

Sighing, he ran his free hand through his hair, the other still tangled in Astra’s fur. ”I know. And I would heal that wound if I could, though I imagine we might disagree about what constitutes healing.” His tone was certain on that front.

At his cousin’s accusations, he crossed his arms again. ”I didn’t run away due to pain, I ran away because I was sick. I brought it  up because the treatment at the hands of my family lasted well into my adulthood, so it was a recent trauma for me. Until you found another way to train me. But you’re right, I cannot say you were as bad as Colbrande, and you’re right, you have changed.” He nodded his head in acknowledgement

Smiling, though it failed to reach his eyes, he took a step towards her. ”But just because you’re not as bad doesn’t mean you can’t be better. We can all be better. I certainly can be." He felt no shame in admitting that. "So yes, you have changed, and I believe you can continue changing for the better. Just as you’ve pushed me to be better in your own way.” His words were gentle and soothing, despite how confrontational she might find the contents of them.

However, his expression grew troubled. ”And what if the threat to the hatchlings comes from the mother dragon?” Lowering his arms to his side, and resting a palm on the still nervous luxere, his brow furrowed. ”And what of the love the mother should show her hatchlings?” He tensed, fully expecting Zariah to dislike that extension of her metaphor.

At her response, he smiled again, though this time was even sadder than the first. ”No one is unbreakable.” It came out in the barest of whispers. Sighing once more, he tilted his head. ”We’re not at war any more. Not under the oath. Not under any threat.” He paused, eyes searching her face. ”So why is it still so important for you to be unbreakable?”

But don’t be weary if it’s broken

Families are like that—

they’re split up and always torn.

Zariah sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose for a moment, eyes fluttering closed as she tried to reign her temper in. ”That you are in your twenty-second year, and you cannot yet wrap your mind around the methods of our family that have been refined over generations, what makes you think that I can bring clarity to it for you?” she said with an exasperated sigh, looking back up at him with a glare. ”Over centuries, we were bred to fight at the behest of the king, as you well know. We were his mightiest of warriors, implements of death and destruction, sent into the most violent and dangerous of engagements. How do you prepare your children and siblings and cousins for inevitable torture and suffering at the hands of an enemy who cares not if you die? Who would do anything to weasel out whatever information they can from you?” she waited for a moment, wondering if perhaps it might click into place for him. Why did the Launceleyns torture their own? Why were they seemingly needlessly cruel in the pursuit of strength? ”We were tasked with conditioning ourselves to survive hell and use it to empower us to crush our enemies, making the ultimate of sacrifices for our people every day of our lives. Our family trains the way we do so we would survive, not just physically, but mentally. And it is why we value our loyalty so much, why we bend out of our way to protect our own. No one else would protect us, for we were the ultimate protectors, and no one else in the world understood the sacrifice we made for them.” That she had to put it so plainly to him was like a knife between her ribs, but it did not show on her face. That he thought he needed to point out how messed up it was that they existed this way was insulting. No one, she included, had ever been blind to it, but instead banded together to support their fellow Launceleyn, the family who sacrificed everything for a people and crown who saw them as nothing more than a weapon. As for the rest of his little speech, his excuses and technicalities and twisting of metaphors for his purpose – she had addressed it all in what she said, as far as she was concerned. But when he brought up war, and the lack thereof, she stared at him in shock, near horror. How blind was he really? ”There is no oath, yes, but do not pretend that there is no threat.” she said lowly, a short, unamused laugh bubbling up at the pure absurdity of it. ”There are gods and forces here the likes of Northwind and Northaven never knew, prepping to go to war with each other again as we speak. The people in this world are one passive insult away from rioting at any given moment because the world has changed and they don’t like it. War is inevitable. And we can choose to either be prepared, or watch those we love die for it.” she said, pressing her lips together. ”Think whatever ills you wish of me, Loren, but I will always choose to stand and protect my family, and see them prepare to stand should I fall.” zariah If my strength intimidates you, I hope you realize that is a weakness of yours.

LOREN

In the face of Zariah’s annoyance and words, Loren fell silent. And he stayed quiet for a long while as she finished speaking. When he finally did speak, his voice was quiet. ”Did it work?” His eyes searched her features for something, he honestly couldn’t say what.

As she continued on, however, he sighed, and ran a hand through his hair before dismissing the water with a flick of his wrist. It settled into the fields gently. "Is there an immediate threat?" Tone genuinely curious, he tilted his head to stare at her. "In this upcoming war, whose side are you on? And have you asked your family what they wanted?"

Hands clenching into fists for a brief moment, he forced himself to relax. "I know you want what you think is best for the family. To protect them. I do too." He really, truly meant that. However, his eyes grew haunted. "But surviving isn't living." He bit his lip to prevent himself from saying something else he would regret.

But don’t be weary if it’s broken

Families are like that—

they’re split up and always torn.

”From where I stand? Yes. It did.” she said simply, so fully did she believe in the purpose and reason for their family’s ways. Were there things to be improved upon, changed, tailored? Absolutely. But she would never besmirch the lessons she had been taught, knowing that without them, she would have never existed. ”Does it matter? Immediate or not, a threat is a threat.” she said, frowning slightly. This was a divine threat after all. It wasn’t like one off his rocker drug-addict coming to her door in an attempt to pry her family from her – these were beings of immense power and ability preparing to clash. ”I am on whatever side will keep my family alive and safe. And as Head of the Family, the only one I need ask is my Left Hand, if I so wish.” she said, reminding him once again of their customs. Surviving isn’t living. Zariah had to resist the urge to snort. ”Neither is dying, Loren.” zariah If my strength intimidates you, I hope you realize that is a weakness of yours.

LOREN

Zariah’s certainty caused Loren to sigh. ”And do you think there was no other way to achieve that outcome?” Again, he spoke softly, and his eyes and expression were as neutral as he could make them.

Nodding in response to her question, he stroked Astra’s fur softly. ”Why wouldn’t the time frame of a threat matter?” Tilting his head at her declaration, he smiled faintly, though it failed to reach his eyes. ”And do you know which side that is? Or how to keep our family safe from the gods?” Again, his tone was soft and soothing.

Then, however, he gestured around them with his free hand. ”Who is trying to kill us?” It was a beautiful Flowerbirth day, with the sun shining, birds singing, and mud fleeing.

But don’t be weary if it’s broken

Families are like that—

they’re split up and always torn.