over and over again

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." The silence was all the more jarring because it followed on the cheerful banter. Maea felt it like a leaden weight to her stomach. A slight nausea that weighed her down, as if it was all her fault... and she guessed it was. Placing one foot in front of the other, barely seeing where she was going, she wrestled with herself and with his accusations until it finally became unbearable. "Are you saying I shouldn't be afraid, then? Of any ascended, ever, even though you could break me like a twig just becuase you feel like it?" That was just as unreasonable as the fear itself. Like saying she shouldn't be wary of wolves because they might not kill her, because they might not attack her when hungry. Just because she had met one or two that didn't bite, should she trust them all... or stay on the safe side? "I'm saying I try not to judge, but I've been given more reason to stay away from ascended than to trust them, and... I don't know you. Really I don't. So far you've been kind, and I don't want to lump you in with all the nightmare stories they told us when I was a kid... but how am I to know what's real or not?" When you don't answer my questions. But she didn't say the last part aloud. Maea hated that every word she said sounded like an excuse, hated it even more than she meant it, that she really thought that way. They made her sound so... cowardly. Close minded. And maybe she was, for all that she tried to change.