Maybe, I’m Sure

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." "A test... an offer, and a test. I see." Maea climbed onto the fence and gazed out over the yard as she processed the information. Something painful was working inside her chest. Her eyes swept over the ruins of what had once been a happy life, and similarly her mind stroked the raw places of her soul like a tongue might prod the tender flesh of a pulled tooth. Weeds had started to choke out the path from house to barn and outhouses. The fence they sat on had grown rickety, and swayed whenever she shifted. The damage to the house looked even worse now, under the late Flowerbirth sun, and she knew the orchard would be a similar mess. "From my experience, the gods don't usually offer such things to us. To the Abandoned. They fear giving us too much power, don't easily trust that we won't take it and use it against them. Like the Voice did." Dragging her fingers through the pale white hair, she pushed it from her face and looked aside at Peter. A faint trace of a smile lingered in her eyes, but the lips were pursed in thought as she regarded him. Perhaps she ought to be more upset that Safrin had tried to kill her friend, but... it was the goddess, wasn't it? The lady of life and light. Surely a test must be harsh indeed to persuade her of the suitability of an abandoned. Maea was oddly forgiving there. "I suppose... there are exceptions to every rule now, though. It's a bit of a comfort to know. I've always wanted... always dreamed of coming closer to the gods. Perhaps... it's only difficult, and not impossible." Dangling a foot and brushing the sole of a strangely worn shoe over the tip of the brown grasses of last year, she went on. "I met Adam on my way here. He found me by the Spire, just as I portalled in. He did say he was meeting a 'Pet' later, but I had no idea it was you he meant. I'm happy for you, for both of you. And for you finding a family." If he'd feared some odd reaction to learning about two men being in a relationship, Maea spared him that. It was not uncommon, not something to scoff at or question. She knew there were people who considered it selfish, who claimed that the point of such things were to produce children and a new generation. But now that the wall had come down, such talk was more obsolete than ever. Trying to explain what she'd been through was harder. She told Peter about her extended illness, of the delirium, the hallucinations. How she'd ended up roaming the Greatwoods, somehow, and gotten lost. Been caught in a storm, and walked. Blindly walked, until the wind died down and she found herself on the tundras of Halo. "A man named Amun found me there, and helped me get back here. And that's all I know. I have no explanation for what happened. Perhaps it was something fey..." She trailed off, eyes growing distant. There was something about those memories that nagged her, that made her wonder if it had all been just dreams. One memory in particular stood out more than the others... But perhaps it didn't matter.