He had not meant to lash out at her the way he had, and he winced at the stab of guilt her chastened silence caused him. She'd struck a nerve in her attempt to help, and didn't deserve the simmering frustration that his magic's return - as a curse, a side-effect, instead of the blessing it had been on his world - had set to swirling in his chest for the past season. Deimos had asked if he thought it was a curse, and he had responded then that it wasn't... and that was true. But it was like a regrown limb on a lizard; it might have a similar function, but it wasn't the same as it had been. And he struggled with trying to do the things he had once mastered, now finding them changed or still absent entirely.
He managed a grateful smile, at least, when she agreed to help, glad that they would be doing something together again - as both friends and Loreseekers. At her apology, though, he simply shook his head. "You didn't," he said reassuringly. "Your questions were good ones and well worth asking. As for my magic... well. You are not the only one who is still coming to terms with what it means to have it returned. Or rather... supplanted? It is not something easy to explain; not the initial loss, and not the recent growth of something new where it used to be." He lapsed back into silence to let her continue, letting her speak her mind and listening as she listed the pros and cons, weights and measures of her power.
She looked lost in the moonlight, but he knew she was stronger than she appeared, and he took time to think about what she had said and asked. "I would say that Outlanders have a different view of it than Naturals... but having been to Halo, I'm not so sure," he said thoughtfully. "They don't seem to have the same bias against it there, so perhaps the Old Gods and the spirits outside the barrier are less concerned with it than the heralds are." He smiled sadly at her, only able to offer a shrug at the rest. "I don't think it will 'die away' even if you avoid using it, but as for the rest? It's a peace only you can define, I think, no matter what you choose." He tilted his head back, looking up at the stars above, the sweep of constellations revealed to them since the barrier had fallen, and exhaled slowly.
"On my world, some magic was innate, like what we have here. Other magic was learned, by those who had the patience to focus intensively on it. And still other magic... the magic I was born with... came from the gods. They could bestow it upon their devout priests and clerics who chose their path, or sometimes people were born with channels to divine and infernal powers, even without a specific god gifting it to them. But it was simply... it was normal. Some people were good sword swingers, or bakers, or smiths. Some people were good at magic or music or alchemy. You chose how to wield that power and which path to pursue with it there. Here... it's still strange to me that it's not viewed as just another tool or talent." He shrugged, offering Maea a wry, sad smile. "I know that doesn't help you here and now. But... it's something to think on, perhaps. Not all gods and not all worlds treat magic as the Heralds and Hollowed Grounds do. Beyond the barrier we might find that the rest of Caido is kinder as well."
He managed a grateful smile, at least, when she agreed to help, glad that they would be doing something together again - as both friends and Loreseekers. At her apology, though, he simply shook his head. "You didn't," he said reassuringly. "Your questions were good ones and well worth asking. As for my magic... well. You are not the only one who is still coming to terms with what it means to have it returned. Or rather... supplanted? It is not something easy to explain; not the initial loss, and not the recent growth of something new where it used to be." He lapsed back into silence to let her continue, letting her speak her mind and listening as she listed the pros and cons, weights and measures of her power.
She looked lost in the moonlight, but he knew she was stronger than she appeared, and he took time to think about what she had said and asked. "I would say that Outlanders have a different view of it than Naturals... but having been to Halo, I'm not so sure," he said thoughtfully. "They don't seem to have the same bias against it there, so perhaps the Old Gods and the spirits outside the barrier are less concerned with it than the heralds are." He smiled sadly at her, only able to offer a shrug at the rest. "I don't think it will 'die away' even if you avoid using it, but as for the rest? It's a peace only you can define, I think, no matter what you choose." He tilted his head back, looking up at the stars above, the sweep of constellations revealed to them since the barrier had fallen, and exhaled slowly.
"On my world, some magic was innate, like what we have here. Other magic was learned, by those who had the patience to focus intensively on it. And still other magic... the magic I was born with... came from the gods. They could bestow it upon their devout priests and clerics who chose their path, or sometimes people were born with channels to divine and infernal powers, even without a specific god gifting it to them. But it was simply... it was normal. Some people were good sword swingers, or bakers, or smiths. Some people were good at magic or music or alchemy. You chose how to wield that power and which path to pursue with it there. Here... it's still strange to me that it's not viewed as just another tool or talent." He shrugged, offering Maea a wry, sad smile. "I know that doesn't help you here and now. But... it's something to think on, perhaps. Not all gods and not all worlds treat magic as the Heralds and Hollowed Grounds do. Beyond the barrier we might find that the rest of Caido is kinder as well."
