wedding bell blues

Loren stared at Sunjata, legitimately confused by the comment. ”So? Why would that matter?” Tone entirely befuddled, he tilted his head. However, his tone and his expression softened when the other man agreed to try. It softened further at the diagnosis "I don't think you can say that you're drowning in one breath, and then convince me you're fine in the other." He leaned forward. "Come on. It costs you nothing to let me heal you." Nodding in acknowledgment when the other man agreed to at least get a suit. Sighing, the Launceleyn ran a hand through his hair. "I assume that means you'll need a knife. I can have one waiting for you. Or make one." LOREN Not quite an open book

SUNJATA

“Because,” he begins, “she doesn’t trust me to not go off and fuck anyone that’s not her.” He puts it bluntly, gaze lifting to scan Loren’s face. He doesn’t mention he made it clear his intentions, had she accepted his terms. Surely Loren should know Phoebe to be the jealous type, even if Sunjata could care less if she slept with anyone else. In fact, part of him encourages it.

Part of the soft tone Loren gives him frustrates him further, not wanting the pity or the frustration. “I am fine.” He tries to reiterate. “I get my blood checked once a week, I have a whole array of medicine to take.” He frowns, looking back down to the bar table top.

He lets Loren sigh, as he shifts to sit again, catching his breath. “A knife, or with these.” His hands remain placed on the table, partially shifting to his fingers that turn into black edged claws from his panther form, before his gaze lifts back to Loren. “Whatever you think.” He’s running out it energy fast to keep arguing. “It's basically to cut the palm, take the blood, and draw lines on her with it and mention some phrase in Korofi about how she belongs to me.” He shakes his head, gaze dropping back to the table top. “So whatever else you think to go along with that, go for it.”

i'll never be that me again

Loren just stared at Sunjata. ”Is she right to think that?” There wasn't any judgment in the summoner's voice, simply a question. Snorting, he shook his head. "As I already said, you're not." He tilted his head and gave the bartender another pointed look. "If I told you I was drowning, would you say I was fine?" The Launceleyn's voice was as sharp as his expression. When the other man revealed his tradition, Loren barked out a laugh. However, his eyes filled with something akin to horror soon enough. "Oh shit, you're serious." As his hands clenched into fists, he dropped them into his lap. "How about we don't draw on Phoebe with blood on her wedding day and claim her as your property in a horrifyingly barbaric custom and instead find something that would actually honor your ancestors and her properly." LOREN Not quite an open book

SUNJATA

There wasn’t judgement yet, but depending on how the Flood answers the question, well… There might be some. He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, something akin to a laugh leaving him. “What do you think?” He asks, lifting his head and his hand away to look at Loren. “I cheated on Lusea with her of all people. Of course she’ll think that, regardless.” He almost wants to snap, to spit the words out, but he can’t. Instead, he just focuses on the man at the mention of healing.

“I might say that, depending on how much you piss me off.” He offers, but despite Loren’s sharp tone, Sunjata’s expression softens slightly with a hint of amusement, before he shakes his head and the conversation drifts over again. To the customs, to Korofi weddings in all their bloody glory. He doesn’t expect Loren to laugh, doesn’t expect him to think that he’s just talking out his ass.

He wonders how much of his past he’d actually told the Launceleyn.

“That is the honor.” He explains, gaze lifting from the table to stare pointedly at Loren. “My people are backwards traditionalists, thirsty for any and every kind of bloodbath. Even their own children, Loren. That’s why I rebelled, why I fought back, why I swore off marriage and children. Don’t tell me that you think despite saying those words and doing the custom that I would actually do it, do you?” He wants to laugh at the thought. “One of the last times I saw my mother, she made me promise her that if I married, that I did the stupid ritual and do the exact opposite.” A muscle feathers in her jaw. “Besides, they’re just fucking words. It’s in Korofi, who’ll know what I’m saying aside from you?” He’s not going to let Loren take this away from him.

Phoebe needs to learn what she’s getting into, a man with a history of blood and smoke and flames and floods.

i'll never be that me again

As Sunjata got all pissy, Loren’s brow furrowed and his nostrils flared. ”I think you didn’t answer my question.” His voice was low, and his tone indicated how unimpressed he was. The bartender's response caused the summoner's hands to clench into fists before he took a deep breath and forcibly released them. "I'm not going to apologize for pissing you off. But assuming I didn't piss you off, would you say I was fine if I was drowning?" Eyes searching the other man's features, the Launceleyn placed his hands in his lap. That didn't stop his foot from tapping nervously. However, he let Sunjata say his piece. "Would you let Phoebe mark you in return?" Loren's voice was shockingly even. LOREN Not quite an open book

SUNJATA

Well, he could either lie and say he wouldn’t – or be honest and say that it’s likely. The thing Phoebe and him had before effectively died the second she tied the noose around his neck, the ability to find comfort with her, with laying with her, it was a thought that he couldn’t muster. He sighs and rubs at his face, fingers lingering at his temple. “I told her I’d be faithful.” He says, because he had. “But she won’t trust my word.” He shrugs.

At the comment, at the visible prickling that Loren gives into, Sunjata’s gaze lingers on Loren, realizing he’s not going to win and he’s too exhausted to keep up the fight, keep up the charade. “No.” He rumbles, “I wouldn’t.” An honest answer before he shakes his head and sets his fingers along the table top again.

When Loren asks him if he’d let Phoebe mark him, he contemplates it – sighing heavily before shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t care whether she does it or not.” He’s going against it by doing the opposite, but Phoebe? She wouldn’t know the terms, the words, perhaps she’d take it to heart and make him. He exhales deeply before coughing lightly. “Do you want a direct translation of the words?” He asks after a moment, voice shallow and defeated.

i'll never be that me again

Loren scoffed, his expression darkening. "Since you seem to be having trouble with the question, I'll repeat it. Are you planning to fuck your second in command?" His eyes bored into Sunjata. Once again, the summoner's expression and tone gentled. "So again. Please let me heal you." Despite his best efforts, there was almost a desperation in the offer. However, he waited patiently for the bartender to consider his inquiry about whether Phoebe could claim the other man just as Sunjata was planning to claim her. "Yes, I do. But mostly I want this marriage, fucked up as I still think it is, to be equitable. For both of you." Beyond the harshness of the Launceleyn's words and voice, there was a deep-seated concern in his mind, one that bled through Loren's bond to Sunjata. LOREN Not quite an open book

SUNJATA

Loren’s scoffing does little to move Sunjata as he evades the question in a roundabout way once more, and when the summoner puts it point blank, Sunjata’s own gaze narrows on him. “Am I planning to? No. Have I already? Yes.” He snaps, heaving slightly. Part of him wishes he’d have picked her over Phoebe, picked anyone but what he’s shackled with. “I will be faithful. But Phoebe knows that I’ve done it in the past because I did it with her. The only time I did it.” He lets his gaze scan Loren’s.

At the soft, almost desperation in the offer, Sunjata shakes his head. “No.” He doesn’t want it. He doesn’t want some miracle fix, he wants to work for it to get better. Had he wanted to be healed earlier, he could’ve gone to Loren first and asked, pleaded for it, but no. He’s fine on his own, getting better slowly. And if Phoebe wanted to play healer and wife, to dote on her husband, then so be it.

And when Sunjata considers the option that Loren sets before him, resulting in the flood giving in, he sighs and shakes his head. “The only one getting anything they want out of this is her. It’s not equitable in the slightest.” A muscle feathers in his jaw before he reaches below the bar for a piece of parchment and a quill. But he’ll do it, he doesn’t care anymore. He’s over it all.

He says the words as he writes them, giving Loren the direct translation. “Deur my bloed is jy myne van vandag af.” He pauses, gaze remaining on the paper. “By my blood, you are mine from this day forth.” His gaze lifts to Loren as he slides the paper over to him. “Happy?”

i'll never be that me again

Loren sighed, and drummed his fingers on the bar. ”You were both blighted, and not in your right minds. You need to forgive yourself for that. Just show her it won’t happen again, and she’ll come along.” Although his expression and voice were surprisingly gentle, there was also a hint of a warning in there. When Sunjata refused healing, Loren threw up his hands again. ”Fine. Be stubborn and suffer for no reason beyond your pride, which is apparently the only thing you think you have.” It was evident just how dumb the summoner though the bartender was. The Launceleyn stared at the other man incredulously. ”Oh fuck off. Are you kidding me? You think you won’t get anything out of this?” Leaning forward, Loren’s eyes flashed. ”You are going to get a loving, supportive, generous wife, one that you probably don’t deserve, if we’re being honest. You should be mindful of that, while you insist on pitying yourself and suffering for absolutely no reason.” His tone was low. Snagging the parchment, the summoner tucked it away in a pocket. However, Sunjata’s question caused him to snort. ”No. But I think happiness is beyond all of us these days.” Hesitating, he looked away. ”I know I...look. I was a bit aggressive in coming here. But…” His voice trailed off as he bit his lip. ”I really did just want what was best for both you and Phoebe. And I don’t think this is it.” He shrugged more than a bit helplessly. LOREN Not quite an open book

SUNJATA

Forgive himself for it? For being blighted and drunk and succumbing to it all because she was there? He shakes his head and sighs, pushing past that topic simply because it’s too much energy of his to keep going. He’s not sure she’ll ever come around.

As he doesn’t let Loren heal him, he both listens and watches the summoner grow frustrated with the result. But sometimes, sometimes there were times where he wanted to remember what it might have been like to live in a world where you had to deal with the consequences. But he’s too tired to continue on with that end of the conversation too, and instead focuses on the grain of the bar table while Loren begins to go off again.

He’s quiet for a moment before his gaze lifts back to Loren’s face. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve the girl that told me she wished Lusea was dead. The girl I have been there for time and time again over the last year, and yet she considers it nothing — considers that I’m doing nothing for her because I won’t give her a marriage or a child.” His lip curls slightly. “When I made it clear to her at the beginning of it that I didn’t want any of those. So yeah, I’ll be as miserable as I want to be because she’s backed me into a corner as she always does, and I’m tired of it.” He snaps. “But by all means, since you think so highly of her, maybe you should be the one marrying her.”

As he slides the paper with the words over to Loren, he sits back on the chair and rubs at the bridge of his nose and then his temple. “That makes two of us.” He agrees, believing it to be a terrible idea. But she’d have told him it was an excuse, that they could learn to love one another again. Except he doesn’t think it’s possible.

i'll never be that me again

Loren let out a disgusted sound at Sunjata's latest bout of self-pity. Standing up, the summoner placed his palms flat on the wood of the bar, and his eyes flashed with a dark light. "Spare me the sob story. No one thinks you're a martyr for doing this." His voice was low and dangerous. "Have you ever once considered this from her perspective? Or are you too much of a stubborn asshole to do that." Taking a deep breath, he sat down again. "As for me, I know that we'd be bad together. Unlike you, though, I actually care, so I will not subject her to that unhappiness." There might've been more than a hint of derision in that last sentence. LOREN Not quite an open book

SUNJATA

A martyr? He scoffs, a rasping sound as he shakes his horned head, a hum of crackling laughter leaving him for that. “I am no martyr, nor am I trying to be. I’m trying to tell you how manipulative she can be.” He snaps, gaze finding his again. “Do indulge me on her perspective though. I’m sure she’s pretending to be some sort of victim when she has it in her power to stop this too.” He can’t understand how she can pretend that she’s just as unhappy when she’s getting everything she wants out of it, when she had been the one to ask.

“Should I count out how many times I’ve told her that same thing? How she tells me I’m wrong, how she knows me, how she knows that we can be good together?” His head tilts sharply. “The times where she’s begged me?”

i'll never be that me again

Sighing, Loren rubbed his temples. "I'm not saying she's blameless, or that I agree with her, or that she's innocent in all this. Not at all. Quite the opposite in fact, I think she's being as stubborn and pigheaded as you are." Dropping his hands, he stared at Sunjata with suddenly exhausted eyes. "All I'm saying is that she's not thinking clearly, and that as a result, I was hoping and expecting I could get you to see reason. Apparently I was wrong." The summoner's voice was soft. "Since coming to Caido she was blighted, had two miscarriages, lost her cousin, lost her cousin by marriage, lost her best friends, lost her first love, and lost her nephews." He glanced aside. "That much grief does funny things to peoples' minds." For a moment, his own eyes were distant and haunted. LOREN Not quite an open book

SUNJATA

“Good.” He begins when Loren mentions she’s not blameless in it. But the mention of how they’re both stubborn does cause a half smile to cross his face. Yes. That’s exactly why they’re in this mess in the first place. “All I want, Loren, is to give her what she wants. I’m not happy about it, but I still care. That is why I’m doing it. Let me be pissed about everything I’m giving up for a time.” He finally manages, sighing himself as well in exhaustion.

But then he goes to list out exactly what Phoebe’s gone through, and Sunjata’s half smile shifts to something akin to a grimace. “I know what she’s been through. I was here for all of it.” He snaps, pausing to catch his breath. “Don’t forget that one of those miscarriages was mine.” He rubs at his wrist, gaze looking to the rest of the dark bar. “She told me the only thing she wants is presence, to not be alone. So fine, I’ll give her that the best I can. But she has all the freedom to do whatever she wants within this relationship. I don’t care.”

i'll never be that me again