wedding bell blues

Sighing, Loren shook his head. ”No. That’s not all you want.” He gave Sunjata a pointed look. "You don't want to prove her right, or go back on your word, or whatever this is." The summoner's words were low and heated, but there was also a weirdly defeated quality to them. "So don't pretend you have her best interests at heart. If you did, you'd swallow your pride." Looking away, he pinched his nose. "You're right." Still unable to meet the bartender's eyes, the Launceleyn's foot tapped anxiously against the ground. "She doesn't know what she wants." Finally he lifted his gaze to study the other man's features. "But you do. So why do this?" LOREN Not quite an open book

SUNJATA

“Maybe it is a bit of that.” He concedes eventually, sighing that same rasping sound and shaking his horned head. But when Loren suggests that he doesn’t have her best interests at heart, he clenches his jaw. “She is a shell right now. I offered her whatever she wanted to try and get some sort of emotion out of her. She won’t eat, all she’s doing is working until she can’t anymore.” His voice, too, has a hint of defeat in it, that there’s that part of him that’s pissed it’s happening, but another part of him warring within him at how much he still cares. Somehow.

But Sunjata snaps at the mention of what Phoebe has been through, because he’d been there with her for much of it. And when Loren mentions that she doesn’t know what she wants, claims that he does he shakes his head. “I don’t know what I want anymore.” He shakes his head. “At least I’ll get some direction by having this. It’s something, at the end of the day.” He frowns, upset with it, but it’s something. He hates every part of it, what it means. But direction – some sort of… Drive, to do something whether it be what he’s looking for or not.

Perhaps Phoebe was right when she mentioned that miserable together is better than miserable alone.

i'll never be that me again

Loren snorted at Sunjata's comment. "Funny. I managed to get her to stop working and eat, and I didn't have to promise her a wedding to get her to do it." The summoner's scorn was back in full force, once more fed up with the whole situation. However, he had to stare at the bartender incredulously at the admission that he was as lost in all this as Phoebe was, and this was his convoluted and ill-thought way of trying to find some direction. "So let me get this straight. You're planning to ruin two people's lives because you don't know what you want from your own life?" The Launceleyn made a disgusted sound. "There's so much you could do." Standing up, he began to pace, his hands clenched into fists. "You could help find medicines for those who are still wounded. You could devote the considerable resources at your disposal to figuring out what the fuck happened at Fiat Lux. To making sure we're better prepared next time a tragedy strikes. To throwing a fucking party, even, or a wake, or a memorial, something to help people recover and move on from the horrors they've just experienced." Stopping, he glared at the other man. "But no. You're being selfish, shortsighted, and stubborn instead." Loren's nostrils flared. LOREN Not quite an open book

SUNJATA

At Loren’s snort and his words after, Sunjata goes to pinch the bridge of his nose again. “I guess that’s the difference, huh?” He pauses, head tilting up to look at the summoner who scorns him. “Remember when I told you that I thought she was still in love with me? That’s the difference.” He frowns, shaking his head and stares back at Loren as the next round of scorn and frustration gets back around.

But at the accusation that he’s done nothing, no that gets under his skin. And he laughs, though the sound is a bit more of a scoff, shaking his head as his gaze flits back to the bar in front of him. “Ah no, I’ll admit I’m being stubborn. But you don’t get to say I’ve done nothing. I’m part of the Militia and helped put the training grounds together. I helped go over defenses and possibilities of that to prevent things like Fiat Lux with Deimos. I helped him put ramps around his house for Amalia.” He pauses, likely to cough as his voice rasps again.

“And I went to Phoebe because of Rhett, Jax, and Cormac to try and help.” There’s a light sneer to his face at this, head shaking as he looks back up to Loren. “I helped get people to safety once I got out of that fucking thing.” There’s still a part of him that crawls, that is fidgety, flighty with the feeling of being trapped in the mud monster, helpless and still fighting back regardless if he was going to make it. Besides the fact, too, that he's supposed to be on bed rest, comatose to an extent, to let his lungs heal.

i'll never be that me again

Rolling his eyes, Loren tried to unclench his jaw, which had suddenly tightened. ”Somehow, I doubt that's the only difference between you and me." The summoner's words practically dripped with disdain. As Sunjata started sniping back at the Launceleyn, he stepped forward, though the bar still separated the two men. He let the bartender finish his tirade before Loren responded. "Alright. I'll give you all that." Taking a deep breath, he settled back onto the bar stool. "So why do you say you don't know you want? That you lack direction?" His voice had dropped in both pitch and vitriol, though there was still a hard edge to it. LOREN Not quite an open book

SUNJATA

He debates whether to roll his eyes again, but refrains as he sighs toward Loren. An equivalent sigh of of course that answers the differences between them. That there’s many, that he’s just picked the one he thinks matters most. But then he goes on his tirade, off all the things he’s done as of late. But he shakes his head near the end, a ragged breath leaving him again.

Why does he say he has no direction? Because he doesn’t. “The only thing I want is to see what else Caido has to offer. But how to go about it, how to get there? Where do I even start?” He runs a hand through his hair, snagging on a horn again. “Perhaps I’m destined to just stay here in the end.” He sighs, covering his face in the end with both hands. Perhaps he’s breaking. Slowly, chipping away. “It doesn’t matter right?” He manages, muffled behind hands that he slides away from his face. “I’ll marry her, maybe figure it out along the way. Maybe I won’t. We’ll deal with each other, or we won’t.”

i'll never be that me again

Loren just stared at Sunjata for a long moment, the summoner's expression incredulous. Then he shook his head, eyes a bit sad. ”How much of the world have you actually seen? The parts that are available to us." He tilted his head and gave the bartender a sympathetic look. "It does matter." The Launceleyn's tone was quite insistent about that fact. However, he sighed. "I know you've had your reasons not to go exploring. But if that's what you want, you can do it." He smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes and it was sad around the edges. "Just walk to the Spire and go through the portal. I know you've done it before. And if you need company, I'm sure there's many who'd go with you." He shrugged. Then his eyes narrowed. "But don't shackle yourself to Phoebe if you're just planning to leave one day. Neither of you deserve that." LOREN Not quite an open book

SUNJATA

“There’s more out there, and maybe something will make better sense.” He frowns, uncertainty lacing his voice. But when Loren says that it does matter, he can’t find it in him to understand how it does. And when Loren continues on to say that he’s had reasons, there’s a frown that crosses his face further at that. “I did it before, yeah.” He agrees, conceding, voice horse as he fumbles for the right words to say, the ones that make sense within his confused mind, his temper.

The mention of it though, of him leaving causes his gaze to lift up to Loren — something shadowed, haunted, broken within. Like there’s a puzzle piece that can’t fit just right anymore, tossed to the side. “It would be mutual.” He says. Because while he knows this isn’t Korofi, he has some traditions still ingrained into his brain. That once you step over that threshold of marriage its either death or a mutual agreement that gets you out.

Perhaps part of him hopes that it’ll be miserable enough with her alone that she’ll come to it on her own, say that they tried. Perhaps it wouldn’t, and he’d die like Lusea did somewhere far away without anyone else to bear witness to it. “But I will protect her.” He frowns again, gaze dropping to the table. “Regardless of how I feel about this whole ordeal, I’ll at least do that much.”

i'll never be that me again

Loren frowned at Sunjata's response. "What's wrong with the lands we have access to now?" Although the summoner's confusion was almost certainly a result of his stubbornness, that didn't make it any less genuine. However, as the bartender conceded, the Launceleyn bit his lip. When he next spoke, his voice was gently encouraging. "Then you can do it again." Unfortunately, his gentler mood didn't last for long. Letting out a huff of annoyed air, he shook his head at the other man. "I didn't mean leave the marriage. I meant physically leave to go on to new lands." Taking a deep breath, Loren tried to recapture the calm from just prior. He was surprisingly successful. ”You don’t have to marry her to protect her.” The words were shockingly gentle. ”I’m here, aren’t I? Trying to protect both of you from yourselves.” His lips twitched, though his eyes were sad. "And I'm not marrying either of you." LOREN Not quite an open book

SUNJATA

“I’m looking for an ocean. There’s one here somewhere that we can’t get to yet.” He offers, having learned about it from James, his gaze flitting up to look at Loren with a small roll of tattooed shoulders. He’s always looked for the ocean, one way or another, a small little private hideaway Saartjie and him had ran off to. It ended up becoming a promise with Lusea, too, to find the ocean and thrive among the waters and warmth like before. Like it should have been.

He runs a hand through his hair as Loren tells him he can do it again, unsure of how, whether he wants to or not. Perhaps he could at least try it, he might be able to get used to it. It would be a new experience in the end and perhaps with more of the same he could give it an attempt.

But when Loren tells him that he didn’t mean the marriage, Sunjata realizes what the summoner had meant all along, and there’s an edge of a smile that curls the corner of his lip. “Again, mutual.” Because he’d told Phoebe about his wants to explore other lands, to go there once he found an ocean. Perhaps she didn’t think he was serious, but he told her he planned on doing it. He’d be damned if she stopped him. Though she would be welcome to come with.

Perhaps learn how to swim.

“I know I don’t have to.” He tells Loren, shaking his head. “But it’s not your job to protect her, to protect me, to protect all of us.” The steel in his eyes grows a bit hardened at that. “I don’t know why you keep thinking you do.” And he doesn’t. “It’s a losing battle every time if you try.” He’d tried to before, and Lusea had died twice. He had tried to with his sister, and she was gone too. There came a point where Sunjata just simply didn't care about the whole so much as the few, and even then he lost time and time again.

i'll never be that me again

Loren sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. Then he reached out with his magic: water rose from a nearby barrel, and a container of salt floated up as well. Both twined about the summoner before he returned them to their original spots. "If you wanted an ocean, you could've built one here." He shrugged, not at all impressed by Sunjata's dream. Unfortunately, the Launceleyn was even less impressed with the bartender's ridiculous approach to the marriage. Indeed, Loren's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Stop saying mutual, whatever that even means. Her life is here. You know that. You're just going to break her heart when you leave to go haring off for the waves, or whatever it is you're planning." His voice was low and had an edge to it. For a long moment, he just stared at the other man. Finally, he stood. "Fine. You're right. But don't come fucking complaining to me, or anyone else, when it inevitably falls apart." With that the Launceleyn turned to leave. However, he paused by the door. "I don't approve of this wedding. But you might as well do wrong right. So if you need anything, let me know." He hovered by the exit. LOREN Not quite an open book

SUNJATA

His gaze snaps up to the magic that’s displayed, disdain glimmering within the bluish grey as he doesn’t know what to say to that. You can’t just build an ocean. It was there, or it wasn’t. And so he chooses to laugh instead, a hollow and deep sound. “Oceans are vast, huge things that span coastlines. You don’t make an ocean.” His lip curls then.

“It means that she’ll come with me for a time, and if it means compromising then we will.” He explains, but he’ll be damned if he’s kept from the ocean when they find it. “Her life is here, yes, and what has it caused? Nothing but pain. What if she wants to go, Loren?” His head cocks to the side. As for breaking her heart? Well, he’s done it once before now. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad the second time.

But then he’s telling Loren that it’s not his job to protect everyone, and some of his temper returns as he stares at the summoner, muscles feathering in his jaw as he clenches it. “The fact you think I would is certainly something.” He almost wants to laugh. But Loren’s up and moving toward the door, and Sunjata doesn’t attempt to stop him. “Fine.” He concedes, a tip of his head as though he’s dismissing the summoner, before he goes back to grabbing the box with his ring within it.

i'll never be that me again

As Sunjata sneered at Loren, his own expression stayed placid, unperturbed. ”Why not?” He held out his hands, palms cupped. Water appeared in them out of nowhere, rising up until it overflowed. However, he dropped hands and water both as the bartender explained what he meant. The summoner scoffed. "I'm sorry, I thought you said you didn't know what she wanted." He wiped his hands on his thighs before crossing his arms. He laughed harshly at the bartender. "You've done nothing but whine about how difficult this marriage is going to be for you this entire conversation." The Launceleyn's hands clenched into fists. "I am sorry about the fact that you lost Lusea. Again. And that you've had a hard life. But you wanna know what's hard? Losing a child. Wanna know what else is hard? Having your best friend try to commit suicide in your hands, and then disappear." The words poured out of him in a rush. "You want to know what the rest of us are doing? Trying to do the right thing, no matter how difficult it is." LOREN Not quite an open book

SUNJATA

Regardless of how much water Loren could make, it wouldn’t be enough. “An ocean is essentially endless. Water that spans as far as the eye can see and beyond, so incredibly deep that you reach a point where you can’t see and it feels like the water is crushing you.” His eyes narrow. “So if you think you can create that, you can sure try.” But he can’t, he could never replicate it. He never wanted to try.

But the water falls from his hands and the question reaches him, he shakes his head to that. “I don’t know what she wants. But I do know that if she wants to explore what the rest of Caido has to offer that the Grounds or Northhaven didn’t have, then she should be able to regardless of what life she’s created here.” He says, gaze narrowing once again as Loren continues on and on, a harsh laugh that only adds to his temper.

He wants to snap initially and say that yes, he is complaining, because he doesn’t want it, but then Loren continues on as though it’s some sort of competition – and that’s when Sunjata can’t find it in him to continue this back and forth. He’s done, he’s over it. Rubbing his left hand along the side of his face, he lets the hand linger along his neck where one of his compass tattoos resides. “I’m sorry you dealt with that Loren.” He says in an exhausted sigh, meaning every word of it – having heard of what happened to Ronin and Remi, the Temple, all of it. “But there comes a point where doing the right thing becomes blurry. I hope you still know where your judgement lies.” Because he doesn’t know where his remains, where it dwells.

And it was what he’d been born for, bred for. Judgement, justice, enforcing said things. He finally lifts his head to look at Loren, horns remaining despite the exhaustion that lingers in his eyes. “You should go.”

i'll never be that me again