From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
"He's very kind, and wanting to repay it isn't bad. Just remember he's a grump and his boundaries might be different than yours," he says gently as a bit of parting advice, blue eyes warm to take any minor sting out of them. Harper will advocate for both Oliver and Loren if it means the two men achieve balance and cohesion.
"Are you part of his guild then?" Head curiously tilts as he wonders if Oliver had ever mentioned an interest in the arts the first time they met. The second had been a little too full of dancing for such revelations. Nonetheless he shrugs his shoulders at the mention of Jigano, not really wanting to ruin the occasion with talk of the man. "I wouldn't go to him for advice in the future. Better off with a book or a bumble than a biased mouth," he says with a soft chuckle. Though Harper is content to make his own mistakes if it means avoiding another ridiculous argument like the one he'd had with the Sage.
But there's no point in dwelling on it. His eyes soften sympathetically at Oliver's plight, even if he's not going to press for more details despite the gnawing of curiosity. "At least there are plenty of ways to communicate and receive affection and lust than full sex," he tries to comfort. Though Harper isn't a man with a high libido so maybe it's different, more impactful, for Oliver. He wouldn't want to diminish what happened to him. "Can you fix it somehow? Maybe apologizing?" If it didn't just end up getting him cursed again.
They both take the distraction of shifting for what it is, and Harper obliged the silent message for scratches with a laugh, doing so wherever the fox directs him. Longing once more to be Attuned himself after learning that it's painless. What would his soul reflect? A wolf, as Safrin had said? There are so many options and he wonders what his possible form might say about him.
A small smile emerges on Oliver's lips. "Yeah, a grump is a very fitting word for Loren... it's weird, though. He can also be so kind and sweet and... I don't know. It's kind of like he's a turtle who constantly hides away." Oliver would continue to try and be respectful of Loren, maintaining the boundaries set and understand that Loren isn't affectionate. A smile is just something that he probably wont ever see on the other man's face.
With a nod, Oliver leans forward ever so slightly. "Yeah! The guild is fantastic. I mean, there's so many different opportunities. Bastien has tons of supplies for us and well, we can just be ourselves. It's great....really, it is." Hopefully Harper would get a bit more into art, maybe the man could take up painting or something. For now, Harper could just continue to perform and maybe someday be a model for the guild, it'd certainly be a fitting role. "It sucks that I kind of wanted to join his guild...but it's weird to join a guild where I'll be frowned upon for which god I chose to go with... he's great, really, but he can also be so....stubborn." Oliver hadn't realized he had a small biased against the Voice, but never would he actually tell someone to never speak to her in their life. That was just a recipe for disaster.
The blonde watched Harper for any kind of reaction to his plight and luckily, the man wasn't laughing at him. Maybe if Harper didn't hate him for this, things would be okay. It was honestly a bit awkward to talk about it, especially seeing as his friend probably didn't want an in depth description of his dick. "Trust me...apologizing probably won't work, nor will going to Safrin...Gods, just imagine her reaction." He shook his head and let out a soft sigh. Nibbling on his lip, Oliver briefly glanced down at Harper's own lips for a brief second before returning back to the other man's eyes. "This wont stop me from being romantic or affectionate, trust me... I'm just worried that others will think less of me... that someone who I love will see what has happened to me and..." His voice trailed off and he averted his eyes ever so slightly. The rest went unspoken, but it was most likely obvious why Oliver was worried or to him it was. If Harper really and truly wanted to know what happened, he'd be honest and straight forward, but until then he didn't see any reason to be that open. It was uncalled for to force such a thing on his friend.
Harper didn't completely hate him, seeing as he was now receiving some scratches exactly where he wanted. Leaning into the touch, the little fox closed his eyes and tilted his head ever so slightly. It felt great and he truly did miss this kind of contact and affection from another person.
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
"Help looks different for every person. It's nice of you to want to repay it, just remember that." Harper smiles warmly at Oliver as he lets the topic go, knowing there's nothing he can really do to advocate for Loren when he barely knows the man. He just knows how it feels to be in those shoes.
Oliver's excitement is plainly visible as he speaks about the guild, and Harper can't help but smile softly in response. "That's amazing, I'm really glad you found something you like!" Harper still feels useless and lost in this new world, but he won't begrudge Oliver finding something to fill his days. Though he seems very concerned about filling those days with sex, and Harper frowns softly as his brain begins making connections. His mentor would scold him for being so slow, but he's admittedly a little out of practice since arriving in Caido.
"If they think less of you then they're not a good fit as a hookup or a partner," he states stubbornly. "Sex isn't the be-all, end-all. It's not a great situation, but it shouldn't be a deciding factor for someone." Some people were sex crazed or had insanely high libidos, but hopefully Oliver would just avoid those types out of hand if he was already so nervous to talk about his affliction.
That last comment would remain within Oliver for a while, it'd help him to realize something new. Maybe Loren simply viewed help as a sign of defeat, thus causing him to reject any sign of it. Oliver knew that he sometimes wanted help, but other times he saw it as being annoying and like the other person was baby-ing him. That could easily be the case. He'd make sure to remember that in the future, to treat Loren properly from now on.
The smile remains on Oliver's face as Harper shows a return of happiness for him. "I could always help you try to find a Guild? I think I know someone in all of them, so maybe we could find a place for you to join! Also, I know many of the guilds hold events where you can participate but you don't have to join. It gives you an idea of what they have to offer without the full commitment." Obviously, Oliver wanted Harper to join the Artist's Guild. Already, Bastien had shown a very keen interest in the idea of having a performer. "If you want, I could tell you a bit more about my guild?" If Harper didn't want to join then that was fine, really, but the least he could do was try. No hurt in offering to at least inform Harper about the offerings and why he could be a good fit for the Guild.
Harper, unfortunately, didn't notice his small flirtatious move, but he did at least show respect towards him. The man didn't seem to view him as any smaller, in fact he showed the same level of friendship as before. It was nice to have a man so accepting and open where Oliver didn't have to worry about underlying thoughts that were hidden from view. "Thank you, Harper..." He offered a small smile, his face still a light pink. "Trust me, I don't have any place of quick one-offs anymore... I want to find someone who will accept me and love me for me, not with the idea of doing anything sexual." Of course, Oliver could still pleasure the other person, which he probably would do if they wanted. This was a bit more awkward seeing as how Oliver viewed the man and was basically telling Harper what he wanted of him. To be held and loved for him, not for the idea of doing something sexual with him.
Biting down on his lip, Oliver thought for a moment before quickly changing his mind. No.... it was too awkward for that, besides, Harper had completely missed the small attempt previously to hint that he wanted a kiss. "Could you perform for me? Or show me some of your acrobatics? And then after maybe.... maybe I could sketch you? I do need some more practice...if you're okay with that."
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
Perking up at the prospect of even having a verbal list of guilds to consider, Harper rolls to better catch Oliver's gaze and smiles. "Yeah I'd love that! They don't really advertise themselves as is, kinda hard to find them that way. I'm not even sure how many there are or what they're for." Or maybe he's just looking in the wrong places? Both options are entirely possible. He waits patiently for Oliver to tell him more not just about the guilds in the area, but the one he is apparently part of.
While obvious that the weight of his curse is pressing down on his shoulders still, at least the younger man seems to be comforted by Harper's words. Gently reaching out a hand to squeeze Oliver's shoulder if he would be allowed, Harper smiles gently. "Then you're already on the right track. It takes time and learning how to move on from people who aren't going to return the full weight of your affection, but it's worth it. You'll find someone who appreciates you for you Oliver, I'm sure of it." After all the man is handsome, kind, and talented. Few more things are ever needed to be drawn to someone than that.
The idea of a performance makes his eyebrows climb, excitement already starting to build on his face at the prospect. Though as he looks around the room he laughs sheepishly. "It's definitely too small in here for my kind of performance, but I can show you some cool flexibility tricks? And you're totally welcome to sketch me!" Nobody ever has before, but Harper is far from embarrassed of his body or appearance. Oliver could draw him with a bobble head and a beer gut and Harper would probably still love it.
Oh, Oliver absolutely relates to that statement. "I know right? I mean, you don't really see a whole bunch of obvious postings for them. Honestly, the only reason why I know about them is because I asked for a list and stuff. It seems that you only find out when they seek you out...honestly? I'm super lucky with the artist's guild. Bastien believes in creating events for everyone, not just his guild. So that's how I ended up finding out about it. And even then, he let me keep coming to the events without me being forced to join. It's nice." It really was great to be able to just do artistic things without feeling like he had an obligation to join. It gave him the opportunity to think things over and see if this guild really was a good fit for him.
"So...the guilds you should really consider are...not that many. There's the monsters guild, which focuses a lot on protecting the Hollowed Ground. So if you want to fight monsters, learn about them, and protect the people, then that'd probably be a good fit for you." He wouldn't be hurt if Harper chose this one or a different guild other than the artist's guild. Whatever made Harper happy was the most important. "The Artisan's creates like...actual goods. So lets say you really like blacksmithing, then that's probably a fantastic place for you! Or maybe you like alchemy or uh.... I don't know, leatherworth. Again, perfect for you." Leatherwork...maybe Harper is into that, seeing as he probably looks great in leather. Anyways.... "Then there's the medical college, which you already know about. And finally the artist's guild. It's great for performing and just sharing color with the world." A grin appears on his face as he begins to speak about his guild. A place where he can belong and be happy. Hopefully soon, Harper will be able to find his own happiness in a guild. "I can assure you, each one would love to have a person as amazing and fantastic as you. Hell, they'd fucking be lucky to have someone like you in their guild." A light blush dances on his cheeks as he offers Harper a smile. His words were genuine and straight from the heart.
The touch on his shoulder is what allows him to fully relax. He leans ever so slightly into the touch, letting out a soft sigh and turning his gaze away from Harper. If only he knew.... "Thank you...let's just hope it wont be super awkward to go into detail because...ouch." He laughs awkwardly, attempting to make a joke out of himself. "At least it's not super obvious and if anyone did notice, then...I'm not even sure if they'd point it out." That was the biggest hint he had really given to what happened, but it was also super true to him. Why would someone be looking at his crotch that intently to notice he had a permanent wooden hard-on?
Let's hope Harper has no intention of doing that and if he did, well, Oliver could only hope that he'd at least verbally tell him...or something. Offering his friend a smile, he gestured towards the other man before leaning over behind him towards his bag, grabbing for a satchel which he would drag towards him. "It's too bad you cant put on a proper performance...but I'd love to see anything you can show me." Pulling out a sketchbook and a pencil, he flipped it open to a fresh page, showing glimpses of previous artwork as he did so. "I could draw you performing or...you could pose for me. Whichever you want."
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
"He seems like a good man, I'm not surprised." Harper recalls the man with a budding respect after they had helped the artist make his memorial mural. That he is an exemplary leader of his guild is not surprising. Though the amount of guilds certainly is, and Harper files away the description of each one gratefully as Oliver mentions them individually. Though he blushes when the younger man compliments him so fiercely, finding himself unable to hold Oliver's gaze beneath that certain brand of ferocity. "Ahhhaha...I wouldn't go so far as that, but thank you. Your vote of confidence means a lot." Blue gaze flickers up to Oliver's, smiling crookedly. The matching hue on the other man's cheeks only makes it all the harder to hold eye contact, but Harper isn't one to shy away fully from his emotions. "That's...a lot to digest though. It's strange to not have a daily job, instead of just a guild I can visit that's based around something I enjoy." The lack of currency and economy still boggles the modern-day man. Most days are filled with wandering and exercising for Harper as he fails to adjust to Caido's rhythm.
Oliver leans into his touch, and Harper gives a comforting look when he continues on about his plight. "It's always up to you how much information you divulge, but most people here seem to be kind enough not to point out harmful observations." Oliver being one of them. Nobody has yet pointed out Harper's gratuitous scars. Though luckily most are covered by his clothing, he'd often had people comment on his scarred hands in his home world. Oliver will hopefully be safe from such intrusive questions here, at least until he can find a cure for his curse or become more comfortable with whatever affliction he has.
The idea of posing is a weird one, but Harper jumps into it with both feet like the eager fool he is. "Why not both?" Grinning, he sits up and contorts into a sitting stretch, arm arcing over and back to hook onto his foot. Breathing into the minor tug on his muscles (he'll have to fix that) Harper flashes a grin at Oliver, brow arched in a silent question, wondering if this will do.
It was troubling that Harper looked away once he started to compliment him. Had he gone too far? Had he been too blunt with his emotions? His own blush darkened ever so slightly, but he still offered his friend a smile. "Everything I said is the truth... you really are amazing as hell, Harper. I mean... I've known it ever since we first met. You're so kind and sweet and anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend, let alone a guildmember." He stopped himself then, realizing he was once again saying far too much. Most likely, Harper was uncomfortable now and his secret was out far too early.
The topic of his curse also most likely made Harper uncomfortable and would be even worse if Harper knew the true extent of his affliction. "Eh.... unfortunately, some people can be absolute assholes when they want to be... but I am happy you haven't met anyone like that yet." He could think of one particular Ascended who fit that bill perfectly. Cocky, blunt, and an absolute jackass. "But hey...it could be that you're, well, almost perfect...or well, you have nothing that would be considered a harmful observation." His face once again darkened and his eyes widened before he quickly tried to return back to normal. "But you're right! I'll just keep, you know, trying my best!" What a great save right there. Don't wanna seem too gay.
Oliver wasn't sure what he expected when Harper agreed to pose for him, but it certainly wasn't what he got. It wasn't a bad surprise, hell, it was one pleasant one, but it also showed on his face. His cheeks darkened slightly and his eyes widened. "If that's comfortable with you, then it works." So long as Harper could hold it, Oliver was fine with it.
Bringing out his pencil, Oliver started to work on his sketch, chewing on his lip as he did so. Ever so often, he'd look back up at Harper, but it was clear that his mind was now focused on the art...mostly. He had to make sure that he didn't make his feelings too obvious, so he simply threw himself into the art, trying his hardest to make it the very best that he could.
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
Harper, though endlessly flattered by each word that comes from Oliver's lips, can't help how his smile wavers and his eyes drop. "You say that because we're still getting to know each other Oliver," he points out softly, reluctantly. "I'm certainly not perfect. I have a difficult past, and as much as I strive to be a good and kind man every day, there are some things you can never fully atone for." Sighing softly he gives his friend a weak smile, hoping to lessen the sting of having someone reject your compliment. "I appreciate it more than I can say, but I'm certainly not perfect." Oliver's pureheartedness is endearing, sweet beyond measure, but Harper knows how much blood he has on his hands. How many people he has failed. It's not something he will ever be able to overlook. At least someone else can.
"Trying your best is all anyone can ask of themselves, and you're doing pretty amazingly I think," Harper says kindly, moving on from the darkness he has imposed on their conversation as he gets into position for Oliver to sketch him. Oliver's darkened cheeks catch his eye once more, and a few connections try to force themselves in his oblivious brain, but the artist so quickly turns to his sketchpad with an intent look that he can't parse the expression. So instead he remains still to be a proper model, relaxing into the slight burn of a good stretch as his mind wanders.
The words that Harper speaks hurt him to his core. Oliver starts to frown and he leans forward ever so slightly, clearly concerned for the man. He wants to reach forward and hug him, to let him know that everything is okay and that while Harper may doubt himself, Oliver is still filled with mounds of hope. "Harper...everyone has made mistakes in their past... the man I have seen before me is one of the most incredible people I have had the honor of meeting. While I may barely know you, you still have made such an incredible impression of yourself. You don't need to let your past mistakes change who you are." Oliver struggles to find the right words to convey how he feels without letting too many of his feelings slip through. "Honestly? I'm far from perfect myself, but that doesn't stop me from trying to be the best I can... and I can tell that you do the same. You could've been so rude to me the first time we met, you could've used my kindness or done so many bad things... and you have been nothing but kind and just- absolutely incredible." His voice softens and he struggles to maintain eye contact, overwhelmed by the feeling of being so open with his emotions. His vulnerability is clear and Oliver isn't sure if he enjoys showing off such a large part of himself, seeing as the last few times he has done this: people have seemingly used his kindness and nativity for their own benefit.
"You can tell me about your past, if you want, but I can assure you: I will continue to appreciate you and view you as a friend and-" His voice trails off, stopping himself from speaking certain words. Words that should go unspoken until he knows for sure that it is safe to be blunt. That Harper wont find it to be disgusting or annoying or bad or that he is stupid for ever feeling such things. Oliver feared losing Harper just because of his stupid emotions that kept making him fall for men who spoke a lick of kindness or compliment towards him. "I will listen to you, Harper... and you can tell me all you want or as little as you want... but I can assure you that I will always be by your side. You have shown me that you are one of the most genuine people I have met since I arrived here, and I don't even know if I deserved to have that in my life." To be blessed with someone so genuine and kind, it feels wrong. That Oliver ripped this away from someone else. He doesn't deserve to be treated with so much respect when he hasn't even done anything to help anyone else.
Already Oliver has let slip too many of his emotions and it is embarrassing and simply...bad. No amount of sketching will hide that he's simply spoken far too much. Been far too open about how he feels. It's stupid and just...embarrassing. No wonder why Frey made fun of him, he's pathetic and disgusting and the worst thing to exist. If he could, he would ask for Frey to take away the possibility for him to fall for someone, to save him from these emotions.
His voice was soft, reflecting the internal thoughts that had now overwhelmed him. The regret for saying so much and being too vulnerable. Is this how Amun had grown to use him? "So far.... I have a rough sketch... it's not the greatest, but if you want to see it, you can. I don't want to keep you in that position since it doesn't look the most comfortable."
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
Oliver's stubborn loyalty and optimism both frustrates and endears Harper. It's innocent, and naive, but part of him is glad Oliver still has such an outlook. He has seen far too many people be stripped of it too soon. There's not much he can do to change the young man's mind. Speaking about such dark things doesn't come easily to Harper, relegated to dark nights and night terrors that he'd rather nobody see or know about. There's no objecting that they weren't mistakes, that taking someone's very life - even if he'd been forced, tortured, controlled - can't be called something so light as a mistake. Instead he keeps his gaze firmly away from Oliver's guileless one, managing a weak smile. "Trying our best is all we can do. I'm glad you look upon me in such a good light." What more can possibly be said? It's not a weight he can stand to place on Oliver's shoulders.
The offer finally brings his blue eyes back to the younger man's face, but he gives a weak shrug and a see-through smile as an answer. "It's...not something I like to share. Maybe someday." Harper doesn't want to be the one to shatter the Attuned's crystal vision of him. Doesn't want to be the bringer of reality and darkness to Oliver's optimistic light. "Someday" is a vague enough future he can use as an excuse. "But you do deserve it. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise, everybody deserves good things - good people - in their lives. Especially you." Lest Caido tear the boy apart. Warmth and friendship will hopefully sustain the other man, help shield and protect him, much like Harper would if faced with such a choice.
They both sink into silence for a while, the air occupied only by the scratch of Oliver's utensil against parchment. When he's instructed to release his pose, Harper does so with a loose-limbed ease. "Trust me, I can hold it much longer," he laughs accomodatingly. But he's not going to argue with the artist.
Maybe it's because Oliver had a crush on him or maybe he genuinely had optimistic views of Harper, but he would still view him as someone great. As much as he wanted to hear tales of Harper's past, to understand why Harper said things like this... he knew that forcing those answers was not the answer. It would be fine for now, but someday, Oliver hoped that Harper would feel safe enough to be fully honest. "You're right... and I'm really happy to have you in my life since you always go above and beyond." There was a major slip up, but hopefully Harper wouldn't think too deeply into this.
The expression on his friend's face is worrying and it shows as Oliver's lip quivers, almost frowning. "Whenever you feel ready, I'll be here for you." He hurt Harper... he hurt his friend. That was an automatic pause on multiple things, causing a visible shift in Oliver's confidence in that moment. The words of warmth alleviated this, making Oliver's confidence grow steadily. Maybe he could... Harper liked him, thought he was a good person... but was this just being said to be nice? Did Harper actually think that? Was this only a friend thing? "As do you... ever since you've arrived, I feel like I've gotten so much better since you've arrived... I was honestly such a bitch and I think I've just... I don't know." Honestly, he was still a bitch, but Harper was helping to make him feel like he was actually useful and important in this life.
With the drawing done, he smiled towards his friend. "If you want to come see, you can. Hopefully it'll do you justice." And with that, he held out the sketchbook, ready for critique.
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
With that little snag behind them, Harper gives a beatific smile and reaches out over the distance between them on the carpet to push playfully at Oliver's shoulder. "I'm glad you're in my life too Oliver. Though above and beyond might be too high for you to reach," he cajoles teasingly. Though he's certainly not extremely tall for a man on his own merit, the four inches between them is something he intends to lord over Oliver.
With this in mind he manages to smile more sincerely, to push past the dark thoughts and the hurts that never really fade. It's one thing to fight that battle himself. It's another to make Oliver feel bad for bringing something up that he didn't know would be a sensitive topic. "Thank you. If I'm ever ready, I'll let you know." Because honestly, Harper isn't exactly sure when he will be. If he ever will be at all.
At the invitation he crawls over to peek at the sketchbook, grinning wildly at the smooth lines and general shapes taking form into something beautiful. Something that's most definitely himself, but still appears to be a stranger staring out at him from the paper. "Holy crap Ollie, this is so good! Thank you!" Even incomplete, it's an honor that the man would want to sketch Harper at all.
The ever so slight touch does cause his eyes to shift away, but he soon looks back at his friend, grinning and blushing. Over the comment? Over the contact? It'd be hard to tell. "You flatter me, even when you mock me for my height." He laughs and leans ever so slightly closer to Harper. "Happy that I'm able to be in your life, though, I'm surprised you're able to notice me seeing as you're simply so tall." He places a hand on his heart and leans into him, clearly playing around.
Oliver does doubt that Harper would ever be willing to be open with him, but the offer still stands. If the man ever does feel comfortable enough to be honest and open, then Oliver will absolutely be here to listen. "And if you ever want to come to me for even the smallest of things, I will be here. I want to help you, Harper... and if that means telling you which seller makes the best scarf, then hell, I'll do that for you." There were some unspoken things things that Oliver wouldn't exactly be happy to help him out with, but he's still be there for his friend. And hopefully the next hour wouldn't ruin that or change anything in a negative way.
Watching the man's face carefully, a dark blush soon surfaced on his face and he bit down on his lip, turning his head away slightly. "I'm really glad you think so. Here-" He quickly scribbled down his name in the bottom corner of the page and carefully tore it out. Holding out the paper, he smiled, "Think of it as your first artpiece. I'm sure that once you're showing off your acrobatics to everyone, you'll have people racing to give you a portrait. Hopefully one that displays your handsomeness- since I know for sure I couldn't capture it."
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
