You're so cold
but you feel alive
Looks, reputations, other people, bla bla bla... It wasn't until he asked what she wanted that Maea stopped, and turned slightly to look at him. Because it was the first time he had actually asked her that, and she realized... that she didn't know. How could she? This wasn't love. Barely even worth calling a crush. He'd swept into her life on a river tide and turned her upside down... and that was bullshit too because in the end it was only a kiss. Only a few kisses. And maybe a little hope she hadn't been quick enough to smother, that perhaps the light he let into her gloomy, lonesome life might linger.
Did she want him to be hers? Did she even want to be his?
"No. I just wanted to trust you."
And that had been the biggest mistake. Because she had known what he was the moment he started flirting with her despite the ring on his finger. If he could pull it off after just one kiss, then nothing prevented him from slipping it back on again. And she'd known it could happen and now it had, so why in the Abyss was she standing here all shook up?
Because she had gambled on trust, and lost. She had given him an offer and seen him take it, take advantage of the good parts, and then back on his own actions the moment she was out of sight. It wasn't even about whether she wanted more kisses or not, it was the betrayal of it. Because he knew she didn't want to be a cheat, and her outstretched hand had been an offer for him to make it so that she wouldn't be. So that she could stand tall and admit that she liked him, without feeling shame.
But that was all in ruins now, and the shame was in her gut along with the pain, and... there they were.
"What do you want, Sunjata?" she asked him, for the second time. Maea did not expect him to have an answer this time.
Did she want him to be hers? Did she even want to be his?
"No. I just wanted to trust you."
And that had been the biggest mistake. Because she had known what he was the moment he started flirting with her despite the ring on his finger. If he could pull it off after just one kiss, then nothing prevented him from slipping it back on again. And she'd known it could happen and now it had, so why in the Abyss was she standing here all shook up?
Because she had gambled on trust, and lost. She had given him an offer and seen him take it, take advantage of the good parts, and then back on his own actions the moment she was out of sight. It wasn't even about whether she wanted more kisses or not, it was the betrayal of it. Because he knew she didn't want to be a cheat, and her outstretched hand had been an offer for him to make it so that she wouldn't be. So that she could stand tall and admit that she liked him, without feeling shame.
But that was all in ruins now, and the shame was in her gut along with the pain, and... there they were.
"What do you want, Sunjata?" she asked him, for the second time. Maea did not expect him to have an answer this time.
lay your hands on me
one last time
MAEA
