my held breath fills the room with blood
hurting in ways I can't describe
"What self-worth?" Hotaru scoffs, staring down at the man she had found herself drawn to from the very moment they met. She had thought him just as powerful and sure of himself as she was, and clearly she had been wrong. "Clearly," she says, not even bothering to conceal her disappointment in him. What does it matter if she's being condescending or cruel? Is that not what he had found attractive in her? Both of their facades are crumbling, but at least she has the decency to retain a certain amount of pride in herself. Even the softness of his voice as he concedes to hurting her does not win him favors. At least not visibly. It's a simple truth and one that she won't give him leeway for for recognizing aloud.
What little fight he has left is just as disappointing as his appearance, what few points he tries to make flimsy at best. "And her own efforts in that battle? Do those matter at all? You could use the same logic to say that Phoebe's weakness is what killed her own nephews." A point that Hotaru will cruelly use herself, because she doesn't give a single fuck about the woman. Yes, a child's death is a tragedy, and one she has experienced far too often, but she's not going to give Sunjata even the slightest inch to try and wriggle his wormlike way out of this. "You were not that creature. You did not direct it towards the Festival. This is just you, taking on every little thing to further depress yourself, to convince yourself you are worth nothing." Hotaru is not fooled by his pretty words and insistence that he is a martyr.
At least he admits to appreciating that, or at least recognizing it. This apology is at least more meaningful for what little it is still worth. "Until you realize your inherent worth, until you work on fixing these flaws that you let eat you up, my attempts to help you mean nothing. What I told you, what I entrusted you with, is only spat on the more you prove yourself to be unfit to have learned them." Her voice is rigid with tension, with the control she has to exert to keep herself calm. "You tried so hard to escape your father, to make Lusea proud. You've made it no further out from under his thumb than when you first joined the fight against him. You've merely traded one master for another." A cruelty, to use Lusea and his father against him, but a truth she wholeheartedly believes he needs to hear. That he is no stronger, no better, than when he had been controlled and manipulated by his father.
What little fight he has left is just as disappointing as his appearance, what few points he tries to make flimsy at best. "And her own efforts in that battle? Do those matter at all? You could use the same logic to say that Phoebe's weakness is what killed her own nephews." A point that Hotaru will cruelly use herself, because she doesn't give a single fuck about the woman. Yes, a child's death is a tragedy, and one she has experienced far too often, but she's not going to give Sunjata even the slightest inch to try and wriggle his wormlike way out of this. "You were not that creature. You did not direct it towards the Festival. This is just you, taking on every little thing to further depress yourself, to convince yourself you are worth nothing." Hotaru is not fooled by his pretty words and insistence that he is a martyr.
At least he admits to appreciating that, or at least recognizing it. This apology is at least more meaningful for what little it is still worth. "Until you realize your inherent worth, until you work on fixing these flaws that you let eat you up, my attempts to help you mean nothing. What I told you, what I entrusted you with, is only spat on the more you prove yourself to be unfit to have learned them." Her voice is rigid with tension, with the control she has to exert to keep herself calm. "You tried so hard to escape your father, to make Lusea proud. You've made it no further out from under his thumb than when you first joined the fight against him. You've merely traded one master for another." A cruelty, to use Lusea and his father against him, but a truth she wholeheartedly believes he needs to hear. That he is no stronger, no better, than when he had been controlled and manipulated by his father.
my heart bends and breaks
so many, many times
HOTARU
