MAEA
Carry me through this world alive
I feel no more, this suffering
I feel no more, this suffering
She breathed into the stabbing pain as he resumed clamping down on the cut to stem the bloodflow. It helped take the edge off her awareness of how warm his hand was around hers, how careful his ministrations were. As if to make sure not to cause her more distress. Even so, the things he told her, the quiet admission of it being too late to save the relationship he was stranded in... it made her chest ache just as much as the wrist. Maea wanted to reach for him, take his hand and hold it, do something to show even a sliver of the compassion she held for him in that moment, but... but there was a line etched in the sand between them, and she couldn't overlook that.
Saying nothing, she simply watched his face as he bandaged her arm and talked about Lusea, about their promises. Her gaze was a little sad yet attentive. Hearing about it made her think of her own pact, and the decisions she had made. Not because anyone had forced her to do it, but because it had been what she wanted.
"I understand that line of thinking," she told him, still quiet and soft as she spoke. "There was always an unspoken assumption in my family that I was to marry. Make the family grow, bring more generations to the Valair name. We're an old line, father used to claim we were some important house or clan or such before the Cataclysm. But I... never wanted it."
He released her, loosened the tourniquet. Maea touched the bandages with her other hand, examining his work - very neat, very efficient - without commenting on where he'd learned to do that.
"I always thought it would be a very selfish thing of me, to bring a child to the world if I knew I couldn't love it properly. If it was unwanted. Father never forced me to pick anyone as my brother was already married, and no one made offers for me either so... But in the end, I don't care if the family name dies with me, if it spares a child from suffering because of me."
Biting her lip, she looked up at him. Admitted to him, told him what she hadn't shared with anyone else. "And it will die out with me... I gave that part of me up. To Ludo. In exchange for being able to see again."
If she hadn't... Maea had no doubt that she would be blind by now. Unable to look Sunjata in the eyes and convey how much she disagreed that any misery was necessary at all.
Saying nothing, she simply watched his face as he bandaged her arm and talked about Lusea, about their promises. Her gaze was a little sad yet attentive. Hearing about it made her think of her own pact, and the decisions she had made. Not because anyone had forced her to do it, but because it had been what she wanted.
"I understand that line of thinking," she told him, still quiet and soft as she spoke. "There was always an unspoken assumption in my family that I was to marry. Make the family grow, bring more generations to the Valair name. We're an old line, father used to claim we were some important house or clan or such before the Cataclysm. But I... never wanted it."
He released her, loosened the tourniquet. Maea touched the bandages with her other hand, examining his work - very neat, very efficient - without commenting on where he'd learned to do that.
"I always thought it would be a very selfish thing of me, to bring a child to the world if I knew I couldn't love it properly. If it was unwanted. Father never forced me to pick anyone as my brother was already married, and no one made offers for me either so... But in the end, I don't care if the family name dies with me, if it spares a child from suffering because of me."
Biting her lip, she looked up at him. Admitted to him, told him what she hadn't shared with anyone else. "And it will die out with me... I gave that part of me up. To Ludo. In exchange for being able to see again."
If she hadn't... Maea had no doubt that she would be blind by now. Unable to look Sunjata in the eyes and convey how much she disagreed that any misery was necessary at all.
Bury me in this cold light
I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
