Wrap your teeth around the pavement

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." She shook her head. Paused, as his hand ghosted over her arm. The warmth of it lingered in the other places he had touched, and she could still taste him on her tongue. A sweet, lingering flavor she realized would haunt her for a long time. "No need to thank me for that. I did it because I wanted to. Not to be nice," she told him quietly. Maea ached to lean into that gentle touch, to take back everything she'd just said, stop herself before this became irreversible. For a moment she teetered, uncertain.... But then be turned away, reached for his drink, and the moment was gone. Drawing in a shaky breath she picked up her bags, slung one over the shoulder and took the other two in each hand. "I did it... because I love you." If it all were to end here, then she at least wanted him to know that. How very deeply she truly cared. At the very least, she could give him that. Free of charge. No strings attached.

hide your secrets, disguise your weakness

and lose yourself inside your busy head

She pauses as he reaches out for her, thanking her for being there for him when everything else had been so unsure, so terrible that he hadn’t helped himself at all when he had every option available to him. He’d leaned on her, helped her train, helped her in what way he could. But Safrin had helped him understand that it was quite possible that he wasn’t good at helping.

And look at where it got him now? A confession, as she slings the bag over her shoulder and picks up the other two. That she loves him, and he stills near the bar, the storms to his eyes shuddering slightly when he looks back to her. “Maea…” A deep rumble, a frown threatening at the corner of his lips to expand.

He hadn’t wanted her to. Hadn’t wanted her to fall so deeply, so quickly. It felt like before, when every time he’d told them not to fall in love with him because he’d only shatter the heart that held the love for him. A shaky exhale. “You can’t… You can’t love me. Whatever it is you feel, it's... I'm sorry.” He stumbles to say as he turns back to her, voice rough and far thicker in his accent.

Because love meant far more permanent feelings, far deeper than he had ever anticipated. Far more than he ever deserved from anyone and anything.

It had been a crush at first. That's what it had been. That's what he thought it still was.

burn your bridges, and leave no witnesses

all alone inside your busy head

SuNJATA

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." He made her name sound almost like a prayer. Or perhaps a curse; when he turned and she met his gaze, she wasn't quite sure which. There was a storm brewing in those gray eyes, but the girl just smiled at it, a sad little spark of moonlight offered before his clouds could completely shut it out. "You don't get to tell me what to do, fishboy," she told him, quite gentle as she repeated her words from another night spent talking in this bar. At this very spot. "They're my feelings, I think I know them well enough to tell if it's real or not." And as she ler ger eyes pass over him, there was a depth to the emotions he brought out in her that... could not be explained by the simple want of a crush. If it had been only puppy love and lust, it would have faded when she learned of his relations with others. Would have died that moment wjen he left her side to stand beside Nate, denying her simple request for pleasure. But no. It had only made her see the truth behind the flushed confusion. It was quite real.

hide your secrets, disguise your weakness

and lose yourself inside your busy head

Fishboy, the nickname returns, and he can’t find it in him to smile at the sound of it coming from her tongue anymore. A huff of a sigh leaves his lips instead, shaking his head slightly when she repeats words he’s heard her say before. His frown does expand, as he stumbles to figure out what to say, what to do. Because he’s not sure he can love again, not sure he wants to anymore. Not after everything – Lusea, Hotaru, Phoebe once perhaps.

It was all too much.

“I’m sorry.” He utters again, not sure what exactly to do with himself. He can’t go to her, can’t give into her like he’d always done with everyone else. Because for once he was sure that he couldn’t love again, didn’t know if he wanted to, and even though she loved him, she doesn’t deserve that. Doesn’t deserve to be tossed aside when he changes his mind. “I’m sorry that it got to that point, that it was me.”

burn your bridges, and leave no witnesses

all alone inside your busy head

SuNJATA

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." Head tilting, she looked puzzled at the apology. At the clear storm of conflicting emotions in him. "Don't be sorry," she said. And as she breathe in, let out a slow sigh, Maea found that she felt steadier than in a long time. More sure, not that she had found her answer. "I'm not." It would hurt, she was sure. To stay away from him. To keep away from the bar - she would have to find some other places to stay now, this would never work - and not look too deeply for the connections that vad already tied them together. Oh, she would shed many tears over the Flood, like so many before her, but Maea thought she might become stronger for it. "If anything, you showed me that I'm still capable of letting people in. I'm actually rather grateful it is you. " Not was. Is. Because even if this was over, it also really wasn't. Just... entering a new chapter. Maea began to walk towards the back, to the room, away from him. "I'm still going to be around if you need me, you know. That will never change." He could like it or not, it didn't matter. Wasn't up to him, in the end. Only whether he chose to accept it again or not.

hide your secrets, disguise your weakness

and lose yourself inside your busy head

It doesn’t mean that it’s right. And with it, he can’t help the slight clench to his jaw. That she’s so willingly fell headfirst into something that could never work – married or not, so soon after it ended as well, so soon after he’d decided against it all in the favor of trying to just survive at the end of the day. But he can’t help the look of a hint of longing behind his gaze as she continues.

That she’s grateful that it is him. And all he can do is nod to that. He doesn’t understand, he doesn’t know if he ever will. But she begins to walk away from him and he lets her, despite how much he wants to go after her again. He wonders if she’ll still want to train with him, wonders if she’ll want to get near him again and be pulled under the current that was him.

“Goodnight Maea.” He offers, though it sounds far too close to a goodbye to be comfortable.

burn your bridges, and leave no witnesses

all alone inside your busy head

SuNJATA

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." But that was love, wasn't it. Never convenient, never really appropriate. It did not care about circumstance or what might be good or right or proper. In truth, Maea had as little choice in this as he. She never chose him, he had appeared before her and left her more than she ever asked for, more than she ever wanted. What was she to do, smother it? Hide it away, pretend it wasn't there, wasn't real, and make a lie out of everything? Gods, she was sick of playing pretend. Of holding back, clinging to that rocky ledge and fear what was below. Sunjata had told her himself that it might not be so bad to let go. So in the end, she let herself fall. It was just unfortunate that he did not want to catch her. "Goodnight" she responded, very quietly. But he would hear her; he always did. "See you later." An answer to a question unasked. Then she was gone. ----- - FIN