when you're all alone and you think of home
places you may have been and who you know
The clear relief on Sams face when he saw him was just another nail in the tangled mess of guilt coiling in Nate’s chest, a nail he felt slide into him with no resistance at all. Arms opened, called him close, and he went to them, each step feeling hollow, feeling final. Feeling like he was creeping closer to the gallows, and the only mystery left was when the door would open under him.
Nate couldn’t bring himself to sink into Sams arms, couldn’t bring himself to pull the other man close against his chest, when he had to smell like sweat and shame and someone else entirely. ”I’m sorry.” He murmured, voice distant, eyes focused on a point near Sams chin, unable to look into those green blue eyes. It was an apology for things Sam didn’t know yet, and not near good enough for those things.
”I uh... I’m not hurt. But...” Nate trailed off, took a deep breath through his nose as his mind worked overtime, trying to find the gentlest way to do this. He was not gentle. He was brusque, prone to flowery words and flattery when they suited him, but this was not a situation that suited anyone. ”We need to talk. I... need to tell you something. I...” He finally lifted his gaze to meet Sams, shame and regret burning in his eyes. ”I fucked up.”
Nate couldn’t bring himself to sink into Sams arms, couldn’t bring himself to pull the other man close against his chest, when he had to smell like sweat and shame and someone else entirely. ”I’m sorry.” He murmured, voice distant, eyes focused on a point near Sams chin, unable to look into those green blue eyes. It was an apology for things Sam didn’t know yet, and not near good enough for those things.
”I uh... I’m not hurt. But...” Nate trailed off, took a deep breath through his nose as his mind worked overtime, trying to find the gentlest way to do this. He was not gentle. He was brusque, prone to flowery words and flattery when they suited him, but this was not a situation that suited anyone. ”We need to talk. I... need to tell you something. I...” He finally lifted his gaze to meet Sams, shame and regret burning in his eyes. ”I fucked up.”
awaiting the hand of god knowing i stand to fall
i stared into the pitch black to no hand at all
NATE
