the dying sun illuminates so much

Safrin What indeed. "I hope it's clear to you by now that your arrival in Torchline was meant to be a respite, not a punishment. Despite the scene you caused, the pain you inflicted, the lives nearly lost. " Sparks like firing synapses of displeasure bloomed like budding stars around them. "It was meant to give you the opportunity to find the clarity you needed, but apparently you've been too busy in booze and blood to see things clearly." An issue she was clearly here to fix. "Aoife's death is a tragedy. I have lost children and know too well the grief of it." Her voice had softened, but make no mistake, her sympathy didn't erase the wake of Ronin's actions. "How many times have you come to me seeking answers? A purpose? A path? You're not so naive to know that it wouldn't be without heartbreak and loss."

I swear I still believe but I don't know

It was not clear to him, if that had not been absolutely obvious by the scene on the beach that she had interrupted, and Ronin found himself standing rigidly in the strange, galactic soup of Safrin's ire, his fists clenched and his shoulders tense, his eyes on his feet now (since anywhere else led to madness). He flinched visibly at the sound of Aoife's name, tired blue eyes pricking at the corners, but he did his best to stand against the torrent she threw at him.

"Did you save her just to kill her later, then?" he asked softly. "To provide the heartbreak and loss intended to shape me?" He drew a shuddering breath. "I wish she had died with Vanya. It would not have been so cruel as this."

the dark star

Safrin 'Is that what you really think, Ronin?" Her voice is suddenly tired sounding. "I never promised her immortality. When the day comes that you die again, will you blame me for that too?" Light explodes as Safrin's patience is chipped away. "When did you become so selfish. Why have a child at all then Ronin, if you are going to resent all that they were just for the sake of your feelings? You'd wish away the life Aoife got to live, the joy brought to you and Remi and everyone else, to soothe your grief?" Her hands are suddenly on his jaw, tipping it upwards to force his gaze to meet hers. "Say it now and I'll erase her from your mind, her existence gone. You need only say that you are so weak and selfish that you'd wish away the life of your daughter." She is effervescent in her disappointment now, eyes wide with untapped fonts of cruelty of which Ronin couldn't even dream.

i'm not the man they think i am at home

Sure. Of course they were gone. Safrin just did as she pleased, popping them in and out of existence as she saw fit.

Knowing there was nothing he could do, Remi exhaled an exasperated sigh and briefly considered tearing up a section of the beach. Instead of doing this though, he simply leaned back until he was flat on his back and closed his eyes. Every so often his teeth would grind together as he tried to count the passing seconds.

(Remi out until they're back)

I swear I still believe but I don't know

Irritation sent a prickling sensation up the back of Ronin's neck, and he clenched his jaw to keep the words back. No, but I didn't expect her to fucking die before she could string a sentence together. Of course, it hardly mattered with Safrin, given that she could read him like the open, battered book that he was.

At the explosion of light he quickly shut his eyes, though stars still danced behind them, and the bite of her fury burned through him, filling him up and withering him out. He was forced to gaze up at her as her hands found his jaw, and oh-- there she was, his goddess, gorgeous and mercurial, willing to burn away the memories of his daughter on a celestial whim.

And he wanted her to, for a moment, Ronin frozen and trapped in her grip. That his suffering might end, that he might step forward into a new day without the weight of all that Aoife had brought...

But that would be selfish too, in the end. Did he care about being selfish, though? Was that not his life now, with Remi? Had he not set himself upon this path on purpose?

"I am not strong, or brave, or kind," he said, unable to hide the tremor in his voice. "Not a king, not a hero. But I was a father. I will not have that taken away."

the dark star

Safrin "Never once have I asked you to be those things. King..hero...those are not names meant for one such as you." She says almost kindly before the skin around her eyes tighten. "You'd do well to curb your thoughts from marinading your mind in such things. Anger clearly makes you incapable of rational thought. I am a goddess of life Ronin, not of death. That has never been my domain nor will it ever. I never promised you or Aoife anything more than a second chance; a life lived past the womb." Releasing him, she pulsed backward, head tilted dangerously to one side as she eyed him. "It takes much to surprise me Ronin but I thought you far more clever than taking out your grief on me. On my place of worship." Vanity makes her ugly, but she doesn't try to hide it. "Cry out at Rae for making such creatures, malign those who failed to stop it from entering the festival, your husband for not protecting her. But me, Ronin?" Her lips twist with unsaid threats. "Should you turn against me again, you will find that there exists fates far worse to endure than the early loss of a child."

I swear I still believe but I don't know

Ronin didn’t think he had been so badly chastised even when he was a child in Northwind - but then really, that was hardly a comparison given the godlike nature of his current parent, so to speak. He flinched at that word, though which in particular - life or Aoife was unclear, and his jaw tightened as Safrin pulsed back, almost grotesque in her beauty and her ire.

He stood rigidly against the storm of her words - for what could he say against them? All the charm and smiles in the world didn’t change the reality that Safrin placed before him - defy me and suffer. And whilst Ronin had suffered, was suffering, whilst a laugh begged to rip out of his throat at the idea of there being something worse than this, he was no longer so mad with grief as to provoke it.

”I understand,” he told his goddess.

the dark star

Safrin "I don't believe you do. But you will." She said. Reaching forward a hand that, should Ronin try and evade he'd find himself helpless to avoid, she stroked her fingers down the side of his cheek. "That you would accuse me of using the woes of your life to shape you into something for my own purposes is laughable Ronin. I do not place obstacles in your path as tests. I don't darken your doorway to make your light shine all the brighter." Pausing to regard him for a moment, her chin raises ever so slightly. Defiant of his views on her. "That leaves only you. You who is using your suffering to justify your actions. Regardless of what is put into your path, it is still always up to you the sort of man you want to be. Will you really use Aoife like this? As an excuse to fight all day and drink all night? Perhaps the better question: is it even helping?" Are all the cuts and scrapes, sunburns and sand-rashes in anyway soothing the grief?

I swear I still believe but I don't know

Ronin wanted to rail against Safrin, wanted to be petulant and refuse to listen, to plead ignorance against her teachings, her lessons, her love. His eyes stung and he shut them against the warm touch of her hand against his cheek, the Dark Star forcing in a deep and shaking breath to stop from breaking entirely. Before she had returned to Torchline it had seemed fine. They had burned Aoife - she was gone, never having existed except as a poison to feed their bad decisions. And now...?

"It was," he said lamely, his voice quiet and small and unhappy, "until you showed up again." Opening his eyes, he gazed up at Safrin, guilt and grief and the strange sensation that he was betraying Remi, somehow, by not continuing down their pathway of mutual destruction. "I wasn't there. I couldn't even be there for her when she died. All this anger, it's all... it's just for me. It's all directed at me, really."

the dark star

Safrin Reaching forward, Safrin would pull Ronin to her. Often she appeared slight and small, lithe and long-limbed. Now though she was large enough to enfold him into the cosmos of her being, arms wrapped tightly around his broad shoulders. "Everyone walks into death alone, sugar. It doesn't matter how many stand around. And it was quick...a flame blown out. She felt nothing." This was said into the dark of his hair, and though she knew it would make nothing better, to know that at least she hadn't suffered should alleviate some of his ache. So she hoped. "You can be like Remi is. A log left in a fire, burned and yet still appearing whole. But when those logs are poked, they turn to ash, their cores entirely gone. Or you can burn outwards, as you were always meant to. I would not take away your anger or your grief Ronin, but I'd also not see you destroyed by it." With a small smile on her lips she added, "Or any more of my temples."

I swear I still believe but I don't know

Ronin stiffened, at first, as Safrin's presence enveloped him; he didn't deserve it, he felt. He didn't deserve comfort, or to be told that he could be redeemed. Not after he had done so much to so completely destroy everything. (In fact he knew there would be those who would resent him for receiving Safrin's forgiveness). But it didn't last for very long; he had held himself braced against his grief for so long that the permission to be anything but gruff and unfeeling towards it was too good not to take.

Folding into the goddess's embrace, he pressed his eyes shut against the cosmos that swirled around them, a shaky sigh hitching out of his chest at the knowledge that at least - at least - his daughter hadn't suffered. She had gone quickly into Mort's halls. Blinking his eyes open as Safrin's remarks turned to his husband, he couldn't help the excuses, explanations and defence that burned on his tongue for Remi--

But he didn't speak any of it. For as much as he liked to think he knew the alchemist, inside and out, he was unable to deny that Safrin knew more - knew it, intrinsically. "I would not see him like that if I can help it," he said, frowning, before glancing reproachfully up at her. "I'll admit it wasn't my finest moment, that temple. Sorry."

the dark star

Safrin Years might have passed waiting for Ronin's wilfulness to abate, but here in this place, they had time. And when he did, light shone around them so brightly that it would have made Ronin's own starlight seem like a candle compared to the sun. "Your relationship I leave to you. But he is smouldering Ronin, and whatever he has become, it will never be strong enough to outlast this." Meeting his gaze, Safrin tilted her head. She appeared two parts maternal disappointment and one part understanding lover. "Sunjata is working to repair it. He will need help. Perhaps you might find time in your busy schedule to help him."

I swear I still believe but I don't know

Rather than wincing against the light, it was almost comforting by now, that halo of celestial warmth that radiated from Safrin. No longer did it seem so harsh, so angry, and he was proud to flicker feeble alongside it. Unfortunately, his goddess’s words were not so warm. ”Do you think I can help him?” he asked quietly - for it was not only the lady of the stars who had noticed Remi’s reckless abandon, his putting up with life rather than living it. But Ronin had been caught up in only having the alchemist’s love that he had been wilfully ignoring it.

Ronin had heard similar from Sunjata regarding the Temple, and he’d already half formulated the likely outcome of his next few days from Safrin’s appearance. ”I’m sure I will be able to spare a moment,” he said, a touch awkwardly - going back to the Grounds would not be easy.

the dark star

Safrin 'To stop a smouldering you can pour water on the blaze, making it hiss and unable to burn quite the same ever again. If you reach in to pull it out, it's you who will be burned." Safrin shrugged. It would hurt one of them, either way. Likely both. The question was how badly. Chuckling a bit at this, Safrin reached up to affectionately pinch Ronin's cheek, flashing him a bemused smile. "We all make mistakes. Amalia should be healing well. If not, Deimos has been given instructions on how to speed her process." Tugging in a breath, she pushed a strand of hair from Ronin's eyes. "That old temple needed a facelift anyways."