From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Carry me through this world alive I feel no more, this suffering
Loren's voice sounded quite distant as he spoke to her. Far off, somehow. But she let it steady her, remind her of where she was, that it was all just... bad memories. Not real, not anymore. If her lips trembled under the strain of holding back tears along with the magic, he did not comment on it.
Breathing in. Breathing out. In, and out. She made herself feel the connections he described, let his words bring them back into existence. After a time, she could relax again. Became aware of how he coaxed the ice from her, took it over and made it his own.
But as if to respond to her renewed awareness of it, the magic surged in her, like a living thing. Perhaps it was, perhaps it was just the turmoil of her thoughts that brought it on, but it tried to spike out from her skin like so many sharp needles. Protective, defensive, as if to shield her from whatever it was that caused her pain.
Gasping in sudden horror as she tried to grasp the ice and hold it back, Maea snapped her eyes open. Again it slipped from her, just like it had before. Like wet soap, just... gliding away out of her mental fingers.
Bury me in this cold light I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Alright, well, this clearly wasn’t working. Loren stopped trying to remove the ice from her. Instead, he took the water he’d gathered and formed it into a sphere around her, adding to it with a bit of his own magic. Creating water was strangely more difficult than it had been for him in the past, but he ignored that in lieu of focusing solely on Maea, though she was now hidden from view. ”You’re not going to hurt me. And even if you do, I’ll heal.” The words came out gently.
Leaning forward, maintaining the hold on the water he kept speaking in that calm and even tone. ”Focus on your breathing. In and out. On my voice. On your surroundings. Let the ground anchor your, steady you.” He paused for a brief moment. "You can do this, Maea. Control your magic. Don't let it control you." His encouragement and faith were both shining through. However, any ice that tried to pierce his sphere would find itself transmuted to water.
Carry me through this world alive I feel no more, this suffering
In the end, it was the tone she responded to more than the words. Perhaps he wasn't very warm, but there was kindness and care somewhere in what he said, and it gave her the key she needed.
Moving a little, she placed the palms flat onto the floor. Focused on whatever she could, while she clung to the sound of his voice. Let it remind her of things that were light and good and safe. She couldn't hurt him? That was good. Loren was stronger than her, for all that she'd promised to take that burden from him one day. It would not be today though, and not tomorrow... and as she leaned into this knowledge, something eased in her. Warmed.
Gradually, the spikes began to fade. Melt, almost, until she could keep them from erupting randomly. It was a bare minimum, but it was control. As she found it, her breathing eased a little more. Deepened.
"I think... I got it," she mumbled. Reached out for the water that blocked him from sight, to see if she could shift it out of the way, just a little.
Bury me in this cold light I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
At Maea's words, Loren nodded. As he felt her prodding at his sphere, he turned over control of that section of the water to her. He called the rest of it back to him, letting it pool around him like a moat. "You did better than me the first time I meditated. Keep breathing, though. Keep feeling the connection between your palms and the floor." The words came out almost idly and conversational, though his eyes were sharp as he watched her.
He took a deep breath himself, settling his own nerves. "Has that happened to you before?" Tilting his head, he regarded her carefully, though his eyes did indeed glimmer with the faintest amount of concern. Although he wasn't actively using his magic, he still had a tight grip on it, ready to react to basically anything.
Carry me through this world alive I feel no more, this suffering
Coming from Loren, so accomplished, it felt like high praise. Maea allowed herself a small smile of gratitude - perhaps a little pride - and did as he instructed. Kept up focus, kept herself connected.
"Yes," she replied, gaze falling towards the floor. Guilt in her voice, in her eyes.
"I... nearly turned the VlamVloed into the Tundra when the magic showed itself the first time. Sunjata... got hurt. Not badly, but... he got hurt." A cut on the face, blood drying on his cheek; he'd still held her as she shivered on the floor, drained and only just conscious from the drain as she'd been utterly spent.
Not her proudest moment.
"It's why I'm here," she told him. "To train. To learn. So I don't hurt anyone else, ever."
Bury me in this cold light I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Loren listened to Maea’s explanation without judgment (or at least he showed no visible judgment, which was close enough). When she finished, he laid his palms flat on his thighs. "Well. I applaud your efforts to improve your control." That was genuinely meant, despite his still slightly distant tone.
Then, though, he tilted his head. "Two things, however. First, what happened in the VlamVloed sounds like an accident, and you shouldn't blame yourself for it." Pausing to let that sink in, he studied her features for a long moment. "Second, you'll still hurt people. Maybe with magic, maybe without, but eliminating the harm you do entirely is impossible. Reducing it is possible, but sometimes you'll just have to apologize and make amends, if that's what you want." It was a hard won lesson, one he struggled with himself.
Carry me through this world alive I feel no more, this suffering
Praise, doled out in moderation. Lessons, imparted from personal experience, offered without expectiation of her to absorb them right away. Maea treated them equally as gifts and was grateful. That he bothered to tell her these things, that he made the effort to try even in the midst of his own problems.
"Whoever said you were not a good teacher?" she said. Smiled faintly. "Because I'm going to want a word with them."
Though she heard him, the guilt was still there. The desire to keep people safe was still there. Perhaps those were lessons one could only truly learn by experience.
Bury me in this cold light I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
At Maea’s comment, a faint smile ghost over Loren's lips, though it didn’t reach his eyes. ”Me, so me.” With an idle hand, he mopped up the water in range and stood up. Walking over to a window, he opened it momentarily to shoo the water out before shutting it against the cold wind.
Taking a seat in one of the unoccupied chairs, he rested his hands in his lap. The smile had already slipped away. "However, I imagine others in Halo would say the same." He wasn't bothered by that, mostly just warning her.
However, his brow furrowed slightly. "I meant what I said, about Zariah. She values control and order. Luckily, control will come to you, with practice, I promise. I'd be glad to help you with that, and meditation, until you feel confident in your own abilities."
Carry me through this world alive I feel no more, this suffering
Somehow managing to stay within that fragile mindset of breathing and control, she scooted herself up from the floor and into the chair behind her. Watching as he disposed of the water (her mess) it struck Maea as very odd indeed that she was here. Sitting in a foreign room in a foreign land, talking to this person like they were friends, when in reality it was only her second time meeting him. It was an eerie, spooky sensation of having been there before (how else could it feel so familiar?) and she shuddered as it passed, luckily in time with his closing of the window. Could have been a rush of air.
"Well, in my humble opinion you're rather decent," she smiled. "So if it's not too much trouble for you, I'd be happy to accept all the help I can get."
For all that he was closed off and withdrawn, it was still comfortable to be in his presence. Calm, somehow, if perhaps not entirely relaxed yet.
"I'll happily take any advantage I can to keep her happy and off my back. All accounts I've heard so far suggests she's rather... formidable. Even though she was nice when I met her."
Bury me in this cold light I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Loren waved away Maea's compliment. Still he nodded in agreement when she took him up on his offer of further training. "Of course. Feel free to seek me out at any time." Tilting his head, he smiled a bit sadly. "And yes, I do actually mean that."
When the topic of Zariah and her methods came up, though, even that faint smile slipped away. Hesitating, he glanced at the door. Then he leaned forward and dropped his voice to a whisper. ”She is very formidable and not very patient. She values obedience above all else, and does not tolerate disrespect. And she’s not afraid to use violence to enforce her will. Revels in it, in fact.” Despite its low volume, his voice carried a great deal of urgency.
Carry me through this world alive I feel no more, this suffering
Well, ouch? "Hmm. Seems like I'm really going to have to take you out for tea before you forgive me for that, aren't I?" she replied, a little rueful even as she smiled back, delighted at seeing the expression on him. Even if it was a sad smile, it was there all the same. "I promise, I won't stand you up this time."
Of course, it didn't last long. Maea wondered at the nervous glances he threw about before broaching the topic. As if Zariah might be standing in a corner, of could eavesdrop from the mere mention of her name. It was a bit unsettling, so the girl lowered her voice too as she replied... to keep him happy, if nothing else.
"Sounds like I am best off by keeping my head down, then? But if she becomes rough with the students of her own school, I very much doubt people will be quiet about it. They don't have to come here to study, after all." She thought of the discussion with Jigano, of how swiftly the Provost might leap into action if Zariah so much as raised her voice. Even in another country.
"Jigano told me... you were planning to build a school too?" she said, half questioning as she looked at Loren.
Bury me in this cold light I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Once again waving away Maea’s reply, Loren found his other hand tapping a nervous beat on his thigh. "I didn't mean it like that. I simply wanted you to know the offer was genuine." His tone was flat rather than apologetic, but it was as close to saying sorry as he could muster at the moment.
Shrugging at her comment, he responded in yet another whisper. "Maybe, maybe not. People will put up with quite a lot if they think it will give them power, especially in the face of an authority figure." It was clear that he didn't agree with those people, but his judgment was as muted as his voice.
At her question, however, he shut down almost completely. Leaning back, he regarded her blankly. "I built it. Never held classes though." The words were curt and blunt. His hand tightened into a fist before he forced himself to release it.
Carry me through this world alive I feel no more, this suffering
Maea merely nodded, accepting the apology even though she still felt like she ought to be the one to offer it. Vowing to make up for it, to actually turn to him for help when she needed it, she let the matter drop and focused back on the rest of the conversation.
Unfortunately, she thought he might be right. Just look at herself, the position she had placed herself in. Not because she had chosen the power, but because it seemed determined to choose her... and now she would have to learn to live with it.
"Why not?" she asked. "Jigano seemed to think your school would be a far better alternative to coming here. He... " she chewed her lip, weighing the secrets she'd wanted to keep, the surprise she'd wanted to spring on Loren... and found it rather pointless. "He told me that I'd have to choose. Between staying a Loreseeker or joining this Academy of Zariah's."
There. Surprise. She was a loreseeker too... for now.
Bury me in this cold light I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
As Maea pressed the issue, Loren looked away. For a moment, the emptiness within him filled and he found himself filled with rage and sorrow in equal measure. Gritting his teeth, causing his jaw to feather with tension, he blinked away tears. ”Because...because it was part of the life I was hoping to build. The one that was taken from me." His words were low and carried a dangerous edge, one that he rarely showed to the world. "And it was too painful to consider doing it alone."
However, genuine surprise colored his reaction to her revelation. After giving her a shocked look, his eyes narrowed. "I see." Again, his fingers drummed a beat on his thigh, though this one was angry rather than anxious.
"Jigano has a lot of opinions. That doesn't make them right." It was sharper than he'd intended, so he took a deep breath to rein in his emotions. "What do you want to do?" The question was much more even.
