Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
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Carry me through this world alive I feel no more, this suffering
She stilled. Heard the tone, felt the edge. Wasn't sure who might break if she tried to press further. Him, or her? "I can relate to that," she found herself saying, after a slight pause. "I tried to maintain my family farm after my family passed... but it's just not the same." S light shrug, the same quiet sympathy offered as before. Maea could commisserate, but not help. Not change anything.
Oh, if only the revelation had come during better circumstances. The look on his face was almost as good as she'd hoped... only the anger that followed marred the reaction, made it less fun in the end. "He is the guildmaster," she said, with a gentle rise and fall of the shoulders, that did nothing to hide the hurt she felt at the ultimatum. "If he feels that my coming here creates a conflict of interest with the purpose of the guild, then... he has the right to make me choose."
There was more to it, of course. Her mistakes in choice of ways to handle the discussion, the apparent lack of understanding she had for what the guild was all about... But in the end, her answer was simple, as it was complicated.
"I want to do both," she admitted. "He offered you and Deimos as replacements for training, but since you're not holding lessons and Deimos is busy with the militia and with Amalia... I think I need to be here. I just... wish I wouldn't have to give up everything I worked for in order to keep people around me safe."
From herself, her silence seemed to add. But she didn't say it.
Bury me in this cold light I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Loren studied Maea, his eyes distant and haunted. Slowly, he nodded. ”No. It’s not.” The words were tinged with regret, so he took another deep breath to try and steady his suddenly unsettled mind.
As she spoke, he continued to tap his fingers against his thigh. When she finished, he frowned. "Well, I already offered to train with you." It came out immediately and without hesitation. Then his frown turned into a full grimace. "Just because someone has the right to do something doesn't make it right."
Looking away, his hands clenched into fists again before he carefully flattened them out, laid them on the arms of the chair. "You shouldn't have to choose." The words came out with a great deal of certainty and more than a bit of icy anger.
Carry me through this world alive I feel no more, this suffering
"You did, and I'm happy to accept," she agreed. "Perhaps that will help matters... But then again, maybe not." In the end, it had not been the magic that was the main reason why the guildmaster opposed the idea. It was... the rest of her reasons for going.
"Would... you say that there is a need to keep an eye on Zariah?" she asked him, a bit tentative. "In regards to the school, and what she intends for the people who come to study?"
The anger in him surprised her, as she didn't know the cause for it. Not because of her situation, was it? While a bit difficult, it wasn't as though the choice was wholly unfair. Zariah had tried to close the Loreseekers down, in the past, so at least that part of the objections was justifiable.
Bury me in this cold light I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Loren shrugged almost imperceptibly. "We'll see how it goes." The words weren't exactly encouraging, so he gave her a careful nod instead.
When she asked about Zariah and the school, he frowned. "I always need to keep an eye on Zariah, considering she threatened to kill me." Dropping his hands back into his lap, he studied Maea careful. Frowning, his brow furrowed slightly. "Let me guess. People are worried she's trying to train an army of mages to take over the world." For a moment, he looked almost amused.
Then it faded into something akin to boredom. Regardless, he wasn't worried, and his tone conveyed that. "She has a habit of alienating even her most stalwart allies. So she's more of an individual threat than anything else."
Carry me through this world alive I feel no more, this suffering
Indeed, there was only one way to know for sure. She would have to talk to Jigano again, before the classes started up for real and she had to make the choice of whether to attend. Somewhere, she had almost decided already, but if there was a chance that the Provost could be persuaded... But she would have to go it alone this time.
"On the spot," she admitted as he guessed the purpose behind the question. Feeling perhaps a bit sheepish, to find that her concerns were not very new or indeed a recent thought at all. "I tried to suggest that I could help... I dunno, keep an eye on things, if I was going here anyway.
"But the offer was not taken well. Apparently there is a difference between seeking lore and gathering information."
It was her turn to frown this time, clearly not seeing the difference.
Bury me in this cold light I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
As Maea revealed Loren’s guess was absolutely correct, he nodded. ”It’s possible she has that thought in her mind somewhere. I find it quite unlikely she will succeed if that is her aim." He slid his fingers together in his lap to stop them from clenching into fists or beating nervously against the chair. "I find it much more likely she seeks to use the school to legitimize herself and mages in general in the eyes of Halovians." However, he shrugged to indicate that he had no idea what Zariah's motives were.
Looking away, he sighed. "I imagine some of that was concern. Having done both, gathering intelligence requires a very different skillset than seeking out legends and lore."
Carry me through this world alive I feel no more, this suffering
It was quite reassuring to hear, and even more so if it meant she could tell the others that her offered secondary mission was less urgent than they might have thought. Maea go the impression that Loren was doing his part in watching the Merciless already, even if the daze of mourning that he was in might prove something of a distraction.
Good news for Maea, less so perhaps for Sunjata who'd wanted more information, but... apparenlty the Advocate already had eyes and ears up here. He did not actually need her.
The suggestion that Jigano's ultimatum came out of concern made her grimace. "Much as I'd like to believe that, he made it sound more like I was betraying the core values of the Guild by even offering. All I meant to be doing is listen to rumors and pass them on, along with any shady offers Zariah might extend.
"Anyone can do that, but... apparently, if I try that as a Loreseeker it's somehow very immoral."
Bury me in this cold light I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Loren frowned as Maea kept explaining how her conversation with Jigano had gone. As he listened, the healer tapped his thumbs together, though his hands stayed in his lap. "Did he explain why?" He held up a hand. "I'm not excusing him. But I do know he suffered under Zariah's reign, and I honestly do think it's likely he was worried about you." His voice still came rather flatly. Lowering his hand back to his lap, he shrugged.
"It didn't make what he did right. And it doesn't make him right, that you can't be both, do both. Or that doing both would be wrong, somehow." He glanced away. "But fear makes people act in ways they regret later. Makes them want to protect what they have." Despite his best efforts, his voice grew more than a bit sad and regretful.
Carry me through this world alive I feel no more, this suffering
She closed her eyes. Leaned the head back, and breathed, a long, slow breath. Pulling the memory of the conversation to the fore of her thoughts, she repeated Jigano's words almost word by word.
"He said, 'You have shown a lack of understanding of what this guild is based around by deciding to gain knowledge from Zariah through deception. If you decide to do this I will not stop you, but you will no longer remain a Loreseeker. Not only because of my personal bias against Zariah, but because of your arguments in favor of being a spy rather than a scholar, and your willingness to ignore those in the Guild who rebelled against her, so you would have something to return to.'
"And then he left. Saying I was free to think on it, and answer later."
The phrasing, the tone, it was all burned into her with shocking clarity. From the icy look in his eyes to the slight edge in the voice, she couldn't forget it if she tried.
Maea swallowed, still reeling from the cutting pain the last scentence had brought her. Like a whiplash, cruel and accurate.
Bury me in this cold light I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
As Maea recounted exactly what Jigano said—and it did indeed sound like the bard—Loren frowned, forgetting for a moment to keep his face mostly blank. "And have you thought on it?" The words came out more than a bit coldly angry, but hopefully she'd be able to tell the healer was mad at the Sage, not at her.
However, the Launceleyn forced himself to take a deep breath. "Jigano might be your friend, and the leader of the Loreseekers. But he has no right to dictate how you live your life. Only you get to do that." His voice came out in a low pitch, but at least he'd managed to get his anger under control, leaving a more even and flat tone in its place.
Carry me through this world alive I feel no more, this suffering
The tone made her look up, regard him in silence for a while. He was clearly struggling with his temper - and at the follow up she thought she began to understand why. Dimly, as he'd had similar reactions when talking about his family.
Someone who had been forced into things with no choice offered? Seemed a likely story.
"I have," she said. Looking down on her hands, she shrugged a little, looking rather sad.
"I'm... leaning towards coming here anyway. The Guild... it means very much to me. It's saved me, in many ways. But... If being a Loreseeker means I must seek permission for learning how to control my own powers, then... it will only become another cage. I've only just escaped one, when the barrier fell.
"I... really don't think I could stand living in another one. Even one of my own making."
So, if Jigano would not be persuaded, if his ultimatum stood firm, then... then she would leave.
It was a relief to actually say it out loud.
Bury me in this cold light I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Loren nodded almost decisively at Maea’s decision. "Then don't. And don't let anyone force you into that, either, however much they might care for you." Although he did his best not to let his temper rise again, his voice came out equal parts chilly and approving.
However, then he sighed and bit his lip. "I must warn you, though, that Zariah is much more likely to issue ultimatums to you than Jigano is. And the consequences may be far more dire if you refuse." He studied her features. "That's not to discourage you from attending her school. I just want to make sure your decision is fully informed." The words came out evenly again, without a hint of anger. There may have a bit a slight concern in his eyes, though.
Carry me through this world alive I feel no more, this suffering
He was ardent in his support, and Maea smiled in response, grateful as she was surprised that he would care so much. It felt a bit odd to have someone defend her when she still felt as though Jigano had unveiled ugly truths about her that she hadn't even been aware of herself... but it was nice. Helped boost her confidence that she could make a good decision here, after all.
The warning was taken seriously though, and she sat up a bit straighter at the look of concern. "What kind of ultimatums? You already said to be careful if she talks about joining the family... is that what you mean?"
She couldn't see that as a very big threat... all Maea would have to do was say no.
Bury me in this cold light I feed the wolf, and shed my skin
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Loren shook his head. "That's not how it will start, though it's how it might end." Hesitating, he glanced towards the door, then leaned forward.
Dropping his voice to a whisper, he made sure no one could possibly eavesdrop on the conversation. "It'll start small. Perhaps some information about the Hollowed Ground, or a task that seems innocuous, looking something up or retrieving something. Then she will likely give you more and more to do, until you've escalated to things you'd rather not be doing. And if you don't she'll hurt those you're close to in order to force you to do it." It came out perhaps a little too frankly and without enough anger, but he'd seen it and heard it enough to know how she operated.
