[SE] Steal My Sunshine

The dragon rolled his opalescent eye dramatically at the coaxing, amused but firm as he snorted. We already talked about this, Adam. I'm a little worried that too many joints are starting to affect your memory! Now I really don't dare partake with you. My memory is my livelihood! He would have swooned if he could have to add to the acting, but in his dragon form all he could manage was a rustling of his wings as he rolled his head to the side so that he was looking at the snake from one mostly-upside-down eye.

He righted himself again to laugh at Adam's brightly confident descriptions of sexual positions, trailing off into little rumbles of amusement at the helpful assistance his friend offered. Rest assured, I will, he promised gravely, though Rory was very experienced and more than happy to take the lead in the white-haired bard's education in that department. Not that he felt like sharing that with anyone else, even one as enjoyable to pass the time with as Adam.

He blinked, realizing too late that Adam had misunderstood his words, and he shook his great head soberly. Ah, no, I meant it more metaphorically. I still live with him, he's just... distanced himself from the world. A world I still want to be a part of though... less so as the seasons go by, he admitted softly, as much to himself as to Adam. Rory's retreat from the politics and tragedies of the Hollowed Grounds was looking increasingly tempting, hard though it was to face.

Oh...yeah. Maybe you're right - can't do as much shit as I have and remember everything. He'd forgotten entire chunks of his early twenties, not that he liked to talk about that much (the bits he did remember hardly painted a nice picture, mainly consisting of laying in gutters or picking at the stitched up, gory remains of his face), maybe it was time to lay off the sauce for a little bit (unfortunately the guy playing him was on an insane amount of painkillers and always braindead). Happy that Jigano would come to him for advice in any sex-related matters, Adam let that drop, glad to feel like some kind of guru for the physical pleasure of Caido. As it turned out Rory hadn't actually gone anywhere, as such...personally Adam knew he wouldn't have any patience for a partner on a metaphysical search for meaning, but he didn't say that directly to Jigano, knowing that outright insulting ones choice in lovers was a good way to immediately lose a friend. Right, but you're really important to a lotta people here, aren't you? What'd they do without you around to help...? Sides, we all got dumped in this place...well, us Outlanders anyway. We might as well make the best of it. A D A M Do you wanna dance? Do you wanna fight? Do you wanna get drunk and stay the night?

It's not the years, it's the distance traveled, Jigano agreed lazily with his fellow Old, content to let the matter drop if Adam was. A few drinks were a good time; the bard had learned to hold his liquor performing in taverns across Numeria and was confident in his ability to drink and to know when to stop. Anything else though, that might lead to a loosened tongue spilling secrets that weren't his to share? That he firmly avoided, though he tried to be polite in turning Adam down so he didn't insult his friend.

The pep talk from the snake warmed the dragon from the inside out, just as the Longheat sun was warming him from the outside in. They'd manage just fine, just like they did before I came, he admitted, a touch rueful and a touch sad. Safrin... made it clear that she doesn't think that I'm needed here. That my drive to help people is... unnecessary. He was quiet for a few moments, tail tip twitching restlessly. I don't want to believe that, he said at last, but when a goddess tells you that you are nothing, worth less than a baker or a bootmaker... it is hard not to doubt yourself or your place in the world.

Mmmm...well, I got a lot of miles behind me. Adam idly mentioned, unsure of quite what Jigano had meant but happy just to ramble on anyway. As much as he tried to avoid nostalgia (it was an useless exercise, most of the time), sometimes it was hard not to want to dip into the memories of the past, the places he'd been and things he'd done back when he'd been sure of the world beneath his feet. Though of course, not all of it was positive, and with the topic at hand, he found his mind drifting to rather depressing matters. Honestly...I'm pretty lucky I didn't die of too much a few years back. I lost a lotta friends that way. We all came from these shitty backgrounds and I guess we all tried way too hard to get rid of 'em. Not that it ever works. Safrin was a Goddess Adam was rather fond of, after she had granted him his attuned shifts, but he still had no trouble with retorting: Then fuck Safrin, she doesn't know shit. One thing that could always be counted on from Adam was that he'd always go to bat for his friends, against a Goddess or whomever had something to say. We don't have enough people that wanna help; the world's full of selfish cunts like me and that's why it sucks half the time. You gotta keep going, man. Prove her wrong. A D A M Do you wanna dance? Do you wanna fight? Do you wanna get drunk and stay the night?

Perhaps he hadn't been clear, but Adam seemed to have gotten the gist of what he'd meant. Age and experience didn't necessarily equate to the same thing, but Adam had been through a lot in his three decades - more than many went through in a lifetime. I consider myself lucky, too, that you didn't die back then, the dragon assured his friend fondly. Otherwise we'd never have met here. He yawned, shifting to prop a wing partially open so the companions could tumble into the shade he made and rest from their tussling in the sun. And maybe you can leave your past behind here... no one knows who you were or where you came from. Hell, if you asked I'm sure one of the gods would remove your memories, even, so you could start fresh. I wouldn't recommend it... but I suppose it's possible. He would be the last person to suggest it, normally, but he was curious how Adam felt about such things.

Adam's swift and casual dismissal of the goddess caught Jigano off guard and he lifted his head to look at the snake, alarmed. For a tense moment he wondered if he was going to be flinging himself between his friend and any stray bolts of lightning out of the clear blue sky... but as the day remained calm and sunny he slowly relaxed again, a pulse of genuine affection and gratitude warming the Attuned bond. ...Thank you for that, he thought softly to his friend. I... need to hear that, sometimes. I look back on all that I've failed to do and it's hard to keep trying but... he trailed off, heaving a dragon-sized sigh. Well. I'll always help you, if you call, he said fondly.

It was nice to know that more than one person cared if he'd survived to the current moment (actually, he knew several did. Somehow, he'd managed to worm his way into a few hearts); Adam watched as Jigano lifted his wing for the companions, a simple happiness making it's way through their bond. Though, when the casual suggestion he remove his memories came up, it quickly turned to confusion and an innate disgust with the idea. Uh, no. That just seems really fucking weird. I wouldn't be me without my memories. Sure a lot of them were tough, but he'd gotten to the place he was through a lot of trial and error and without remembering the mistakes, how would he know the solutions? Adam was not worried at all about being struck from the sky, laid quite relaxed in the grass. Perhaps it was arrogance, but sometimes being confident everyone secretly liked you no matter what made for an easier ride. Thanks. You're a good guy. Though I don't need much..I'm happy with something fun to do, something making my mind a lil loopy and Pet around. A D A M Do you wanna dance? Do you wanna fight? Do you wanna get drunk and stay the night?

The bond was as warm as the day between, friendship and happiness making it one of the most pleasant Attuned-style conversations Jigano had had in a while. There was something just fun about Adam, in a way that was lighthearted and different from his other friendships. He reveled in the easiness of their chatting, the way he could just let the topics drift without purpose or anything to be gained from the moment other than cameradarie.

The immediate disgust Adam felt at having his memories taken just sealed the deal, as far as the bard was concerned, and he thrummed a deep note of agreement, rumbling the ground beneath him again as the bond sang with his approval. I had a friend who asked to have his memories removed, once, he admitted. I was horrified when I found out. And I think he regrets it immensely now. But it's something that happens here, sometimes. Sometimes as a punishment from the gods, too. It's one of my greatest fears, losing my memories... he trailed off with a shiver in spite of the heat.

The thanks was all he needed, and he sent another burst of quiet agreement through the bond - and perhaps just a little good-natured envy. You make it sound a lot easier than I think it is, he admitted with a wry chuckle. How is that Ama and I have so much anxiety, and you have so little? No, wait, don't tell me... it's the drugs, isn't it? Not an option for him, then, but at least one of them could relax and just enjoy the world as it rolled by.

Apparently Jigano had been hoping for his answer, because the dragon made a noise of approval; Adam was relieved. Had he thought he was speaking to an advocate for that kind of thing, he'd have felt very weird indeed. What memories did ya friend get removed? Or...do you not know cos he couldn't tell you cos they were removed... There was a pause as he considered this, thinking if he did for some reason choose to remove memories, he'd try find a way to record them first. Ama and Jigano did have a lot of anxiety...at Jigano's assumption though, Adam laughed and shook his head side to side. Nah, long before I was on anything I was like this. Sides, nowadays I only take tiny doses of shit regularly so I don't hit withdrawal too hard, cos I got a limited supply. He was hardly sober, but he wasn't constantly high either. Really, his worst vice at the moment was alcohol, which he'd begun to try and at least constrain to the evenings. I dunno, I just...I don't see the point of freaking out about stuff if you can't help it. If...if life is like a story, things'll work out...and I'm the main character, so I'll know what to do in the end. While this might have seemed pretty self-obsessed, there was a faint amused tone to it that said Adam might have been aware of how it sounded. Not that I don't ever worry about stuff. But I try to be happy most of the time...I've seen way too many people die after years of being really miserable, and it ain't pretty. A D A M Do you wanna dance? Do you wanna fight? Do you wanna get drunk and stay the night?

It was a... complicated situation, Jigano admitted a touch ruefully, thinking of the mess that time had been. His lover had his memories of the people he loved taken away as a punishment from one of the gods, and no longer remembered him. My friend... decided he was in too much pain to continue on like that, forgotten and unrecognized by someone he cared so much for, and so asked another of the gods to remove his own memories of his time with his lover. For those of us who knew them both it was a damn mess all around. And one of the first times he'd really been truly, deeply disappointed in Sam. He hoped his friend had learned his lesson, though; it sounded like the bookmaker had come to regret that decision afterwards, at least.

He was glad to have his own assumptions about Adam overturned, snorting quiet approval at hearing that Adam was slowly coming down off his habits. Caido seemed far too dangerous a world to risk being too impaired too often, and as he'd said, he didn't want to lose the charming scallywag's company! Especially not to a Wicker Woman or a Banshee or anything else.

He did crack an eye open to look over at the snake with the sense of a raised brow at the mention of Adam being the 'main character,' but the tone reassured him and he chuckled that rumbling sound of draconic amusement again. You certainly have a point there, about trying to be happy. It's good advice I keep trying to follow... he heaved a chilly sigh. But then LongNight happens. Or something like Fiat Lux. People I care about die and... it's hard not to hurt so much that I start losing hope. He shifted to look at the companions, where Isuma had fallen asleep upside-down leaning against Coffee, and a fond pulse of affection escaped into the bond on accident. In some ways Rory's retreat from the world is a blessing, in that light. I don't have to worry as much about him getting killed by a stray mudmonster or mythical beast on a rampage. He looked back at Adam with a wry tilt to his head. Not like I do with you! Still, I'm glad to have you by my side when there's danger afoot. For his confident optimism, especially. There was not nearly enough of that in the world these days.

Oh, wow. Adam wasn't really sure how to respond to such a tale of romantic mishap, staying quiet for a moment as he watched a stray cloud above move across the sky. Sometimes after a fling or whatever has gone real bad I've drunk to hope it'll help me forget some of it, but...not seriously. Not like that. Remembering every painful second of my marriage with Heidi'll stop me from ever making that mistake again. He'd known it had been one the moment the ring had gone on really, but he'd still continued, or at least tried to, for another two years. That had been the real error. Jigano was certainly right that a lot of pain happened in Caido, from one thing to the next. I guess...I just try and see what we've still got left after. You pick yourself back up, brush yourself off and try find the fuckers that pushed you down, if there are any. Of course, when it came to the more natural tragedies that tended to haunt the Hollowed Ground, that was not really an option. Or get drunk for an evening and try find someone pretty to kiss to try and remember there's good stuff. Though I guess since we're both committed men now that one's kinda out of the cards. Coffee snuggled back against Isuma, kicking out his legs at a seemingly impossible sideways angle to sleep, one wing held out over his face to shield it from the sun. Adam smiled at the affection coming through the bond from Jigano, assuming it was for their companions. Thing about going away like that though...no one ever solved a problem by running away from it. Adam said this then immediately began to laugh, little snake body shaking in a mock disgust. Ugh! I sound like an old man. When did I get so fucking responsible?! A D A M Do you wanna dance? Do you wanna fight? Do you wanna get drunk and stay the night?

Jigano rumbled quiet understanding of Adam's way of coping, though he'd never had a romantic mishap go wrong in that way. There were plenty of other mistakes, though, that he could understand wanting to be able to avoid thinking about for awhile. His own oaths and sense of duty didn't let him get that drunk... but he could certainly see the appeal for others.

Adam's philosophy on life and moving forward was refreshingly simple and direct, though all too often the lack of 'fuckers' to retaliate against was part of the problem. Getting mad at the gods didn't really solve anything, and most of them weren't even directly involved in such tragedies. How could you get mad at a mindless beast or creature made of mud? Or, hell, even when he did get mad at the Voice for the LongNight monsters, what did it solve? She clearly had no intention of helping, even when her children were hurt by her old experiments. Sadly, the snake's preferred method of coping was no longer an option and Jigano huffed quiet amusement as the other man realized that Not necessarily. As long as our 'someone's pretty to kiss' are the men we love, there's nothing wrong with it. It just meant no more random hookups, that was all.

Jigano did, in fact, feel quite the fondness for their companions and their silly sleeping positions, but Adam's words made him blink thoughtfully, fighting against the urge to drowse off in the sun. No... they didn't, he agreed. But... they didn't make it worse, either. He chuckled mentally along with his friend, though this time there was no physical reaction to his humor as his body relaxed around the baskets that by now had to be quite full of sun. I feel like we're both taking the others' usual side, he admitted ruefully. I know I don't always make it worse... it's just that for the past few seasons it's been feeling that way. Every major thing I've set out to do has ended badly, and... well. It gets to be too much, sometimes, feeling like there's no way to win against the gods of this world. I know it's just the exhaustion talking, but that's how it feels most days anymore. It was hard to stay optimistic when he had so few accomplishments to point at and say "I did this and made the world better for it" and so many failures to mock him with friends injured or dead or, at best, no successes made to improve the world and leave it better than he'd found it.

Don't get me wrong - I love Pet and I'm happy I've got him to kiss instead, but...a big part of the comfort hook up is the thrill of doing it with someone new. Adam pointed out, though he didn't sound all that disappointed; he really was happy that he had Peter around instead now. Maybe he'd lost out on his preferred method of unhealthy comfort, but there was a real peace in knowing he always had someone to come home to. Jigano's pessimism was easy to understand given all that had happened, and really Adam didn't have much of an argument against it. 'Just keep going' could only be said so many times and still be effective. Well...let's just do our best, whatever that is, yeah? It'll work out in the end. And if it didn't work out, it wasn't the end, or something like that. {fin} A D A M Do you wanna dance? Do you wanna fight? Do you wanna get drunk and stay the night?