Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again
She sighed and shook her head. "You forget I am from Northwind. Magic is a blessing held in high esteem, enough to make even a lowly commoner a lord or lady." she said twirling her finger in the air, as if shooting a magic spell from it. Phoebe had no issue with magic or magic users. That had been ingrained to her since childhood. "But yes, it can be a crutch." she added with a shrug.
Her heart raced for a moment. But not from desire, but a hint of fear. Loren seemed rather intent, and frankly she had no way to defend herself against him - and while she had not thought him the sort to force himself on another, she also hadn't thought him the sort to proposition her in the first place, much less in the woods. Her eyes narrowed, taking a hesitant step back. "Feelings. Emotions. Caring. Love." she said, shrugging her shoulders. "All the things you already said you couldn't give me."
Nodding slowly at Phoebe's explanation, Loren shrugged a bit. "Fair enough. On both counts." He lifted his flask in a toast before taking a sip.
As she moved away, he leaned back as well, letting his back fall against the tree trunk. "You don't need all those things to have a good time. Or to have sex." His voice was amused, though he took a long pull from his flask, finishing.
Slipping it into his pocket, he crossed his arms. Finding himself staring in the direction that Astra and Pim had darted off to, the healer let his head roll to the side so he could look at the midwife instead. "Would you even want that from me, if I was capable of giving it?" The suggestive tone had fallen away, though he still spoke quietly.
look at how a single candle can both
defy and define the darkness
Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again
She would have toasted him, but instead held the flask tight in her hands. It was the only thing she could maybe whack him with if he tried to press her further.
But he didn't, settling back and instead pointed out the obvious. "I am aware. My best friend is Frey after all." she said, rolling her eyes. "It isn't about needing them, it is wanting them. I've spent enough of my time throwing myself at men who say they will give me that but ultimately won't that...I'd rather wait to have those things for certain now." she said softly, looking down at her flask for a moment.
His additional question caught her off guard, anshe glanced up at him again. For a moment she was silent, considering. "I did once before. It isn't outside the realm of possibility. But from what I've heard, I am not your type." she said.
Tilting his head to the side, Loren gave Phoebe a surprised look. ”So let me get this straight.” His brow furrowed and he tapped a finger against his arm. ”You’re abstaining from sex until you’re sure you’ve found the one?” Uncrossing his arms, he lowered them and then spread them a bit. ”Why?” His confusion was genuine and he stared at her, more than a bit incredulous.
He couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. ”Is that so?” Raising his eyebrows he gave an a look that was equal parts amused and curious. ”Alright I’ll bite. What have you heard and what is my type?” There was something almost eager about his posture as he waited for her answer.
look at how a single candle can both
defy and define the darkness
Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again
Well that was a jump from one extreme to another, but Loren was good at that. "No, I am abstaining from having sex with men who proposition me in the woods just for the hell of it after they've made painfully clear they aren't interested in me before." she said. "I'm more...abstaining from letting any little sign of affection have me falling head over heels. Losing myself to a man's whim or charm." she said with a shrug. "I know I fall to easily. So casual sex isn't exactly something I do well. If at all." she added.
Phoebe raised a brow and crossed her arms. "Well, you were with Remi. And then Abasi. Logic dictates that I am missing an important few body parts to be your type." she said dryly.
As Phoebe spoke, the confused expression on Loren’s face cleared. ”What makes you say it was just for the hell of it?” The question came out thoughtfully, though be squirmed a little as she kept talking. ”That’s not...I didn’t mean it like that.” He spoke softly, and found he couldn’t quite meet her eyes.
Falling silent, he let her finish before he responded. ”Is it something you’d like to do well?” Only then did he glance back at her.
At her explanation about why she wasn’t his type, he laughed outright. ”Well, your logic would be wrong then. In your defense, you don’t have the full list of partners. Rest assured, your parts are my type too.” Realizing how awkward and forward that sounded, he flushed slightly.
look at how a single candle can both
defy and define the darkness
Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again
Her expression dropped as her hands moved to her hips. "What's it for then, if not for the hell of it? Do you have an actual reason you want to sleep with me besides 'because I am a sexually mature male and am therefore capable of having sex with the woman infront of me'?" she asked, clearly not in the least swayed. "How did you mean it then?"
Phoebe blinked at him slowly. Clearly he wasn't getting it. "Why? Why try and fight what I am?"
That apparently men were not his only choice of partner was a surprise to her, but she didn't let it phase her either. She simply shrugged. "Ok, I was wrong about that clearly."
Sighing, Loren ran a hand through his hair. Giving Phoebe a sympathetic look. ”Because I’m hurting, and sex makes me feel less alone. Makes me feel good, even if it’s temporary.” Shrugging, he looked away from her and drummed his fingers against the bark of the tree. ”And because I thought you might be lonely and sad too, after everything you’ve been through. So I was hoping we could make each other feel better. Even if it was just for a little while.” He spoke softly, and his eyes were distant.
Shaking his head, he shifted to rub his hand against his thigh nervously. ”I’d already caused everyone so much pain. I just...didn’t want to make things more complicated. And I didn’t think you’d be happy with me.” He smiled apologetically at her.
The flirtatious and suggestive air had slipped away from him entirely, and he looked almost small instead. ”Not clear at all. You didn’t know.” He pinched the bridge of his nose.
look at how a single candle can both
defy and define the darkness
02-28-2020, 12:18 AM (This post was last modified: 02-28-2020, 12:18 AM by Phoebe.)
PHOEBE
Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again
"I am sad and lonely and hurting." she said with a sigh, shaking her head. "But sex doesn't fix it. It makes it worse in the end, at least for me. I question why people won't stay, why I am not enough for being anything more than a bed warmer." she said, frowning as she looked at the ground. "It causes me more torment than any momentary bliss can solve, and so it's just better if I don't. If I limit myself to people who actually want something more." she said softly.
She blinked at him, eyes narrowing in confusion. "That's ridiculous, Loren. You don't get to decide who does and doesn't make me happy. All you can decide is who does and doesn't make you happy. As far as I am aware, it isn't me." she said with a sigh. Just like everyone else. He was no different.
Loren nodded slowly at Phoebe's words. "Okay." Rubbing tiredly at his face, he scooted a tiny bit further away from her, sliding his back against the tree. "I'm sorry you're sad and lonely." His voice was quiet, and he rubbed his hands together awkwardly.
Closing his eyes, he sighed. "I never claimed to be a particularly rational or smart person." Opening his eyes, he shifted to rubbing his arms instead of his thighs. "And nothing and no one makes me happy these days. At least not for long." It came out more matter of factly than sadly.
Shifting slightly, he regarded her with eyes that glittered just a little bit from unshed tears. "Do you honestly think I could've made you happy?" His tone indicated that he, at least, still doubted it.
look at how a single candle can both
defy and define the darkness
Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again
As he scooted away she relaxed a bit. Apparently the point had gotten through the drunken fog, and she took a long drink of the whiskey in her flask. "I am too." she said with a sigh, looking down at the ground. No one wanted to be sad and lonely and hurting. But it was where she was, with no end in sight.
"And yet you carry very strong opinions for someone who is neither smart nor rational." she said, half joking, half serious. He did have a tendency to be very pig headed when he wished to be, and arguing only made him increasingly stubborn. Perhaps it was a Launceleyn trait. "That's because you're grieving. It'll pass in time. Or so I am told." she added with a light shrug.
But at his question, she paused, holding his gaze steadily for a time as she remained silent. "I do." she said simply, not shying away from it, nor changing her tune from when they last spoke of this.
Hesitating, Lorens shifted his weight awkwardly from side to side. Finally, he tentatively reached out to try and lay a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to be sad and lonely alone, you know. This isn't a sex thing, just, you know, friends and all that." His tone came out understandably awkward.
"That's true. I'd argue that the dumb and irrational are the ones who are likely to have the strongest opinions, though." Obviously his voice was self-deprecating, though any hints of humor soon faded. "So I'm told too. I'm still waiting." His fingers dipped into his pocket before he remembered he'd finished his flask and he just clasped his hands in front of him instead.
At her one word response, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Why?" He spread his arms a bit helplessly.
look at how a single candle can both
defy and define the darkness
Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again
She blinked at him slowly. "A...friend thing." she repeated, not really sure what he meant. Last time she checked it wasn't exactly a usual thing to follow up an ask for sex with 'I meant that as a friendly thing'. But maybe it was a man thing she just didn't understand.
"As am I." she said softly, staring at her flask. Everyday it still hurt. Briefly she glanced at the burns on her knees, pressing against them with her fingers. They stung and pulled, but for the moment it helped her keep her composure.
Why? The question of the season, wasn't it? Phoebe looked back up at him, tired and sad honeyed gaze surprisingly open given how the conversation had started. "Because beneath the snark and self-loathing, you're a dedicated family man. You care deeply. You love hard. It's why it hurts so much when you lose people, even those you don't like terribly much. You're intelligent. Dutiful. Loyal." she said, pausing for a moment. She looked away, off into space. "You just...need someone with the patience to help you heal all that's been done to you. And...I wanted to do that."
Letting his hand fall from Phoebe's shoulder, Loren let out a huff of laughter. "I meant that we could hang out as friends. Maybe try to help each other feel less sad and lonely. That's all." It came out softly and tentatively.
Nodding in acknowledgement, he found himself biting his lip as she listed off what she saw as his better qualities. "I don't know if any of that's true." His voice was guilty, and he found his foot tapping anxiously against the ground. "And even if it is, I'm also needlessly cruel, terribly thoughtless, mentally unstable, and prone to shutting myself off from people and lashing out at them and driving them away when I need them most." His eyes were more filled with tears and he dashed the back of his hands against them almost angrily.
"And I don't think I'll ever get better. Not completely." Looking away from her, he squeezed his eyes shut. "So I guess I just don't want to...put the people I care about through all my moods and my tantrums."
look at how a single candle can both
defy and define the darkness
