From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
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The emotions he could feel through the bond were far from pleasant. Chewing on his lip, Oliver nodded and made one final comment on the subject. "I'll have to see then, but for now I will not stress it." That only seemed like the option and hopefully it would be good enough to help Loren to finally calm down.
There was a light shrug and Oliver tried to think of something that was, well, convincing. "Just a lot of stuff. Nothing big," That was probably the least convincing thing he could ever say. There wasn't much to say, a lot of the shit going through his head wasn't explainable, but it also didn't help that he was still mentally recovering from having his skin pierced by icicles.
A dark blush covered his cheeks and he looked away, ashamed and embarrassed. "I mean... I guess that's all it was." He noticed the shift in tone of Loren's voice. Once more, he had fucked up and hurt his friend, great job Oliver. You really are a dumb piece of shit. "I have a lot to learn in that case." There was a forced smile on his face as he turned to look at Loren once more, accepting now that he truly couldn't read people. Which...sucked.
It sucked even more when the topic of Harper got so intense. Worries of misreading people had become apparent. Had he truly misinterpreted Harper's way towards him? Was the guy just nice or did he actually have some sort of faint attraction? "I mean... I do..." Once more he chewed on his lip, his eyes skating away. This wasn't exactly the easiest thing to talk about, especially after bringing up Amun. Why the fuck would Harper want to date a dude who couldn't even read another person? No wonder why Amun hated him, he really was a guy who spoke too much, got too excited, and misinterpreted everything.
Finishing off his cider, he placed the mug a bit away from him. "I'd say they were made of wood, yeah, but I think they were also made of other stuff too? And a lot of times they came in regularly. Almost always they'd come in the morning and leave once they were unloaded or had the goods loaded on."
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
Loren let out a huff of laughter at Oliver's pathetic attempt at deflection and downplaying his woes. "Uh huh." Sipping the cider, the healer raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to one side. "Why don't you talk to me about it? Even if it's little." His voice came out politely, but the offer was genuine enough.
"If you want to learn, you've got to examine why you felt that way in the first place." Tilting his head to one side, he studied the other hybrid's features. "What made you think Amun was flirting with you, specifically, as opposed to being flirty in general?" The Launceleyn's tone had grown slightly more intrigued as the conversation went on.
Nodding, he smiled faintly. "So you're attracted to him. What're you going to do about it?" Moving back to the cauldron, he refilled his cider from it, then blew on it to cool it.
As the other man spoke further on his memories, Loren's brow furrowed in concentration. "What other stuff? Can you describe it to me? And were the ships that came in the morning the same ones that left in the evening the night before? Or did their trips take longer than that?"
A verbal groan left Oliver and he took a bite of his food, holding up a finger to show that he needed a moment. Might as well enjoy himself before he started being way too open. Once he was done with that, he leaned back and presented himself as normal once more. "I mean. I have a wooden dick. That's a major confidence booster, if you ask me. As well, everything is going to shit! I am absolutely terrified about the prospect of what's going to happen. Something bad is going to happen and I am terrified of what it's going to be." Once his ramble was done, Oliver felt free enough to dig into his food, enjoying himself once more and waiting to hear what Loren had to say about his worries and woes.
Unfortunately for Oliver, he knew exactly why he had fallen for Amun... or he could make a large assumption on why. His hand went to rub at his neck, his eyes averting far away. "I mean... I kind of said why I fell for him and why I thought he wanted more... he bit me. I was out in the marketplace and he called me out, made me feel so wanted and just incredible... and then after that he just kept talking to me and looking at me the same way he had before." His face grows darker and darker as he speaks, steadily growing quieter. It's shameful. Loren must look at him and think of him as so many bad things.
As Loren went to refill his cider, Oliver was tempted to join him, to use it as an excuse to not answer the question just yet. However, that would only really delay it. "Honestly? No idea. I don't want to make him uncomfortable and I mean... what if he doesn't feel that way towards me? And then I ruin our friendship?" That was an absolutely massive worry. Oliver couldn't lose Harper, the man was too kind and sweet. To lose his friend because he couldn't handle his horniness? Honestly, embarrassing.
Tapping his foot, Oliver thought for a moment. The visuals were partial and the specific words had long been lost. "Okay... these ships were big most of the time. I think they would come on a schedule. None came daily, but some came twice a week, others would come the same day each week or every other week." That was only part of the answer and hardly even addressed everything that he was thinking about. "They came in either super late at night or super early in the morning. They'd leave by the afternoon, yeah. Some would unload and some would take on stuff, typically do both honestly." His nodded as he thought over his words, now staring at the table without even realizing it. That sounded about right and it addressed the mental image his mind had created.
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
As Oliver explained what was wrong in his life, Loren raised his eyebrows. "I'm sorry. That sounds like a lot." Taking a sip of the cider, he sighed. "Try not to let fear prevent you from enjoying the parts of life you can, though." The words were quiet, and he couldn't meet the other hybrid's eyes.
Frowning slightly, the healer finally looked up. "Let me get this straight. He acted flirty, and you two fooled around. Then he acted flirty again, but gave you no indication that he wanted to fool around again?" He tilted his head to one side. "Did you see him flirting with anyone else?"
Gulping the cider, he shrugged at the other man's question. "If Harper is as kind as you say, he'll let you down gently. And that way at least you'll know." Loren's tone was soft and gentle.
His brow furrowed as the other man explained further. "Was the town large? And were there people checking the shipments that came in and out? Guards and port masters and the like?"
Now that the worries have been expelled and Loren knew... Oliver felt guilty. He had done nothing but make this entire conversation depressing. Why couldn't they just talk about happy things? Positive ideas that were upbeat and hopeful. The exact opposite of fear. "Trust me, I'm still trying... I really want to find something fun to do with my life. A thing to dedicate myself to so that I can help others." He really just wanted to help others and be meaningful and important. Right now? He wasn't.
Ah yes. Loren pointed out the exact opposite. Staring down at the cup of cider, Oliver now was the one avoiding eye contact. "Well.... yes, he was flirty with everyone else, but he and I did something... and I honestly would've brushed it aside if.... if he hadn't drank from someone and fooled around and had me sit there as a witness." The words weren't quite right, so it was clear that Oliver had never mentioned this. It was mortifying when Oliver thought about it and really, he didn't like bringing it up, but it was necessary context. It made Oliver even more confused and made him think that Amun still wanted to do stuff, but really? It was nothing. "He knew I liked him..." Seeing as Amun called him annoying and clingy... yeah, he absolutely knew.
"I really hope that it wont be that scary... Bas told me to just kiss him, but that feels so wrong and invasive." Even though he absolutely wanted to do that, it simply wasn't a feasible option. "I really want to do something... and I mean, I think I will... just comes down to figuring out what that something is." There were too many options and based on what Oliver said about Amun, it should be clear that he has very little experience with romance. At the very least, he has never once mentioned any past experiences with romance.
Craning his neck to the side, he let out a thoughtful hum before looking back at Loren. "I think it was large? The port was large. It was super well run and it seemed like everyone knew what they were doing. The mornings were an organized chaos. And yeah, they had people checking over stuff and guards up to make sure nothing went wrong. Isn't that a normal thing?"
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
Loren sighed, a took a long pull of his cider. Then he gave Oliver a sad smile. "If you live your life for others, you'll never be happy." The words came out quietly, and the healer's eyes were haunted and distant.
However, he raised an eyebrow as his fellow hybrid explained a little more about what had happened with Amun. "And how do you know he hasn't been with anyone else?" Then a confused expression crossed the Launceleyn's features. "Wait, what happened? You're going to need to explain that in a lot more details."
Thankfully, Oliver seemed much calmer discussing Harper, so Loren just took a sip of his cider. He had to let out a huff of laughter at the advice the other hybrid had been given. "I like kissing as much as the next person, but I wouldn't just go kiss someone without permission." The healer tilted his head to one side. "Just talk to him." It came out without a hint of doubt.
Shaking his head, he smiled faintly. "Clearly you haven't been to Torchline." The words came out wryly.
Loren's words were kind, but also unhelpful. Oliver knew that he was useless because he hadn't done anything to help anyone. Unlike pretty much everyone else in the Grounds, he hadn't done a single thing to be important or meaningful, not once making a lasting impression or proving to be worth saving. "But if you live a life for others, won't you be helpful in the end?" Loren had been so helpful and kind to everyone. He had given Oliver a place to stay and had established himself as a friend... but then again, he didn't ever seem to be happy with that. "How can you meet the balance? Of you know, helping others but also being happy?" Loren seemed to have finally taken a grasp of this, so hopefully he'd be able to guide Oliver in the right direction seeing as he was neither helpful nor completely happy anymore.
There is a light shrug and Oliver leaves it at that. He can't answer it because he knows the answer is a stupid one: he doesn't know. There is no way that he can for sure know that Amun hasn't been with others. "Sorry if this is too much information... but back during LongNight, he and someone who I won't name out of respect came up with me. They flirted with me and each other, I tried flirting back, but... the man who won't be named basically told me that Amun was his- and Amun drank from him- while having me sit there and watch... and... yeah." It was hard to explain and the entire time, Oliver didn't look at Loren's face, clearly struggling to really speak about this. His face was beet red and his voice soft, reflecting how vulnerable he felt. "It's stupid, I know... and trust me, I won't be making the same mistake again. I won't be having any one-offs any time soon with my condition, but if it does happen? That's all it is." It hurt to say that, to know that he probably wouldn't have anything more than that. Until he actually served a purpose in their society, all he would be was that kid who doesn't understand how romance and relationships worked. Pitiful, really.
Harper wasn't going to be like Amun, absolutely, but what if Harper found out? Learned how terrible Oliver was with romance and that he was incapable of understanding it? It'd be embarrassing and detrimental. "I'll try. Just... gotta find the right time and right way to say it." And honestly? Oliver would probably never find the right time nor ever actually learn how to confess his feelings without being an annoying, weirdo, freak. Great job Oliver, you really do learn nothing from your life lessons.
Finally looking back at Oliver, he let out a playful eyeroll. "Listen, I didn't know if it really was all that common. Just because my old home and this place share one similarity, doesn't mean everywhere else has it. I mean hell, this place has books but apparently, there is no way to quickly print books! You just have to handwrite them!" That was one comparison that really stuck out to him. Things may seem similar on the surface, but they were drastically different when truly examined.
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
Sighing, Loren gulped the rest of the cider. He toyed with the now empty mug as he stared at Oliver with troubled eyes. "Helpful isn't happy. And while you can be both, you'll have to learn to accept that some people can't or won't be helped." Shrugging, the healer scooped another mugful of cider into his cup.
As he listened to his fellow hybrid, the Launceleyn took sips from his drink. When the other man finished, Loren's lips twitched faintly. "Not too much information. LongNight is...people do things they wouldn't normally do." His cheeks flushed a furious crimson and he coughed a bit awkwardly. "Myself included." Taking a long pull from the mug, he gave Oliver a rueful smile.
However, the healer's brow soon furrowed. "Sounds like they were both messing with you. Why didn't you just leave?" His confusion was evident through the bond. "It's good that you won't repeat the same mistakes." Although he tried to give the other hybrid a reassuring nod, the Launceleyn knew it wasn't that successful.
"You do that." This time, his smile, faint as it was, was a bit more successful. He also let out a huff of laughter at the other man's words. "You also have to bind them by hand." Surprisingly enough, Loren spoke in a wry drawl.
Watching as Loren filled up his mug, Oliver slid his own mug over to the man, nodding to him as a way to ask for a refill. Hopefully the man was willing to accept his request and would be willing to get him a bit more to drink. "Trust me, I know not everyone can be helped. Not everyone wants to be helped either... but even then. I'm simply- useless. I mean, look at you. Head Healer. And me... that blonde dude." Oliver shook his head and worked on eating his food, using it as an excuse to keep his mouth occupied for the time being.
It was easy to notice the blush appear on Loren's face, but Oliver didn't push the subject. If Loren wanted to talk about it, great, but otherwise Oliver would leave it at that. And that question- that question. It hurts to answer, but he has to. "I liked the attention... it felt nice to have two guys who showed an interest in me... I can hardly remember the people I had been with before coming here. I don't remember our relationship, just that one existed... and having someone show interest in me helps me to forget about it." It gives him something else to think about and gives him hope that he can continue on without those memories. Embarrassing as it may be, Oliver just craved the attention and affection of those two men, even when they were both clearly using him.
"I am happy with this, though. What I am now... and if I find someone? Great. I won't let myself get overly attached emotionally." He lets out a shrug and finishes off his food contently. There wasn't much to do or say on the subject. As long as this attitude was kept up, all would surely be well.
The topic of books seemed to light a fire inside of Oliver. "See? Annoying! I am not saying people should stop writing books, absolutely not, but we should make them more accessible! But oh, Jigano, he says that no. People are illiterate, so why make books publicly accessible? It's fucking stupid." Oliver was clearly bothered by that sentiment. It was a toxic way to live your life. People should search for improvement, not stay in the past and refuse change.
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
Loren raised his eyebrows at the aggrieved tone in Oliver's voice and the bitter words. As the healer filled his fellow hybrid's mug, he sighed. "So what have you tried recently?" The question came out quietly, and when the Launceleyn held out the other man's mug, Loren gave Oliver an expectant look.
"There will be people who want to spend time with you. But yes, attention is nice." The healer rubbed the back of his head a bit sheepishly. "Especially during LongNight. I uh, had a threesome with Sunjata and Lusea. And then immediately slept with Abasi right after." Letting out an awkward laugh, he took a long drink from his mug.
Then he toasted his fellow hybrid's proclamation. "That's the spirit. To something casual." The Launceleyn took another generous sip of the cider.
As the other man complained about how slow making books was, Loren tapped a finger against his cup thoughtfully. "Who cares what Jigano thinks? More books would make it easier to teach people to read. I say go ahead and make this faster process you know about happen." He shrugged.
Pulling the mug in close, the blonde took a sip before shrugging and setting the drink down. "The usual. I help out as much as I can, I've also been trying to learn how to train better. You saw how well that went, still skinny as a rail and also lacking any useful muscles." So while he has learned a lot better, he still suffers greatly. It seems that he's losing process rather than gaining it, at times. "I guess I just- I don't know... should I find myself a proper job? Not just running the manor in your place- an actual job. One where I can help multiple people and make a name for myself." There weren't many careers open, but there had to be something left for him to do.
There were two things that Oliver found out about: And one was absolutely bullshit. Now, he could easily assume that Loren and Abasi played around during LongtNight- when else did the two get together? But Sunjata?! "Okay, I can believe you and Abasi- but Sunjata? Really Loren?" Oliver laughed and shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "Listen, if you're gonna try and prank me or try and trick me, pick a guy who hasn't explicitly told me that he's only into women and that back where he comes from, he hadn't even heard of homosexuality being a thing." Loren could've said anyone else and Oliver probably would've believed it. Jigano? Sure, why not. Bastien? Yeah, probably. Deimos? Eh... but the dude does seem a little bicurious. But Sunjata?! Laughable, really.
With a lift of his glass, Oliver toasted to Loren. "I may have zero action, but whenever the time comes, you bet your ass I'm down for casuals." Oh and speaking of casuals- should he mention the tiny little thing that almost happened? "Hey, do you remember when I mentioned the whole: I almost got killed in Torchline thing? Wanna hear the other thing that happened during that interaction?" Might as well mention the whole thing. Who knows, maybe Loren would be able to have a laugh about it.
Now, Oliver didn't actually know how making lots of books worked, but he had some ideas. "That's... the hard part." He laughed nervously and tapped his fingers on the table. "You see, I remember it being a thing- but I cant necessarily remember the process, but I have ideas! Maybe we could have like...stamps? Like you know how letters have a wax seal? Those can have a picture, right? So shouldn't we be able to do the same thing with words? Maybe not wax, but instead a paint?" Oliver's mind was clicking into ways that he's hardly shown Loren before. A side that was unique- and possibly gave clues into who he once was.
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
Loren shrugged and took a sip from his mug. "Gotta be patient. Besides, muscles aren't everything." Flexing, he gave Oliver a slightly smug smile. "Some people have other assets." There was something lightly teasing about the healer's tone.
Nodding slowly, he spun the mug between his palms. "What kind of job appeals to you?" Tilting his head to one side, he regarded his fellow hybrid with an appraising look.
Letting out a huff of laughter, the Launceleyn shook his head. "Believe what you like." It was clear from his tone that he wasn't bothered by the other man's disbelief.
Taking another long pull from the mug, Loren leaned forward and closed the distance between himself and Oliver. "I'm looking forward to it." The words came out in a whisper. However, the healer rocked back on his heels at his fellow hybrid's next statement. "Sure."
Pressing his lips together the Launceleyn eventually sighed. "I have no idea what you're talking about." His confusion was evident.
03-21-2020, 01:42 AM (This post was last modified: 03-21-2020, 01:58 AM by Oliver.)
OLIVER
With a playful roll of his eyes, Oliver shakes his head. "You and I both know I didn't mean appearance wise, but thank you," Just for that, he threw in a wink at the very end before continuing on with the actual topic at hand. "I am weak as hell, though... and man is it embarrassing. I wish I was stronger... but I know I'll just have to keep trying. Maybe someday I'll be strong enough to take you on in a fight properly." That'd be the day where he finally beat Loren in a fight fair and square.
Lifting the mug up to his lips, Oliver took a swig of the cider before letting out a contemplative hum. With the mug in his hands, Oliver's fingertips tapped against it. "I mean... honestly? A lot of stuff. I love art, but I want to do something more with it. Make something that can be used- like- maybe make jewelry? I don't know... that's not very practical, unfortunately." He needed to do something practical and, well, important. Something useful that could create a positive change for Caido.
That's it? With wide eyes, Oliver leaned forward. "You aren't going to fight me on this? No details or anything? You cant just start a story and tell me nothing! Even if I don't believe it's true, I wanna hear the whole thing!" Oliver was mostly upset that he won so fast. What's the fun in that?
Raising his eyebrows a couple of times in a waggling motion, Oliver leaned forward a bit too. "Does that mean you'd still be interested in seeing the party? I mean, not for me, of course... but I'm sure Bastien would be happy if you came." Oliver mostly just wanted credit for inviting someone to the party seeing as it'd show Bastien how much of an amazing guildmember he was. Or something. But- onto more important things- like the story.
"I did forget to mention this- but kinda around the idea of casual sex- so before the guy you know, tried to drown me, he also talked about selling me off to a brothel. Ya know. Fun stuff." Now that Oliver said it.... it really wasn't all that funny. Maybe he was just trying to handle trauma in a very unhealthy way? Nahhhh. "So uh... I guess just... be careful in torchline? I don't know- I forgot that the story was shitty. Fuck." Oliver took a deep swig of the cider, clearly unhappy that he had accidentally brought up a story that was in all actuality, an unpleasant thing to think about.
Just like Jigano, Loren didn't understand what Oliver meant. Trying to suppress his disappointment, Oliver tapped his foot before looking around him. "Do you have any ink? Or paint? I also need a piece of paper." That way he could just show him, rather than tell him since that didn't work.
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
"We did. But I meant it." Lifting a finger, water rose from a nearby barrel before splashing back down. Raising his eyebrow at Oliver's wink, Loren just took a sip from his cider. "Maybe Looking forward to it." He smiled faintly at his fellow hybrid.
Nodding thoughtfully, the healer pressed his lips together. "What about illustrations? Or carvings for stamps and the like. That's artistic and practical." He shrugged, clearly not certain about his idea.
Letting out a huff of laughter, he tilted his head to one side. "Didn't think you wanted to hear the dirty details." Snorting, he took another sip of the cider. "There's not much to tell. We saw the monster in the Rathskellar, and burned it down. Then we got drunk and well, one thing lead to the other." His voice came out only a little bit embarrassed.
Brow furrowing, he nodded. "I'll be there, don't worry." It came out in a wry drawl.
Eyes narrowing, he rummaged in a nearby draw, pulling out some paper and some charcoal. Without comment, he passed it over to the other man. Then Loren peered closely at the page, curious to see what Oliver would draw.
