DEIMOS
It was not upon her; but more or less the way the earth had treated him, how kingdoms had orchestrated, how loyalties had sunk because of his faults, his flaws, his defects, because he could only go so far, because his reach was tinged and stained with corruption. “Others have.” Experience in the world withdrawing around him too: exhausted in the silence, in the violence, in everything else that pervaded and surrounded his essence, how he refused to break, how he didn’t bow or bend, how he clutched at his grudges and petty footfalls. How many times had he watched a friend, a comrade, an ally, a loved one, walk away? Wouldn’t it be inevitable for her to tire of him too? Wouldn’t he eventually slip, make a mistake, descend straight into Reaper tendencies, and she would see exactly what he was? His eyes fell on the table when she didn’t look at him again, when he either wanted to growl or roar, when more of the overwhelming, suffocating intervals clutched at his spine, at his throat. I don’t want to leave you hung in his ears, spiraled against his mind, because he believed that no matter what he said now, would only lead to it. His mouth set, jaw clenched, eyes staring down at the woodwork on the surface, striving for an inch of control in his shaking fingers and gnarled, scarred structure.
And perhaps that was where he should just listen for a moment – to her own version of bludgeoning, things she thought of as deficiencies, that he knew and still loved her for. He’d never believed her perfect – there was no such thing – because they were all foolish and stupid and tempted, enticed, by a variety of oaths and assurances. She offered those boundaries, those fringes, and he accepted them wholeheartedly. Always had. Always would.
But his were grating and consuming, and he couldn’t look at her when he started to peel them away, one by one. “I attempted to kill anything threatening my lands or people.” Sometimes he was successful; and there, within the attuned bond, he flashed an image straight from his memory, cold, chilling walls, mountain tops and summits, unraveling his deadly enchantments into their soul, watching them drop, watching them perish (and the satisfaction within his heart, within his blackened, withered existence in those moments, in those instances, where he’d unraveled and bludgeoned and destroyed). “I sought to imprison or abduct adversaries. I tortured individuals for information. I planned and plotted invasions just for revenge.” Vengeance, justice, eyes blinking slowly, staring at the expanse of color when everything else felt frozen and gone, like he was writing out his own death warrant. “And I would do them all again, given the right circumstances.”
And perhaps that was where he should just listen for a moment – to her own version of bludgeoning, things she thought of as deficiencies, that he knew and still loved her for. He’d never believed her perfect – there was no such thing – because they were all foolish and stupid and tempted, enticed, by a variety of oaths and assurances. She offered those boundaries, those fringes, and he accepted them wholeheartedly. Always had. Always would.
But his were grating and consuming, and he couldn’t look at her when he started to peel them away, one by one. “I attempted to kill anything threatening my lands or people.” Sometimes he was successful; and there, within the attuned bond, he flashed an image straight from his memory, cold, chilling walls, mountain tops and summits, unraveling his deadly enchantments into their soul, watching them drop, watching them perish (and the satisfaction within his heart, within his blackened, withered existence in those moments, in those instances, where he’d unraveled and bludgeoned and destroyed). “I sought to imprison or abduct adversaries. I tortured individuals for information. I planned and plotted invasions just for revenge.” Vengeance, justice, eyes blinking slowly, staring at the expanse of color when everything else felt frozen and gone, like he was writing out his own death warrant. “And I would do them all again, given the right circumstances.”
i'm in the mood to dissolve in the sky
