DEIMOS
He didn’t know what she found beneath the agony and anguish in his eyes. That he was tired, exhausted, fatigued by it all? That no amount of explanation seemed to matter? That she’d asked, that she’d wanted to know and understand, and when it all warped away, when nothing was so clear, when the crumbling wakes were murky, that she detested it? A portion of him thought to crawl and flicker apart, that there was no way out of the corner she’d put him within, that no amount of explaining would be enough for her. But a curl, a coil, of anger settled in his mind too, to lay himself open to her, and to have it slammed back in his face, piece by piece, shard by shard. He maintained some clamor of calm, of composure, when his stomach seethed and his chest heaved, frustrated, agonized, falling deeper into this hole, into this spiral, into this brandished hell. “My job was to protect my land and people. If I had not, how many others would have been injured or killed? This was not your world. This was not Caido. Should I have laid down and let them destroy everything?” Where people were collected in some bubble, uncertain of what was going on around them, while other realms focused, cut, scraped, and slashed. “We made alliances. We made peace pacts. We made armistices. We tried.” And sometimes it hadn’t been enough – still targets, still legacies of torment, of abductions, of thieves corrupting through the night – the way he’d always been there, for them, taking hits and slashes, bearing those new scars so no one else had to. "But continue to lecture me with your wisdom on war and survival."
He looked at her then, truly looked at her as she peeled away, as she couldn’t even glance at him any longer. Ruined and marred, torn apart from her affection, love, and adoration. “The world is not so black and white. You must understand that, given everything that has happened here.” His tone flattened, his gaze maneuvered back upon the hues, back upon the colors, back upon the fragments that blinded him now. “Have you seen me out here, laying waste to everything around me? I have taken those options. I have learned from those moments.” That he’d changed, altered, assimilated into this kingdom just as he’d done in Helovia. He returned back to her embers, her sharp eyes like coals, stared straight into them and wondered what they’d built all along. Why she deigned to carve him apart, when he’d never done the same to her. What he’d strived to do over and over and over again. How he hadn’t judged her for a moment, and how she continued to pile more and more upon him, as if he hadn’t carried them from the instant his sword swung.
“This is why I say nothing. Because it is so easy for you to forget everything I have done for you and this place.” Quiet steel, iron resolve, uncertain how he could patch or fix this, if he was the only one willing to try. “No, I would not enjoy it.” He paused, swallowed, stared into the abyss, waiting for it to devour him whole. “I am not proud of them.” The Sword's gaze went to the Shield's thereafter, again and again, eyes burdened with a piercing, hovering hurt. Deeper wounds than his enemies had ever mustered. "Do you have so little faith in me?"
He looked at her then, truly looked at her as she peeled away, as she couldn’t even glance at him any longer. Ruined and marred, torn apart from her affection, love, and adoration. “The world is not so black and white. You must understand that, given everything that has happened here.” His tone flattened, his gaze maneuvered back upon the hues, back upon the colors, back upon the fragments that blinded him now. “Have you seen me out here, laying waste to everything around me? I have taken those options. I have learned from those moments.” That he’d changed, altered, assimilated into this kingdom just as he’d done in Helovia. He returned back to her embers, her sharp eyes like coals, stared straight into them and wondered what they’d built all along. Why she deigned to carve him apart, when he’d never done the same to her. What he’d strived to do over and over and over again. How he hadn’t judged her for a moment, and how she continued to pile more and more upon him, as if he hadn’t carried them from the instant his sword swung.
“This is why I say nothing. Because it is so easy for you to forget everything I have done for you and this place.” Quiet steel, iron resolve, uncertain how he could patch or fix this, if he was the only one willing to try. “No, I would not enjoy it.” He paused, swallowed, stared into the abyss, waiting for it to devour him whole. “I am not proud of them.” The Sword's gaze went to the Shield's thereafter, again and again, eyes burdened with a piercing, hovering hurt. Deeper wounds than his enemies had ever mustered. "Do you have so little faith in me?"
i'm in the mood to dissolve in the sky
