In time you'll find, I've got baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

His eyes shuddered, hesitated, but the pale gaze that met his was unflinching. Not fearless, no, but... determined. Setting the cup aside on the floor, Maea turned fully towards Sunjata, and crossed her arms on the bed. Laid her chin down on them, so she was face to face with him. And for once, she was completely serious. Almost grave, as she looked at him.

"I don't expect to like it. But. I have claimed on a few occasions that I want all of you. All of you, Sunjata.

"And I feel... that if I can't face you when you're at your absolute worst, and still keep my head high? Then I don't deserve to have you at all."

Taking a deep breath, she let her gaze drop for a moment. Chewed her lip, to search for words.

"'What you cannot defend, you don't deserve to keep.' It's something my grandfather used to say a lot. And I believe it.

"So I will fight, and earn everything I have, so that no one can say I don't deserve it. Even if I have to fight you, to keep you."

Maea smiled at him then, and there was a glint of steel in her eyes, as they reflected back his gaze. A suggestion of fangs hidden behind her lips, promising to cut back as deep as she was cut. A little eye for an eye, give and take, treat as treated... Because she was like the moon, only reflected back the light offered to her by others. If there was none given... then what would there be to return but cold, hard darkness?

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

He watches her set the cup on the floor, gaze shadowed and dark as she turns to him fully. Her arms cross on the bed, chin resting atop it, and he scans her face only to find the seriousness that sits within it. But he’d been honest, he knows how he can be, and he knows that it can be too much – too overwhelming, too overbearing. Suffocating. The Flood, after all.

His hand wraps around the bottom beam of the cot as he looks to her, jaw clenching as she speaks that she wants to face it, brave the storm, and he thinks that she’s lost it. That she can say it all she wants but when the time comes and it happens, it won’t be the same. She won’t think that. But the comment of her not deserving to have him? Ha, if anything he’s got far more baggage of trouble and bad choices. He’s lucky to have her, to have her accept his shadows and all of it.

She tells him that she’ll even fight him to keep him if it came down to it, and smiles like she truly believes she can. And part of him hopes that she can, hopes that there’s steel in her bones for when he inevitably slips, and with it… Perhaps, perhaps she’s right. That she could handle it, with the steel in her gaze that reflects the mask of his own. Years and years of practice and holding onto the leash of it tightly to keep it from slipping.

His hand lifts then, to tuck her white strands of hair behind her ear, even as tangled and knotted as they were. “Alright.” He says quietly, slowly, taking a deep breath – as deep as he can without the sharpness of pain cutting into his back. “I’ll hold you to it, then.” Another quietly weak smile granted, an attempt at humor again.

The only one that had the temper and words to match had been Lusea. He wonders if Maea can wield as much venom as she had.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

Triumph flashed in her eyes as he gave in, and softened just as quickly when his fingers brushed her hair back. Leaning into the touch, Maea wondered what kind of deal she'd just made... Somehow, it felt like she had let go of the last safety rope. Set herself completely adrift on his sea, with nothing left to fall back on, should the storms begin to rage. This was what she wanted, right? What she needed, what she had to do, to be happy. Right?

"I won't let you down," she quipped back, cutting through her own doubts before they could show in her eyes. "That said, I'm only going to fight you if you pick one with me. If you're angry at anyone else, have at them." There were only so many battles she could face and hope to come out of alive, after all.

She leaned in to kiss his forehead, then turned back to the mug. This time, the contents had cooled enough not to be scalding. Maea offered it to Sunjata. "Here. Try to drink all of it, if you can. It will taste horrible, but it's good for you." Again, there was conviction in her, deeply rooted belief that this concoction would indeed work.

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

She tells him she won’t let him down, and he snorts to it – settling and watching her as she says she’ll only fight back if he picks one with her. And he nods to that, understands, and wonders when he’ll slip and start that fight. “I told you that I end up pushing people away.” He begins with a quiet sigh, gaze drifting from her though his fingers remain on her skin briefly. “If I get like that, I’ll get over it. Just don’t leave… At least not permanently, please.” There seems to be an unspoken gleam to his eye that says ’provided I don’t majorly fuck up’.

She leans in and kisses his forehead before focusing on the mug again, lifting it to him to offer the contents. And he wonders, how in this position he’ll be able to drink it. After a moments consideration, he nods – bracing his forearms on the cot and pushing himself upward again with another few Korofi curses slurred under his voice. He pushes a bit more, wincing against the movement. “Bliksem!” A hiss, before he manages to settle enough.

He reaches for the cup, eyes it almost warily, the smell alone is enough to ward him off of it. But if it helps… Well, he tries to cut off his senses. He tries to pretend its like the alcohol of Halo, or medicine back home, trying to get into the mental mindset of swallowing it all in one go and not having to deal with it again after that. He inhales deeply, shoots her a glance as if to say ‘here goes nothing’, and lifts the cup to his lips and drinks it all down as if it were a shot of alcohol.

He still winces as he lowers the cup, face crunching up with the distaste of it.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

She thought to argue with him there. Say she wouldn't, make more promises, more vows that she wouldn't leave him at all... but thought better of it. Sunjata did not seem in the right mindset to hear it, and to be perfectly honest... perhaps Maea might find one day that walking away would be the only solution. Even if only temporarily. Even if to let him see how serious she was. Here, today, right now, it seemed impossible that she might ever be pushed to that point. But it was a back door that perhaps should not be locked just yet.

So she nodded, touched his lips with two fingers, and then her own, before bringing them back to his, in an odd little gesture that seemed oddly reverent. "It's a bargain," she said softly, leaning in to plant that kiss to his forehead.

Then... there was the medicine. The tea. The awful, stomach-churning brew that smelled like hell and tasted even worse. "There's a brave man, if I ever saw one," she murmured in loving awe as Sunjata downed the whole thing. When he grimaced and looked about ready to pass from the taste alone, Maea leaned in again to kiss his lips, offer what solace she could. Or at least share in his misery - it did taste awful.

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

It wasn’t a promise of never leaving… Just not during that time. Not during the time where he’d be hurting the most, trying to push her away. He never wants to be successful, wants to have the ability to clear his head and then talk it out, talk it over. But… He supposes, they’ll come to that point when they get there.

And she makes a bargain with it anyway, though Sunjata’s never been particularly good at keeping promises himself. He kisses her fingers lightly to keep the bargain, before he settles and lifts himself onto his elbows, cursing and cussing and finally downing the drink with a grimace and a twist of his face. Sighing, he hands his head between his shoulders, rolling the cup through his hands as she murmurs, turning to look at her then.

Her kiss is far sweeter, far more appreciative than the taste lingering in his mouth and on his tongue – and he kisses her back gently, not trying to share too much of it, aiming to plant a softer kiss to her cheek. “I don’t want to drink it again.” He says with a soft breath, hinting at a jest though he can’t laugh about it without the pain erupting again. “But if you’re feeling like punishing yourself you can make yourself a cup too.” A wink as he withdraws a small amount.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

"Good thing, too, because you don't get more," she said, amused. "And yes... it'll be my turn too." Maea didn't really need the draught, but prepared a smaller dose for herself anyway. For solidarity and love. Half the size, for her smaller body... and this time she cheated, used magic to cool it enough to drink. The herbs wouldn't be as potent, but more than enough to knock her out.

She wasn't quite as adept at swallowing as he had been. Maea drank, gagged, forced herself to continue, and finally got it all down with a deep, disgusted shudder. It was the kind of taste that would linger for days.

"There. Now we are both drugged halfway to Rae. If anything happens, we're in it together." Careful as could be, she got back into the bed with him. Settled by his side, and arranged the blankets.  Then sighed long and deep, trying to relax.

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

A softer laugh leaves him as he focuses on her, how he wouldn’t get more. And he silently thanks Safrin for that small mercy, gaze following her form as she makes her own tea. And she downs it, struggles far more than he did, and a ghost of a smile crosses along his face. “There, there.” He rumbles to her, feeling the tea begin to work.

“Hopefully nothing happens.” He murmurs softly, already feeling the pain of his stomach begin to dissipate, mind growing hazy and fuzzy as he lowers himself again when she joins him in the cot. He even manages to turn himself a small amount, to drape an arm over her and hold her close.

Humming softly beneath his breath, he rests his head beside hers, lips pressing against her forehead. “Sleep well, liefde.” He hums trying to settle in as well, trying to get comfortable as it becomes easier and easier as the tea settles within him.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

Humming contentedly, she nestled into his arm and found a good spot to rest her head. Felt the warmth of his body and the blankets seep through her, finally chasing off the cold. She was so very tired. Emotionally, as much as physically. Today had been rough... in many ways. But it was over, and they were alive. Maea couldn't ask for more.

"You too, love."

And it wouldn't take long before they were asleep. Longer, before the sun woke them, and they found out where they were, how to get home. How badly they had been hurt by all this.

It would have to wait though. Maea drifted off. And dreamed not at all.

-------
- FIN

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep