you say you're okay, you're faking

i bank on the funeral

“Oh no, whatever would we do?” He teases the summoner back, a playful smirk crossing his face paired with the amusement Loren sends. And after that, he focuses on the water, on telling Loren that people are happy and healthy which Loren begins to shift to a darker topic. Luckily for the summoner, Sunjata knows that train of thought full well, and he shrugs his tattooed shoulders to that.

“Well then they’re missing out on being healed at the end of the day. And that’s not your fault, just their stupid Halovian pride.” Shrugging again, Sunjata offers him a smaller smile. “I’ve noticed, though. Mine get that way too so it’s about the same as preaching to the choir.” He hums a quieter laugh to that, trying to lighten the mood at the end of the day.

'cause i learned all my lessons that way

SUNJATA

there's a fire starting in my heart

reaching a fever pitch

Letting out a huff of laughter at Sunjata’s comment, Loren shrugged. ”If past experience is any indication, probably punch someone.” It came out in a grumble, but his eyes had crinkled slightly with amusement.

Sighing, he scratched the back of his head. ”Or maybe it means people don’t trust me because they think I got the job through nepotism. Which...I kind of did.” The admission came out more sharply than he’d intended and he pressed his lips together.

Examining the bartender, the healer’s fingers tapped anxiously on the ground. ”I wish mine wouldn’t.” Then his mouth twisted into a caricature of a smile. ”But do you hate it as much as I do when people tell you to just wait for things to start to feel better?” There was a rueful edge to the question.

and it's bringing me out the dark

LOREN

i bank on the funeral

“I do love punching people.” Sunjata comments with a slight smirk, brushing it off to focus on what Loren says next. The summoner sighs, and Sunjata leans back in the sand a bit more, huffing a quiet laugh to the sharp admission that Loren gives him. “So? They’re going to hate anyone that’s not them. They’re going to hate my bar when I put it in.” His gaze flits over to Loren. “So you need to find a Halovian that likes you and convince them. That’s how I plan to make the bar work. That and actually decent alcohol.” A rise and fall of his shoulders.

“Neron’s the one that owes me a favor, anyway.” His brow raises and a sly smirk crosses his face, waiting to see what Loren thinks of that.

At the mention of dark thoughts, however, Sunjata shrugs lightly once more. “I’ve learned to block it out.” He offers quietly. “Everyone’s gonna tell you how to live your life as if they know better than you do. But it’s not their life, is it? So fuck it.”

'cause i learned all my lessons that way

SUNJATA

there's a fire starting in my heart

reaching a fever pitch

Loren smirked at Sunjata's comments. "I'm aware." Shrugging, the healer waved a hand vaguely in the air. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me, so long as you don't go around telling anyone I like punching people too. My family would never let me hear the end of it." He was clearly joking.

Rolling his eyes, he nevertheless nodded at the bartender's observation. "Working on it. But you're wrong." The Launceleyn gave the other man a sly look. "I just have to be less onerous than Zariah." Unsurprisingly, Loren didn't sound worried about that.

His eyes narrowed as Sunjata spoke of opening a bar. "Neat trick, getting a favor from my brother. How'd you do it?" The healer's voice was genuinely curious. "And which Halovian do you have in your pocket?" Again, he was actually interested in hearing the answer.

Rubbing his hand against his thigh, he sighed at the other man's advice. "Even if that hurts them?" The Launceleyn's voice and mind were both uncertain.

and it's bringing me out the dark

LOREN

i bank on the funeral

A huff of amusement leaves him, pulsing through the bond as well as he focuses on the water. Loren’s secret is safe with him too, however, not like it was one to begin with. But he’d play along at the very least. So instead, he listens to Loren’s reply about the bar and gaining the Halovian’s trust. “That doesn’t sound difficult.” He comments about being different from Zariah.

But the mention of Neron’s favor has Sunjata actually chuckling. “I gave him a basket for the Longheat tradition and asked for a favor in return.” He winks to the summoner. “That and whatever alcohol he wants whenever he visits. Hardly an even favor if you ask me, but I’m not complaining.” The smirk shifts a bit wider at that. “And I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough, but. Weaver’s a friend of mine. She’s going to run it.” Mostly because of his disdain for Halo, and the fact that she’s in his Guild, but he doesn’t say either of those.

He listens to Loren’s question and uncertainty about whether or not the advice would hurt the other people involved, and Sunjata rolls his shoulders again. “It’s not their lives, Loren. Who cares? It’s yours. You make the choice and live with the consequences. That’s it.”

'cause i learned all my lessons that way

SUNJATA

there's a fire starting in my heart

reaching a fever pitch

Snorting, Loren shook his head. "It's not. In fact, it might be the easiest thing I've ever done." Speaking in a wry drawl, he gave Sunjata an almost smugly amused look.

It faded as the bartender revealed how he'd made such a lucrative deal. Sighing, the healer pinched the bridge of his nose. "He's not nearly as clever as he thinks he is." There was a sort of weary affection and resignation in his voice.

Lowering his hand, the corner of his lips twitched when the other man mentioned Weaver. "I know her. I didn't realize she was a friend of yours." The Launceleyn's voice was quiet, though his eyes had narrowed slightly at the mention of the huntress.

"I care." It came out softly. "I care if what I do and say hurts them, even if it's not enough to stop me from hurting them to begin with." He shrugged. "Maybe you think that's wrong and maybe it is but...I don't know how to stop caring."

and it's bringing me out the dark

LOREN

i bank on the funeral

A smirk is given to Loren at the Zariah comment, finding it surprisingly accurate despite the smug look he receives. And when Loren sighs in response to the deal Sunjata had made with Neron, he can’t help the slight grin that forms on his face from it. “I was amused by it.” Sunjata agrees softly, smile widening ever so slightly.

The topic of Weaver, however, is somewhat safer. And Sunjata nods to that. “She is.” An easy response, an easy shrug. Not sure what else to say other than that. Maea knew, now Loren knew. It wasn’t particularly a secret, not when he’d waved to the huntress when he’d arrived at the Midnight Gathering.

But when Loren tells him that he does care about what he says and does, and Sunjata finds himself frowning slightly with a small shrug. “I don’t think it’s wrong. I just think I’m past the point where I care anymore.” He offers, not unkindly, but more of an observation. “I’ve hurt a lot of people and a lot of people don’t like me. And its fine. At the end of the day it is what it is. Mistakes were made and things happened and I regret them and move on and try to do better.” His gaze flits over to Loren with a tilt of his head. “So you can either try to be mindful and walk on glass around everyone or just try to be better next time.”

'cause i learned all my lessons that way

SUNJATA

there's a fire starting in my heart

reaching a fever pitch

Loren let out a huff of laughter, though he also narrowed his eyes at Sunjata. "I suppose I should give you fair warning that if you mess with my twin I will beat you up again." Wagging a playful finger, the healer smirked. "Then I'll take you out for a drink to thank you."

As signs of teasing fled as they spoke on how best to make up for their many mistakes. He found himself rubbing his hands together as the bartender gave more advice. "Or I can try to do both." However, from the Launceleyn's voice and his unsettled mind it was clear he didn't really believe that was a possibility.

and it's bringing me out the dark

LOREN

i bank on the funeral

At Loren’s teasing threat, Sunjata huffs a quiet laugh to that. “Oh, no. Absolutely not.” He offers with a slight smirk and a shake of his head. “I’ll always take you up on the drink though, you know that.” He teases the Launceleyn with a wink, before settling a bit more in the sands, the amusement fading for the conversation as it shifts a darker and more meaningful edge.

“You could do that.” Sunjata rumbles, reaching to pat Haai on her head and then to grasp for some sand to run through his fingers. “Just be sure to take time for yourself. It’s exhausting playing two sides.” An honest answer as he frowns a small amount, letting the sand flit between both fingers. “Maybe you have more conviction than I do, though. You might be good at it.” He glances over to Loren with a small shrug.

'cause i learned all my lessons that way

SUNJATA

there's a fire starting in my heart

reaching a fever pitch

Smirking a bit, Loren waved a hand and made the waters of the pool leap into the air momentarily. "Need me to remind you that you don't have much choice in the matter?" Still, he was teasing Sunjata, and sent a pulse of amusement to the other man.

It shifted to embarrassment as the bartender brought up drinking together. "Unfortunately, I'm supposed to cut back on the alcohol." The healer rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

Sighing, he took a deep breath as he stroked Astra's fur absently, the luxere having returned to his side. "Good thing I don't sleep. Leaves me plenty of time." It was a weak and failed attempt at humor. Shrugging at the other man's comment about the Launceleyn being able to be conscientious and a better person, he shook his head. "I doubt it." And Sunjata would be able to tell from Loren's tone and his mind that he really didn't believe there was much hope on that front.

and it's bringing me out the dark

LOREN

i bank on the funeral

A shake of his head is all Loren gets in response to the reminder. He’s good, he doesn’t need one. Not with the scars already still so fresh in his mind. But the comment of a drink has Sunjata offering a slight pulse of apology through the attuned bond, having forgotten that little tidbit of information that Maea had required of the Launceleyn. “Right, sorry.” He offers a bit quietly.

But when Loren comments he doesn’t sleep, Sunjata finds a slight frown crossing his face to that – reaching up to try and clasp the other man on the shoulder, sitting a bit more upright in the sand. “For what it’s worth, Loren, I do think you’re a good person.” He shrugs. “But it’s hard to see it that way. Not with what everyone else has told you the entire time. I get it. I do.” That's one thing they absolutely had in common at the very least.

'cause i learned all my lessons that way

SUNJATA

there's a fire starting in my heart

reaching a fever pitch

Loren waved away Sunjata's apology. "No worries." Letting out a huff of laughter, the healer gave the bartender a chagrined smile. "I've always had a pretty shitty attitude when I'm drunk." The Launceleyn own tone was contrite, considering what he'd done to the other man under the influence of alcohol.

As Sunjata reached over to Loren's shoulder, he sighed. "Thanks." Kicking idly at the water, he sighed. "It's...not even that I think I'm a bad person, objectively. It's just people keep fucking expecting things from me that I can't give them, and then get mad when I warn them about it and it turns out I was right all along." His hands clenched into fists. "They say it doesn't absolve me and that I'm not trying hard enough or I don't care."

and it's bringing me out the dark

LOREN

i bank on the funeral

“It’s so easy to slip into.” Sunjata offers with a quiet shrug – having been guilty of it time and time again. He’ll soon find he’ll delve into it once more as well with Maea, an unintentional consequence of too much alcohol and too deep of truths. But they aren’t there yet, and so he simply listens when he reaches out for Loren’s shoulder, nodding along to the thanks in lieu of a ‘you’re welcome’.

And he remains silent for a time when Loren explains the reasoning behind it – enough of a familiarity to Sunjata that he can’t help the slight combination of a smirk and a grimace that cascades over his face. “So don’t let them change you.” Sunjata shrugs to that, pulling his hand back to run through his hair. “Everyone in my life has tried to push me into this box of expectations, and when I tell them that it’s not going to work they never understand it. And then I fuck up, and then it’s my fault.” He levels his gaze with Loren then, shrugging once more. “You can warn them all you like, but in the end it does nothing if they’re not willing to see the attempts you’ve made.”

'cause i learned all my lessons that way

SUNJATA

there's a fire starting in my heart

reaching a fever pitch

Sighing, Loren rubbed his temples. "That doesn't make it okay." He found he couldn't quite meet Sunjata's eyes.

However, the healer found himself shaking his head at the bartender's words. "Right but...I do care about them. That's the problem." The Launceleyn found his hands clenching into fists. "I care about them enough to at least try for a while, and then I inevitably make a mistake. And...I'm always sorry about it."

Shrugging, he moved forward, dipping more of his legs into the water. "But sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have to apologize. Well, no, I mean, I should apologize, but everyone makes mistakes, and somehow mine feel like they're judged more harshly than others. Or that others are forgiven more easily than I am." He spread his hands a bit helplessly, clearly struggling to find the right words.

and it's bringing me out the dark

LOREN