It's just the trauma talking

ashe They may say, "You're too small, you're too young to do it all," But you're a giant on the inside. They may say, "It's not enough, leave your dreams collecting dust," But there's a fire that you can't hide. "Yes, Soot," she had replied, sounding quite pleased with herself. "He's got a thing for wine." Her eyes followed him when he sat, when he registered her statement. If knowing Ronin would be a father was enough to make her smile, seeing the dazzling grin as he confirmed it warmed her from the top of her head to her toes. "Fatherhood suits you already Ro," she said. Her smile tamed as he went on, then wavered.. then fell. Yes, she had been pretty hard to find for some time. Ashe dropped her eyes down to where Ronin had placed his hand over hers, brows drawn together. She had seen Alistair on the bone bridge too. Had seen him with that other woman - a fucking gorgeous woman. Ashe could see the scars of her small hands peaking out from under her friend's. She cleared her throat. "Yeah," she murmured roughly without looking up. Her voice was tight, and she was angry at how suddenly she felt she would cry. "I uh.. he.. he did what he had to. I fucked up too many times." Her gut twisted. She had run away into the night with her night terrors one too many times. He'd been upset about the training she'd been doing, but she hadn't been hiding it from him.. Idiot girl. She looked back up with firelight glistened in her misted eyes, but she forced the tears down, down, down, until they were smothered entirely. The assassin shook her head and raised her free hand to idly coax Soot from behind her shoulder, stroking a finger over his fuzzy body. "It doesn't matter what I need," she went on and forced a tight-lipped smile. She managed to get the stumbling spider into her hand and placed him gently on the table. "He's free of me and happy. That's what matters." She tried not to think about the way it felt when he handed her soul back to her, when he validated the twisted blackness of it with his words. She didn't want to think about how she had once thought she might be capable of making him happy. Of making anyone happy. Ashe had to bite her lip to stop the tremble that just barely started. Ronin didn't need this, didn't need to deal with her bullshit. He had a baby on the way, a whole guild to run. The last thing she should be doing is dumping her troubles on him. She did enough damage to peoples' lives, and she still hadn't ruled out the idea of vanishing. She looked down and busied herself with uncorking her flask and pulling out the small scrap of leather she often used for her spider, pouring a small puddle of wine and leaving it for Soot. He scuttled for it on spindly legs and lowered himself over it silently while Ashe took a long drink from it herself. She turned her gaze back to Ronin and wiped her lips. "Don't worry about me, yeah?" she told him. She took another short drink from her wine before she held the flask out in offering to Ronin. "I want to hear what you've been up to. You're the leader of a bounty hunter's guild now I hear - you've been busy." She glanced about at the guildhall before settling her eyes back on Ronin.