In time you'll find, I've got baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

The tone he used, the anguish and rage, it was so difficult to listen to. Maea wished she knew what he was dreaming of. Glad she couldn't see what he saw, if it evoked these kinds of feelings. His tales from the past did give her an inkling though. Because the only two people he had ever backed away from, ever bowed to, had been his father, and Phoebe. And when he switched to Korofi, when his languages blended and became an unintelligeble mess, Maea thought she understood.

Still she held him, even as the thrashing became worse. Wiped the tears from his cheeks, and recalled the only other time he'd cried in front of her, that awful night in Halo when everything went to hell.

Then, quite suddenly, he bolted up, sat and seemed quite awake. Maea rose more slowly, pushed herself up to sit beside him. "Sunjata?" Her voice was quiet, cautious... so full of pity for whatever terrors he had seen. Very carefully she tried to drape an arm around him, stomach clenching as the scent of fresh blood filled the air.

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

She drapes her arm over him and the muscles twitch, he flinches somewhat instinctively, still not quite there enough but awake enough to make more fully formed sentences even if the dream still seemed to rampage along his mind, in his lungs, in the way the wounds open again and spark a searing pain through his back. She says his name, and his head hangs a bit more between his hands until they cover his pierced ears.

“You wanted her gone so I could marry Adelheid.” He says through an incredibly rough voice, fingers curling into his hair. “Pretending like none of it happened when it did.” And it had happened for years, a stain you couldn’t simply wipe away and pretend didn’t exist. “It did happen...” He hisses, the pain of his wounds both emotionally and physically causing more tears to slip from his cheeks.

And after a moment, a few long heaves of trying to capture his breath, he opens his eyes and scans the front of the room — realizing where he was, hands uncurling from his hair and face but his fingers tremble. He has not heard Maea, but there’s tension and relief with the sight of the room he finds himself in, with the feathers that sprout down the entirety of his arms, the soft shadow of horns peeking against the wall.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

He didn't hear her, she realized. Wasn't fully awake, not aware. And what he said... it made something awful tighten in her stomach. When she understood what he was talking about.

Lusea.

The pain in his voice made Maea's chest ache, but at the same time she found her lips curling, jealousy a writhing, coiling serpent in her gut. It was far from the first time he spoke of his dead lover, but now the woman was haunting his dreams too? He still thought of her that much?

But... of course he would. It wasn't even half a year since he'd found and lost her again. What did Maea expect? What had she been deluding herself into thinking?

Swallowing the ugly feelings down, she managed to straighten her features into smoothness. When he finally did wake, looking up with feathers erupting from his arms, her arm was still there around his back, and only concern showed in her bleary, sleep-deprived eyes.

"Sunaja, are you okay?" she tried again,

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

He doesn’t realize, doesn’t notice, even when he wakes fully — the pain of his back distracting from the space she’s placed hers around him. And he heaves another breath, unable to place a mask of perfectly fine on when he realized he’s woken her. Her voice reaches him and he shudders slightly, running a hand through his hair, fingers snagging on the horns there.

He wants to tell her yes, but he can’t. And he’s too tired, in too much pain to try and pretend. So he lowers his head again, wipes away his tears, sniffles a small amount as he tries to recover. And in the end? All he can do is be honest with her, like he has been, like he’s always strived to be.

Is he okay? “No.” He says through a raw voice, hands lowering to his neck to rub against the scar there.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

She always valued his honesty. Trusted it, relied on it as the foundation for everything that allowed her to believe in him. But just this once, Maea wished he could have lied. Told her some fib, pretended that the sorrow and grief did not go as deep as it seemed.

But he did not. And she... was not allowed to keep her pretty illusions that she somehow had come to mean more than the woman he loved over four years, now lost. And loved again. And twice lost.

Gods, what a fool she was.

"It's okay. You don't have to be." Maea was surprised to hear how steady and warm her own voice sounded. How steady her hands were as she slowly stroked his back between the wounds and the bandages. She was becoming quite adept at hiding her own emotions tonight... found it not so hard when she could drown them in concern for him.

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

He trembles, burns in other ways than he typically did, and with it he takes a shuddering breath as her steady and warm voice reaches him. That he doesn’t have to be. It seems to reverberate against something ingrained into him, to always be strong, to never show weakness, to never give into the softness that was him because it inevitably meant death.

This place had made him show his weaknesses. And surprisingly, it hadn’t killed him yet.

So he takes another deep breath, reaching up to pinch at his nose, torn between apologizing for gods knew what reason, and trying to get rid of the images behind the backs of his eyelids. “You can go back to sleep... It was just a bad dream.” He says, unable to move from his position until he’s ready to lay back down, to try and keep the bandages from getting rubbed or worn too much, to keep from tearing more of the scabs away from the wounds and create more bleeding.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

Focusing on him did more to quell her jealousy than just... keep it under lock and key. It made it melt away for now, under the weight of seeing him this shook. It was a rare thing, and it made the girl realize that perhaps it was a bit more than just a nightmare.

"I never slept," she told him, leaning her cheek against his shoulder. "It's alright. Come here..." Shifting around until she sat by his side and facing him, Maea tried to pull him to her, let him lean into her arms if he so wished.

She wouldn't force it though, if he couldn't tolerate restrictions. And she remained careful of his wounds, tried not to put any pressure on them... Regardless, her hands would be there, offering what warmth and security she could.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

She tells him that she never slept – and he’s not sure if it’s his fault, but he nods once in his understanding – exhaustion lining his face from having slept but none of it restful. And he clenches his teeth a small amount, feathers disappearing back into his skin though the horns remain. And before he knows it, she’s shifted to sit facing him, by his side – part of him wants to hide beneath a rock, to hide these breakdowns from her, to prove to her that he’s stronger than this, than giving into this.

But she reaches for him, pulling him toward her and he does begin to shift a small amount toward her before he has to stop – before the pain of the wounds on his stomach stop him from leaning too much forward, muscles shifting in his back beginning to throb. So he focuses on her words instead, arms reaching for hers to hold onto as he scans her face before he looks back to that space between the boards he was sure he saw a star or two through.

“It was a dream of the last time I saw my father.” His jaw clenches again and he shakes his head. “But it was different from how it actually happened.”

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

He tried to lean into her, but stopped halfway. Belatedly Maea realized that it wouldn't be possible to shift him any way without causing pain, so she wrapped herself around him instead. Let him hold her arms, and met his haunted gaze for as long as he sought it, until it drifted off. Wind was sighing in the trees outside, and it was quite cold in their hut. The walls not close enough to hold their heat very well. She reached for the blanket, to drape around them both.

"How was it different?" she asked, keeping her voice low. Wasn't sure talking about it was the right thing to do... but it was all she could think of. Perhaps getting it out was better than leave it to fester... just like before.

At least this time it was only a dream.

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

The blankets warmth surprises him, and he doesn’t realize that he’s been shivering in the cold sweat of his nightmare until the warmth of her radiating from the blanket and Haai who’s taken up snoring behind him in the warmth left behind offers her own. Still, he finds his gaze focusing on the wall with the boards missing, wind drifting in just enough to keep it cold within the shack they stayed in.

A shuddering exhale leaves him at her question. “Last time I saw him, he kept himself hidden by enforcers. I think he was afraid of me.” And with good reason. He wants to add on, but refrains. Instead, he shakes his head. “This dream… He had me pinned against a wall with a knife to my throat. But the argument… The words were all the same.” His brows furrow, and he lifts a hand to his jaw, rubbing at the stubble there along the bone before he closes his eyes.

“I haven’t had that dream in… A long time.”

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

Ah. So Lusea hadn't actually been there. It did ease the tightness in her stomach a little more, though Maea cursed herself for an egoistic fool who would worry about such things right now. As if her little jealousy even mattered at the moment.

"I'm sorry you had to see it again," she said. Reached up to stroke his hair, adjusting the curls around the horns. "Is there anything I can do for you?" If he needed distractions, water, more bandages or just to be left alone... Maea would do it all for him. These weren't demons she could battle for him, alas. Memories and dreams were not within her power to control.

She had only her hands, her presence, her small, powerless self to offer. He had said that it was enough... but that was before the sharks.

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

She apologizes, even though there’s nothing to apologize for. So he dips his head a small amount, then her hand finds her hair to adjust his salt licked curls around the base of the horns that protrude. And all he can do is focus on her and the place they’re at now, not Korofi, not Korofi, before he exhales quietly. “Stay?” He asks, positively needy as he tries to do his best to keep from falling into old habits.

Trying not to push her away, even if his words could be sharp and his voice a hint too demanding, too possessive and predatory. He was trying, and he’d done so well until today.

His gaze lifts to scan her face, the exhaustion clear and lingering on his face. “I think I might have opened up some of the wounds to my back.” He says, offering her a weak smile before it falters into a small wince as it begins to throb and bleed a bit more now that he’s not as dazed within the realization of not being in a dream.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

'Stay?', he asked her, like she might actually leave. Maea would not, unless asked to. Unless pushed off, shoved aside, made to let go. He underestimated how much she wanted to be by his side, and one day Maea thought she might have to hammer the reality of it into his thick skull so that he knew.

But not tonight.

"Always," she simply said, and leaned in to kiss his temple. Cold and clammy, damp with sweat... At least he didn't have a fever. Not yet, though it wouldn't be surprising if he caught one. Perhaps the salt in the sea had done some good.

She did lift the blanket from his back though, when he told her of the opened wounds. He was right, one of them had opened, and a few of the others looked red and swollen, like they might follow suit if he moved too much. "Do you think you could lie on your stomach instead?" she asked him, knowing he was hurt there too... but perhaps it wasn't as bad as the back.

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

Honestly, he thinks that she might. That he might become too much, too overbearing, too different once the ‘honeymoon’ phase is over. That she’ll find something better and he can’t blame her for it, because he knows he’s not the type of person that gets to have his happy ever after. He knows this. He expects this.

But she says always, and he leans toward her a small amount as she kisses his temple. He’s not sick, not yet, but he’s sure that span of luck won’t last long either.

A few seconds later and she lifts the blanket from his back, spying the wounds that have opened much to his displeasure. At the question of if he can lie on his stomach? Well, he can try. “I’ll try.” He offers, wincing against the pain as he moves to swing his legs around without bending the knee that’s in so much more pain than the rest of his legs. Eventually, he manages with a few more Korofi curses, and he goes to lower himself down – similar to a push up position, almost afraid of letting the cot touch the wounds to his stomach.

He inhales deeply, exhaling loudly and begins.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too