And I won't regret the lives I didn't lead
I knew you, I loved you
Remi was probably right about the first thing - a lot of the time in his first year out of his house, he'd found it hard to manage any of his own issues, never mind balance those of his friends. Perhaps with Remi that habit had continued longer than it needed to and he had not realised.
Knowing that he and Remi were, almost definitely this time, not going to speak once the waters had receded and they could leave...it felt like the end of some kind of possibility, something he'd been holding onto without even knowing it, the snuffing of a candle he'd been unaware of lighting...It felt him feeling cold and unsatisfied, the closure he'd thought he might get nowhere to be seen, just sadness and a feeling of having failed at a game he'd never known all the rules to.
Though he could still see Remi's tears...and something in him kept him talking. "I never said you were a burden. ...I think...I worded that letter very poorly. The decision was still a terrible one, but I never meant you were anything like that to me. If anything, I wanted my concerns over our relationship after your forgetting of me away from you, after Ronin had just died...I thought it was going to make things hundreds of times worse for you, distract you. I thought I was a burden. That's..what it says in my diary." He shrugged, then laughed bitter and broken. "..And I suppose I was right, since it sounds like I've been nothing but a pain to you."
Maybe that was a bit self pitying, but if they weren't going to talk again, what did it matter? "I'm not going to forget you. I'd still, if you wanted, forget it all and start again. I know we can be great friends. But...I don't know, Remi. I never feel like we talk to each other. It's always...around." Sam had no idea if he was making sense, but he was speaking more to empty his mind at this point, feeling the need to get out everything in case it really was his last chance.
Knowing that he and Remi were, almost definitely this time, not going to speak once the waters had receded and they could leave...it felt like the end of some kind of possibility, something he'd been holding onto without even knowing it, the snuffing of a candle he'd been unaware of lighting...It felt him feeling cold and unsatisfied, the closure he'd thought he might get nowhere to be seen, just sadness and a feeling of having failed at a game he'd never known all the rules to.
Though he could still see Remi's tears...and something in him kept him talking. "I never said you were a burden. ...I think...I worded that letter very poorly. The decision was still a terrible one, but I never meant you were anything like that to me. If anything, I wanted my concerns over our relationship after your forgetting of me away from you, after Ronin had just died...I thought it was going to make things hundreds of times worse for you, distract you. I thought I was a burden. That's..what it says in my diary." He shrugged, then laughed bitter and broken. "..And I suppose I was right, since it sounds like I've been nothing but a pain to you."
Maybe that was a bit self pitying, but if they weren't going to talk again, what did it matter? "I'm not going to forget you. I'd still, if you wanted, forget it all and start again. I know we can be great friends. But...I don't know, Remi. I never feel like we talk to each other. It's always...around." Sam had no idea if he was making sense, but he was speaking more to empty his mind at this point, feeling the need to get out everything in case it really was his last chance.
Let that be all that I need
SAMUEL
Base Code by Sky!
