From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
However much Remi might have tried to school his expression, Ronin couldn't miss the way his husband's heart fluttered, and he felt something clench uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. "Yeah, I suppose I did," he muttered. "I woke up from it, so I can't say for sure I didn't dream it. But gods and goddesses..." He scoffed and shook his head. They could invade one's mind on a whim. It could be a dream and not, all at the same time.
"Flattery, mostly," he confessed, shrugging his shoulders. "She wanted to be worshipped by me. Wanted to be wanted by me, loved by me. Above all others." His brow furrowed. He had never known the lady of stars to pull the sorts of tricks that Frey and Ludo were fond of - at least not to him - so the implications of what had happened in his subconscious (maybe) were unknown territory. "I'm sorry. I didn't go looking for it."
Remi pressed a kiss to Ronin's fingers again, before pulling his own away so that Ronin would know it wasn't out of anger. And it wasn't...or he didn't think it was. Stretching his hands uncomfortably above his head, he clenched his teeth together for a moment, tensing every muscle in his body with the hope that when he relaxed, the unsettled feeling would pass.
It didn't.
"Mmm." Raking his fingers through his curls, he tugged in a breath and held it for a moment. "Above all others.." He repeated, exhaling a lengthy sort of sigh. "And..do you ?"
THE ALCHEMIST
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Remi's questions were the ones of a man taking everything literally and seriously, and Ronin felt the tense feeling in his stomach flop around at that realisation. What had occurred between he and Safrin was something that had happened to him, as far as he was concerned, not something he had done, and so this was a rather difficult and unpleasant situation to be in. "She certainly seems to think so," he muttered, ruffling a hand through his hair; the tattooed shackles on his wrists said as much.
"Do I love her? She's a goddess who put me in the sky as a star, and then pulled me back down again so I could live my life and find you. Obviously I love her," he said with a simple shrug. "Above all others, though? I don't know if I'm that pious to claim that. Would you be asking me such a thing if I had told you I love our daughter above all others?"
Remi's eyes lowered slightly, focusing intently on some errand bit of sand attached to the bottom of Ronin's shirt. He felt the overwhelming need to brush it away, or to add more, or perhaps plan their dinner. Anything but the conversation they were having. The scrunch of Remi's nose as if he was about to sneeze said as much.
"Did you give her reasons to think so?" Remi asked quietly. That Ronin thought it was a dream made this entire thing confusing of course, but then again...that was the thing about dreams: they seem real at the time. And if Ronin did think it real while it was happening, then...?
"No of course not. But then, I did say you could...find what you needed in others, and I did mean that. The only thing I asked was that you not love them." Unhappy feathers flourished in his curls. "But it's Safrin, and she was from before and.." Helplessly, Remi shrugged his shoulders before offering Ronin a sad smile. "I don't know what to think, Ronin." He admitted, trying on a smile before quickly letting it fall away.
THE ALCHEMIST
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
"Remi," Ronin said softly, as if trying to persuade some reason from the situation. He rubbed his eyes, trying to understand how they had gotten here and how it had gone from 'a goddess tricked me in a sex dream' to breaking the promise he had made to his husband. Yes, if you want to know everything. Yes, I did. I said everything she told me to say, because I was horny and distracted. Okay?" It was embarrassing enough already - maybe spelling it out like this would give Remi some closure, since it wasn't doing a damned thing for Ronin.
"I never wanted any of what you said. Love, sex or otherwise. I didn't go to a shrine and say hey Safrin, fancy some sex while Remi isn't looking, did I? I went to sleep. I woke up. Things happened, and if it weren't for these stupid scribbles on my wrists, I'd never have thought anything more of it." And quite why he felt like he had to defend himself against it was a mixture of insulting and confusing.
"I...does that make it any better though? Is it just..bad luck then, that it turned out to be real?" Dream or not, the alchemist wasn't sure how it sat with him to know that his husband would promise their world away, simply for a fuck.
"Just answer me this. Did.." Gods, he really didn't want to ask. But they'd set themselves on the course of hard but honest and there was no turning away from it now. "..at any point did you think it was real?" Awash in uncertainty, not daring to breathe or smile or frown, Remi just waited for what he hoped was a simple no.
THE ALCHEMIST
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Ronin didn't have an answer, really, for Remi's first question. There were so many caveats and considerations, he couldn't possibly know if it was better or worse or... nothing at all, for it to have been real. The second, though, he was sure of. "No," he said, stepping forward to clasp Remi's arms, frowning and shaking his head. How could he? In that strange place between-worlds - a place he had never been, which didn't act the way places should - where he could not remember Vanya, could not remember Remi...
If he had believed it to be real, it would be to deny his reality altogether. "No, I didn't. It was... it felt like a dream, Remi. I swear it."
Swallowing, and choosing to believe Ronin whatever the sinking feeling in his stomach might suggest, Remi tugged in a breath and stepped forward to wrap his arms around Ronin. Pulling him against him tightly, exhaling into the crook of his husband's neck, Remi nodded.
No. That was it then.
It was it, it was it, it was it.
"Okay." Remi said with far more certainty than he felt, but as he pulled back, his smile was genuine. "Now my turn...because believe it or not, me asking about what gods ask us to do wasn't some insightful question about your sleepy sexcapades with Safrin."
THE ALCHEMIST
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Ronin held Remi just as tightly; he had come so close to losing the alchemist in recent times that any minor issue felt like it might open into a chasm given half the chance. So this, for whatever it might have been (dream, not dream, coerced or otherwise), was not something he was willing to fight over. "Okay," he echoed, reaching up to cup Remi's cheek, his thumb brushing softly across it.
Now my turn.
"Oh. Oh, shit. I'm sorry." Blushing again now, Ronin hadn't realised quite how his revelation had dominated the conversation, and he rubbed at the back of his head and nodded to his husband. "I'm all ears."
Easily Remi absolved Ronin his momentarily selfish misunderstanding with a quick shake of his head. "You know we had spoken about me...maybe taking Ludo up on its offer of a purpose?" The alchemist paused, waiting for either understanding or a need for clarification to flash across Ronin's face before choosing how to continue. "I went to see it, and we spoke of death and the things that make it easier or harder...it brought me out to sea...to a shipwreck. There were a handful of men who were going to drown, five or six of them."
In that moment Remi wished he had the ability to simply mentally vomit his thoughts into Ronin's mind, rather than having to sequentially go through everything. "It said...that it was their time. And to let them die slowly would be cruel."
The colour had faded from Remi's face, the green of his eyes all the more sombre for it as he glanced nervously up at Ronin.
THE ALCHEMIST
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Listening quietly to his husband now, Ronin nodded easily along as he was reminded of Ludo's offer, of their agreement that the hunter would stand by Remi whatever he decided to do, however he decided to make his life worth living. And truthfully, he had expected something... complicated. Something not necessarily good - and boy, did Ludo deliver. Eyes widening, he moved to sink down and sit on the edge of the wagon, patting the space next to him to invite Remi to join him.
A shipwreck, drowning men, slow death... He could see where this was going.
"You made it so that they did not die a cruel death," he supplied, wondering at - dreading, maybe? - the alchemist's response. "...How did you feel, doing it?"
Slowly, as if caring a great weight, Remi turned to follow Ronin in sitting. Ruffling a hand through his curls—free of feathers, mind you—he nodded. It wasn't fair to make Ronin play fill in the blank but it all seemed so strangely surreal that it was all too easy to take advantage of his husband's not-naive mind.
"I hardly felt a thing, other than perhaps guilt after. But not for having killed them, just...for tricking them." Swallowing and placing his elbows on his knees, chin cupped in his hands, he continued. "I made them think I had items that would save them. It was all just an illusion, but of course they didn't know that. I said I was there to save them." This was said in a voice just above a whisper, Remi's lips frowning sadly at the memory of it. "I told them to gather close so I could help them. They did it without even a thought."
Glancing at Ronin, brows furrowed, Remi tried to see in the blue depths of his husband's eyes the monstrousness he was sure Ronin was currently seeing in him. "They all died thinking they'd been saved.."
THE ALCHEMIST
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Ronin pulled a knee up to his chest as Remi sat with him and explained, the Dark Star nibbling at his lower lip and gazing off into the foliage and the beach. It was written all over his face, the way he tried to make sense of it. They had killed a man - he had, truth be told - and it had been for the right reasons then. Even now, Ronin would have made that same choice. Was this the same, for Remi? Had he killed for the right reasons - and what would that do to the man inside, the weight of those deaths? Killing Skyler had changed Ronin in fundamental ways... and Remi had five times that weight already on his shoulders.
"Are you okay?" he wanted to know. That was it - that was all he cared about, and his eyes reflected that as he gazed down at his husband. "...I would rather die thinking I was safe." He frowned, considering his words. "That's what... I mean... when I did die, Safrin stopped me from feeling any of it. From what happened to me, I imagine it would have been a very unpleasant way to go." He shrugged his shoulders. "It was better, leaving without fear or panic or pain. You gave that to those sailors, right?"
"I don't...feel anything about it. Which I probably should. I thought at the time it was Ludo just making things easier for me, and that after, today perhaps, I'd feel it. But..I don't." Remi's words were earnest as he gazed back at Ronin, uncertain what it was all meant to mean.
"Safe is different than saved though, isn't it?" Remi wondered. "I think Ludo read my thoughts because I ... I thought about showing up in Mort's realm to see all the people there I'd tricked at the moments of their death, and wondering if they'd think I cheated them. It told me not to so be so vain or egotistical or something like that." Helplessly his shoulders slumped. "Ludo said to watch for it, should it need me again." Softly he leaned against Ronin with a sigh. "I can't decide if I'm just a tool in all this, if I'm taking advantage of it...if I'm just..a thoughtless killer now?"
THE ALCHEMIST
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
