Listening to his reminiscence about Adam, she rubbed a palm with her thumb. Watched the second scrying table take form, and envied his easy mastery over the elements. Why was it that he could learn it so easily, while she trudged around Halo without seeming to get anywhere? It rankled to think he would be better than her at something she'd been born with...
"I'm sorry for your loss," she said softly.
Maea wished she could say Jigano was wrong about his merciless observations on Sunjata. But as always, they were clear and to the point, cutting away all the illusions and excuses. The Flood was a wreck, and getting close to him was like boarding a sinking ship, hoping it might take you where you wanted... but inevitably your feet would get wet and there was always a risk of drowning.
"You're not wrong," she admitted quietly. "About any of it. I know what I would wish for... but those dreams aren't very realistic. He probably can't give me any happy ever afters. It's just... not him, I think." She rubbed at her eyes, smoothing away tears before they could form or fall. "But even so... I'm still happy when I'm with him. He makes me feel so alive, like nothing I've felt before. And when he's not there... everything becomes that much grayer. Less vibrant, less... everything.
"I keep thinking... that maybe it's not such a bad thing to be used, if I get to live those few moments of color." In a way, it would mean she'd be using Sunjata in turn. Taking what she could, when she could... And the rest of the time?
Ah, she'd just have to endure, like she always had.
Maea
this too shall pass
