MAEA
When he phrased it like this, calmly and without the expletives, she understood. Far better than she had back at the house, while drunk and tired and already riled up, ready to believe the worst. When Sunjata shifted to make room for her, the girl stroked Haai's nose affectionately and stood, crossed the distance and slipped in to stand beside him. Not about to pass up the chance to be close, not when he offered it to her.
The rock was jagged and uneven against her back, but Maea reclined against it anyway, hands held before her with fingers loosely braided together. Intensely aware of his battered, bruised form beside her, she followed Sunjata's gaze out over the ocean, listened to the sighing waves. She was silent for a while. Processing, let the feelings come and go inside her. To find truths, and determine how much of them to offer.
"It was," she sighed, in the end. "And you weren't wrong, to think that I would misunderstand. I did anyway... but mostly because the timing was off. Too much else had been said already... I wasn't open to listen and understand what you meant." A quiet admission, accepting the blame for how things had gone from tense to explosive. Maea pulled a hand through her hair, pushing the silken strands up and away from her face. Tucked a lock behind her ear, expression thoughtful.
"I grew up very isolated, I think you've heard that by now. My father was strict, and grandfather was too, when he was alive. Being sick so often, people avoided me, for fear of catching whatever it was I had. And my family was set apart in general, as so many of us were Abandoned. It was a stigma, bad luck... Only Evie and Amalia ever befriended me, and only because they had no choice but to come, with Amalia's mother being the healer father usually called on when I took ill. She was kind enough, and I thought of her as some mother surrogate... but she wasn't, really.
"My brother was the only one who really took the time to be around me, to let me play and laugh and do things... He taught me the letters before my eyes grew too bad to read, taught me how to swim, let me help him with his chores, even though I usually just slowed him down... Noah was everything to me. Brother, best friend, even guardian when our father passed away..."
She drew a deep breath, and let it out in a slow sigh.
"But... in hindsight, he was also overprotective. Especially after that incident with the boys... Noah kept me home, only really let me off on business for the farm, and I think he kept others my age from visiting, too. To spare me from their antics, no doubt, but... it meant I never learned how to handle it. Teasing, flirting, feeling or receiving interest, how to make or reject advances... having 'fun', as you call it. I've seen it done from a distance but was never involved with any of it. Add to that my own aversion from letting people get too close, and... well. You get this."
She held out her hands, indicating herself. A recipe for disaster. Which Sunjata had walked into blindly, too eager to seduce a virgin and not knowing he would have to deal with all the baggage that came with her.
"I try to keep an open mind, about everything. Try to challenge the values father wanted to instill in me, and the generally accepted traditions of the Grounds. But at times... it all goes a little too fast. I don't even really accept myself yet, and it's still scary to open up to you. I don't... know how to be so casual. About... sex, or relations, or sharing myself. I keep waiting for people to point and laugh, like in the past. To judge and decide my worth, without giving me a chance to even try anything. The more they know, the more ammunition they will have. So I gave them nothing, in the past. Still give nothing, except to a select few, who actually seem like they can be trusted to keep what I give away to themselves. You. Loren. Amun. Jigano, to some extent... "
But the list of people she trusted was small, so very short. A handful of names, and that was all. That was it.
Maea quieted, breathed, wasn't sure whether any of this was helping. She thought of her brother, whom she loved more than anything, and couldn't help but wonder what he would think of all this. Of Sunjata, of the world outside, of the choices she had made... No doubt he would find a reason to laugh about it all. But Maea couldn't; it had caught in her throat a long time ago.
The rock was jagged and uneven against her back, but Maea reclined against it anyway, hands held before her with fingers loosely braided together. Intensely aware of his battered, bruised form beside her, she followed Sunjata's gaze out over the ocean, listened to the sighing waves. She was silent for a while. Processing, let the feelings come and go inside her. To find truths, and determine how much of them to offer.
"It was," she sighed, in the end. "And you weren't wrong, to think that I would misunderstand. I did anyway... but mostly because the timing was off. Too much else had been said already... I wasn't open to listen and understand what you meant." A quiet admission, accepting the blame for how things had gone from tense to explosive. Maea pulled a hand through her hair, pushing the silken strands up and away from her face. Tucked a lock behind her ear, expression thoughtful.
"I grew up very isolated, I think you've heard that by now. My father was strict, and grandfather was too, when he was alive. Being sick so often, people avoided me, for fear of catching whatever it was I had. And my family was set apart in general, as so many of us were Abandoned. It was a stigma, bad luck... Only Evie and Amalia ever befriended me, and only because they had no choice but to come, with Amalia's mother being the healer father usually called on when I took ill. She was kind enough, and I thought of her as some mother surrogate... but she wasn't, really.
"My brother was the only one who really took the time to be around me, to let me play and laugh and do things... He taught me the letters before my eyes grew too bad to read, taught me how to swim, let me help him with his chores, even though I usually just slowed him down... Noah was everything to me. Brother, best friend, even guardian when our father passed away..."
She drew a deep breath, and let it out in a slow sigh.
"But... in hindsight, he was also overprotective. Especially after that incident with the boys... Noah kept me home, only really let me off on business for the farm, and I think he kept others my age from visiting, too. To spare me from their antics, no doubt, but... it meant I never learned how to handle it. Teasing, flirting, feeling or receiving interest, how to make or reject advances... having 'fun', as you call it. I've seen it done from a distance but was never involved with any of it. Add to that my own aversion from letting people get too close, and... well. You get this."
She held out her hands, indicating herself. A recipe for disaster. Which Sunjata had walked into blindly, too eager to seduce a virgin and not knowing he would have to deal with all the baggage that came with her.
"I try to keep an open mind, about everything. Try to challenge the values father wanted to instill in me, and the generally accepted traditions of the Grounds. But at times... it all goes a little too fast. I don't even really accept myself yet, and it's still scary to open up to you. I don't... know how to be so casual. About... sex, or relations, or sharing myself. I keep waiting for people to point and laugh, like in the past. To judge and decide my worth, without giving me a chance to even try anything. The more they know, the more ammunition they will have. So I gave them nothing, in the past. Still give nothing, except to a select few, who actually seem like they can be trusted to keep what I give away to themselves. You. Loren. Amun. Jigano, to some extent... "
But the list of people she trusted was small, so very short. A handful of names, and that was all. That was it.
Maea quieted, breathed, wasn't sure whether any of this was helping. She thought of her brother, whom she loved more than anything, and couldn't help but wonder what he would think of all this. Of Sunjata, of the world outside, of the choices she had made... No doubt he would find a reason to laugh about it all. But Maea couldn't; it had caught in her throat a long time ago.
Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond
Searching for smoke in a still water pond
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
